BIO
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I have fluctuated between writing things about my state of mind and writing about my life as we know it. Most of the time I'd just delete everything and leave it all blank. I've decided to just ramble on from time to time and let the crap stay. Kind of a log file, just as hard to understand, and just as worthless to most...
May 08 2009: Posted an issue I feel strongly about. Alienate a lot of people. Need to talk to someone. Tried talking to friends but we are all dealing with the same s#it - the loss of a friend. Tried here on Renderosity. Nobody will talk.
May 14 2009: Took some time off to let go of some anger. Hope to post again. I really want to delete everything. Been a member since 2003 so I know how it works. I am just getting so tired of everything.
May 18 2009: It's so desperately sad that my life has come to this. I had hoped there'd be something better for me. I used to think I had something to say. But my private ideologies gave me away. I tried to keep my mouth shut but it's always the same over and over and over again.Today I got it wrong again but it's not surprise. Once more heaven has forgotten me. So everybody clap your hands together and close your eyes, as I watch my world collapse. Don't waste your sympathy on me because I made this mess. My mistakes happen with so much success but I drag you all down into my sorry mess. I said I was sorry but it's always the same over and over and over again. I have been doomed from the first time I tried to find something to say I kept hidden inside. It would be much better if I just smiled and lied. ...
June 5, 2009: Things are not good. I know I should blog. No body reads this. Most web users skim at best. So I am safe in leaving behind scraps of mental illness in my wake. Things are NOT good..
July 10, 2009: It's all turned the s#it - i'ts ALL s#it.
November 25, 2015: I am amazed that I still breath. Whenever I begin to feel as if I have no Hope, I hear a whisper in my ear that reminds me I AM STRONG.
...at least for one more day.
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Comments (10)
SoulSearcherr
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much inside
A_
so am i.
ARTWITHIN
Yo, your words are so interesting. You have Self-awareness, needed to reflect on your exisence. You have said you feel numb, you feel nothing, and you cut to prove you exist. I see a transition going on in you. I think as your Self-awareness increases, you will know you exist; you will find empowerment to transcend your pain, because you will know the wonderful person that you are, and move on in your life.
mooreno
they all have to move not just one/you play the game so well. great art.
Vremont
yes, great art -- words and images
yomah
I had thought these were words of encouragement. Everyone is telling me things will get better in time. I try to focus on others. I take my meds like a good dog. But I still find myself face down on a cold tile floor in puddles of my own blood. This world pulls my strings like a spastic marionette. I want to make the cut. To cut the string that binds my wrists. That binds my mind. That binds my heart. I look at every scar, every mark and remember. I want to be free of burden. I'm sure a lot of well meaning text-book white-shirts will tell they have the solution, 100% money-back guarantee or double my horrors back. Oh well - one more day. y
Hopey44
Your art is so good, its a pity you cant seem to put it to better use and allow it make you feel better about yourself.
seothan
Your scars within and without are clearly difficult for some members to empathize with.To emotionally connect to.That is not their lives experience.The victimized child remains and how we deal with it varies.No simple solutions,just exsistence and the light we feel sometimes in a darkness forced on us as children by one in a position of trust and power.This image is extremely reflective of how a child,now adult has been slashed upon the creating potters wheel and rather than shaped and molded into a solid and beautiful creation has been forced down,muted,slashed and emotional disfigured.A beautiful personal expression Yomah.
Kimberly.3D
Yes Seothan, I can relate entirely. I think u hit the nail on the head. Many of us are victimized and we have to change that. As adults we can not be Victims but we have to become Survivors. We have to change our thinking. We have to say I am not a Victim anymore and move forward into my own peace. Being abused is not a joke and it can spiral someone into the throes of death, making them see no reason to live anymore...but this artwork it is good and it represents a way to let out the pain that is healthy. Best wishes on the artwork!
romanceworks
The first cut of childhood is the deepest and we spend the rest of our lives trying not to bleed to death. Your art and words come from within your broken heart and seem to be a deep wound that is trying very hard to heal. CC