BIO
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I have fluctuated between writing things about my state of mind and writing about my life as we know it. Most of the time I'd just delete everything and leave it all blank. I've decided to just ramble on from time to time and let the crap stay. Kind of a log file, just as hard to understand, and just as worthless to most...
May 08 2009: Posted an issue I feel strongly about. Alienate a lot of people. Need to talk to someone. Tried talking to friends but we are all dealing with the same s#it - the loss of a friend. Tried here on Renderosity. Nobody will talk.
May 14 2009: Took some time off to let go of some anger. Hope to post again. I really want to delete everything. Been a member since 2003 so I know how it works. I am just getting so tired of everything.
May 18 2009: It's so desperately sad that my life has come to this. I had hoped there'd be something better for me. I used to think I had something to say. But my private ideologies gave me away. I tried to keep my mouth shut but it's always the same over and over and over again.Today I got it wrong again but it's not surprise. Once more heaven has forgotten me. So everybody clap your hands together and close your eyes, as I watch my world collapse. Don't waste your sympathy on me because I made this mess. My mistakes happen with so much success but I drag you all down into my sorry mess. I said I was sorry but it's always the same over and over and over again. I have been doomed from the first time I tried to find something to say I kept hidden inside. It would be much better if I just smiled and lied. ...
June 5, 2009: Things are not good. I know I should blog. No body reads this. Most web users skim at best. So I am safe in leaving behind scraps of mental illness in my wake. Things are NOT good..
July 10, 2009: It's all turned the s#it - i'ts ALL s#it.
November 25, 2015: I am amazed that I still breath. Whenever I begin to feel as if I have no Hope, I hear a whisper in my ear that reminds me I AM STRONG.
...at least for one more day.
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Comments (10)
martingeorg
because we are idiots yo :) i just love that and find so much of my own experience there ... wonderful, thanks!
Bossie_Boots
Wonderful image and words so much meaning and so much truth superb work luv lou x
Lashia
Im glad you've decided to keep posting. You had a lot of positive feedback on your last piece. Im sorry you had a fight, regrets are always hard to live with. Hopefully you'll learn to grow from them.
JillianElf
This is amazing work, and I had the answer to your question I might be a rich woman, or a wiser one. Love your work!
A_
i just love how you put together images and text. so effective.
ARTWITHIN
I don't understand either. I can say, that in pushing away the ones you need to hold closest, two lives are affected equally, two are hurt, two lose a part of their heart. The bloom never opens. From my own experience, I have my own insights, but can't say they would apply to all. Other thoughts: A relationship without trust will never be permanent, mainly because it is one of the elements of love. You can't truly love without trusting the one you love. In making a commitment to someone, you put yourself in their hands, both partners. If it is true and healthy love, each looks after the other, each protects the other, each strives to give to the other, and finally...the other is our first thought in all things. The reason for the last is that the two are one, so thinking of the other is thinking of yourself in an unselfish way. It is possible to share this type of relationship, if both people commit to it, and work for it. If not.... Yo, many times there are opportunities to try again, but if honestly sharing your needs, your weaknesses, and when you are having difficulty is not possible, the other will not understand what happens, and will not be given a chance to give, support and love. I wish I were given that chance again.
Zarat
Fear. That's the reason for pushing away someone who has that special key to come to close to these things that we don't want to exhibit. Parents are good at this sometimes and later in life the close friends like gf/bf. If someone can not make you want to hurt him/her (emotionally) than it's usually no deep connection that this realtionship/acquaintance is based on. Often people are limited in what they can show you that makes you arguing with them. If you overcame these things they have the key to then they become maybe unimportant in your life. Sometimes someone can press the buttons and you don't feel hurt in any way and thus have no desire to hurt this person back. But that becomes more rare the older you grow. Especially with gf/bf. So... Fighting and arguing is some attempt to defed yourself and keep the ones away that can push the buttons that you don't want to be pushed while the attraction to these kind of people is some desire to grow personally by leaving behind "bad" (or immature) personality structures. Hope that's a somehow useful answer to the question. :) Very nice choice of colors for this picture and the message. BTW, does that girl look somewhat native american or am I blind?
SoulSearcherr
hi..S...drop all your fears...and hold out your hand...
mooreno
you are still one of the best artist on this site
lillypad
moths and flames...