Mummy, where's Daddy? by SusiQ

Writers • Portraits • posted on Feb 13, 2006

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Comments (9)

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SusiQ

6:47AM | Mon, 13 February 2006

I felt there were pieces of this that didn't quite flow, but they were points that were needed to be made. I read out loud then edited where necessary but any comments or critiques are welcomed. Hugs from SQ

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Gog

7:22AM | Mon, 13 February 2006

Susi, there are parts of this that are heart wrenching, I couldn't imagine leaving my kids. More then that I have a close friend who is just divorcing her husband and the strain on their kids is awful to watch. Thanks for the beautiful writing, Graham.

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drace68

7:44AM | Mon, 13 February 2006

This terrible! I can't even get out of my chair to stomp away the pain. Terribly effective writing, Sue. "...but any comments or critiques are welcomed." Okay, reconsider the use of author intrusion: e.g. "...her already splintered heart into a million pieces." Please don't TELL us how she feels, SHOW us she bites her lip, a tear forms in the corner of her eye, or similar. Let us "participate" in the story you weave in our heads. If you do, we'll return your hugs, not merely pat you on the shoulder. Dick

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SusiQ

7:56AM | Mon, 13 February 2006

Thank you both. Check the re-write soon. (Maybe I'll get many hugs, lol)

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LillianaSapphire

8:48AM | Mon, 13 February 2006

i have a friend who's going through the same thing, but he's a single father now. so sad.

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eternalwytch1

9:00AM | Mon, 13 February 2006

very nicely done, could use a bit more descriptions, but overall very good reading.

madusa1980

3:54PM | Mon, 13 February 2006

wow,very touching, i felt that pain as the mom did and i know that she probably wanted to cry, seeing her child in pain like that. i enjoyed taking a few moments out of my day to read it, it was worth it. there are alot of children out in the world going threw the pain, just be there when they need you, because that's when they need you most.

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