Crying At My Own Funeral by experimental
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Description
I see my own body lying there in the casket. I don't know how I died, but I did. I see everyone that I loved crying. It's good to cry for someone you lost, it helps get it out of the system. I'm not phazed by any of this. It's the song that gets me. I am hearing Johnny Cash and June Carter singing "The Far Banks of Jordan". Cash sings "I'll be waiting on the far side banks of Jordan, I'll be sitting drawing pictures in the sand" and I know that is me. I'm not a religious man, the banks of Jordan mean nothing to me, but that pictures breaks everything loose. "When it comes your times to travel like wise don't feel lost" Cash sings. I know I'll be there on the other side when each and every person at this funeral come. I've crossed that river and found my grandparents and my grandfather-in-law. They welcomed me with open arms as I will welcome all who cross behind me. All my life I had imagined that my wife would die before me so that she wouldn't have to bear the burden of my loss. I never pictured her at this funeral and I cannot picture the pain on her face, my tears have blurred my vision too far. As the song begins to end the picture of the funeral fades and I slowly return to reality to realize that I have pulled to the side of the road and the song is slowly fading from the radio. I dry the tears from my eyes and put myself back into drive, determined to welcome those I love with open arms before I cross the river Jordan, religious or not.
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This actually happened to me recently while I was driving from our place up to my grandfather-in-law's place to help empty his house after his recent death. I had spent the past couple days alone at home while my wife and her family were up at his house preparing everything. I can say that I was a little unstable, but had no idea until that moment. Again, this is a moment that I can only share with my anonymous friends here on 'rosity. The tears almost returned while I was writing this up. Mortality is a terrible burden to bear sometimes.
Comments (4)
busi2ness
Very deep thoughts! Well presented.
hanevi
I was very touched. I've had these moments too, very intense and personal. Thank you for the reminder, and affirmation, as I struggle to live in this loveless city after my recent shift, to welcome people with open arms; now, and not later when I've 'crossed over'. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Wolfspirit
Chip you are right, and very humanat some point all of us, have thoughts very similar to yours. As for myself, I have thought about death as long as I can remember, as I have lost early in life many I have loved dearly to it. I have also faced it on two separate occasions during this lifetime, and exchanged partners during our dance both times. So yeah, human as I am, I am selfish as well in that respect. My apologies, for I am late to read this when posted, yet thank you for posting it. You wrote your thoughts down well in my opinion, and I admire them as well as your strength. I am sure you are a fine dancer as well. Death is a control freak, and the toughest dancer most of us will ever face Therefore, I find it often odd when I hear people say, life is tough to dance withwhen in my reality, no matter what comes my way during it life is easy and a wonderful dancer too life bestows choice upon us. My best to you dear frienduse the gift in which you were given at the start of life and dance! As for myselfyou know, when death comes to dance again, if he has smartened up he'll be swift, for if not as long as I have life on the dance floor, death will have no partner. After all, if he is gong to come to ball, cutting in to do the waltz with my life, then to me, he is rude, and testing my stamina, my moves, my motives, my willingness to give up, give in to him and his whims, yet stubborn as I am without hesitation I choose. Turning my back to death, smiling, I face life, and say, let's dance darling!
TallPockets
"When you learn how to die, you learn how to live" (Morrie Schwartz - From the bestelling book, "Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom). I kindly suggest all read it. Excellent piece, kind soul. My best, always. T.P./brian.