In traditional terms, Hanni is my tabby cat. In real life terms, I am Hanni's human. She engages me in games or dismisses me as it pleases Her Royal Hanniness. She presides over each meal with supercillious distaste: "Really, what do they call that foul smelling liquid wih various things they call vegetables in it? Ah, soup! And that revolting mud-like dish? The stew! Good thing I can separate the meat from the other disgusting ingredients." She keeps her own schedule. Of course, humans can't possible understand that it's healthier to have a good, long nap in the afternoon and the evening and then play all night long. After all, you've got better chances to spot a daring cockroach in the night. But humans are such strange creatures, they get into hysterics when they see me hunting down and feasting upon one of them. Of course, they also have no manners at all. Imagine they never ask me if I reall want to be taken in the arms and called that stupid, silly name "kitty". For the love of God, I am field operative in the CIA, which really stands for Cat Intelligence Agency, but of course humans can't know about that. When I stay perched upon the door it simply means that I wire my daily logs. Humans think I'm soooo cute sitting there and take pictures of me. That's another bothering human habit. They keep taking pictures of everyone and everything. Consider they go to some place in what they call a "trip". No longer do they get back home, than they start looking at the pictures taken there. And if you could just imagine how silly these are: humans alone or in groups, taking foreign cats or, God forbid, dogs in their arms, humans in front of houses, in front of statues (these are other humans, but made of stone - much more sensible than the real ones, because they keep still and shut up). Humans also have a horrific habit that they try to force upon me: washing. I don't mean good, sensible self-washing, but with water and a disgusting object that they rub onto themselves and it makes foam - they call it soap. I mean, can you imagine anything more outrageous than this? I heard from another CatIA operative who underwent that horrible thing - I may say she bravely endured it and then punished the humans by scratching to shreds their favourite coach. I can only say this: it is the most undignifying thing to happen to a cat! Otherwise, humans are quite easy to cope with: they have the good sense to make plenty provisions of Whiskas and Kitekat - in the past they used to torture CatIA agents with their own horrible food. Sometimes they let me scratch them and don't say a thing (perhaps they are afraid I will report them). A sad thing about them is that they aren't faithful at all: everytime they see another cat, even one of those despisable memebers of FESA (Fat, Eating and Sleeping Animal), they just go giggling and shrieking: "ooooh, what an adorable kitty!" I must also say the worst thing I have found out: they call us "pets". In their terms, a pet is some useless animal they keep in their house and notice only when they get bored. Can you believe?! But don't worry. Soon we will rule over the world. And we'll keep humans as pets, feed them on mice, cockraches and Whiskas, teach them self-washing, jumping and landing on their feet and make them a thoroughly superior and intelligent species.