BIO
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I have fluctuated between writing things about my state of mind and writing about my life as we know it. Most of the time I'd just delete everything and leave it all blank. I've decided to just ramble on from time to time and let the crap stay. Kind of a log file, just as hard to understand, and just as worthless to most...
May 08 2009: Posted an issue I feel strongly about. Alienate a lot of people. Need to talk to someone. Tried talking to friends but we are all dealing with the same s#it - the loss of a friend. Tried here on Renderosity. Nobody will talk.
May 14 2009: Took some time off to let go of some anger. Hope to post again. I really want to delete everything. Been a member since 2003 so I know how it works. I am just getting so tired of everything.
May 18 2009: It's so desperately sad that my life has come to this. I had hoped there'd be something better for me. I used to think I had something to say. But my private ideologies gave me away. I tried to keep my mouth shut but it's always the same over and over and over again.Today I got it wrong again but it's not surprise. Once more heaven has forgotten me. So everybody clap your hands together and close your eyes, as I watch my world collapse. Don't waste your sympathy on me because I made this mess. My mistakes happen with so much success but I drag you all down into my sorry mess. I said I was sorry but it's always the same over and over and over again. I have been doomed from the first time I tried to find something to say I kept hidden inside. It would be much better if I just smiled and lied. ...
June 5, 2009: Things are not good. I know I should blog. No body reads this. Most web users skim at best. So I am safe in leaving behind scraps of mental illness in my wake. Things are NOT good..
July 10, 2009: It's all turned the s#it - i'ts ALL s#it.
November 25, 2015: I am amazed that I still breath. Whenever I begin to feel as if I have no Hope, I hear a whisper in my ear that reminds me I AM STRONG.
...at least for one more day.
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Comments (6)
stu1234
awesome work but i think you have uploaded it twice
ARTWITHIN
You may not like the poem, but I think it is beautiful and I understand it. Your painting is also beautiful. You capture a certain look of confused sadness. Together they make me think of the struggle between love, fear, and unending forgiveness. Your work is very powerful yo.
Lashia
I like the write up, I dont think it is bad at all. I know the feeling, as well. Another beautiful girl, you always capture the beaty perfectly :-)
SoulSearcherr
very beautiful she is..such haunting eyes..I feel as though I could reach out and touch....and the deep longing of words...sigh..
yomah
I guess it really is s#itty. The girl is Sara, cleaned up, without makeup. If the resemblance is missing it just goes to show how much a f#ckup artist I am. The pitifully whining words were my piss-ass attempt to describe my emotions as I lay in bed hearing Sara cry herself to sleep. She doesn't know I can know, her sorrow drips from the ceiling and soaks my sheets engulfing me in it's misery. We share the same barely beating heart of shame. Like a predator who can sense weakness or innocence in a child, I can feel her anger, shame and sorrow. I only wish I could bring her to a place were the crying isn't secret anymore, were I can bear her weight and carry her as long as it takes.
A_
so beautiful. and full of love. and your words, even though you think are crap, touch me deeply.