Fri, Jan 10, 11:13 PM CST

Survey: Soul Mates?

Writers Romance posted on May 10, 2007
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SURVEY: Soul Mates? First and Foremost: Anything you say here will be interpreted as having come from your observations, not from your personal experience. In other words, I'm not trying to pry into your personal life. I only want to know what you think. If you see comments here from people you know, you should assume the same. This is a survey, not group therapy! .............................................. THE SURVEY QUESTION: Do you believe there is any such thing as a soul mate? (You get to define this any way you like.) Do you think that someone who meets their soul mate would be more likely to become involved in a long-term, committed relationship with that person, or would they be more likey to discover that their soul mate is unavailable for whatever reason, and they would only be able to love that person from afar? Is there anything else you would like me to know about your answer? ............................................ Background: I am a naturally curious person. Sometimes things come up in a conversation I'm having with someone and I think, "Gosh! I'd like to know what more people think about this topic!" Over the years I've chosen to take surveys based on these musings of mine. My real-life-walking-around friends are quite used to this sort of behavior from me, and they enjoy it when I come up with new things for them to think about. This week I was on a tear on the topic of soul mates. I've received some very interesting responses from people, and thought it would be fun to open the survey to my friends and neighbors here on Renderosity. Ground Rules and Disclaimers: If you wish to respond, my first choice would be for you to leave a comment below. The whole point of this exercise is for all of us to be able to think about the topic at hand and ponder other people's responses. If you have more to say than you feel comfortable with in public, feel free to send me a private message. Once a few days have passed and it appears that everyone who wanted to leave a comment here has done so, I will come back and post comments that let you know what some of my other friends have said about this who are not on Renderosity. If you send me a private message, I might share a synopsis of your response without indicating your identity in any way. I think it's only fair that if you participate, you get to know what other people think, as well! Have fun, and thanks for playing!

Comments (27)


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acquilon

2:20AM | Thu, 10 May 2007

what do you means for soul mate?

thevolunteer

2:39AM | Thu, 10 May 2007

Just let me tell you this. I had a soulmate. Yet was not able to be with him. You might call it bad timing. I will always have a place in my heart for this person. Just knowing he is happy, is enough for me. Of course I wish he were with me. That is how life is I guess. There is a person and a purpose for everyone. Aloha

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awjay

3:22AM | Thu, 10 May 2007

i believe in soul mates...james

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lwperkins

5:40AM | Thu, 10 May 2007

I find that often people will mistake a mad crush for being a soul mate-- I think it' ssomething you get by knowing someone over time.

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prionbrain

7:50AM | Thu, 10 May 2007

oh! It's a difficult question. I believe in soul mates, but I haven't found one yet, and I don't know if all my friends who are married have really found their soul-mates... I hope so for their sakes, but who knows:)) - only time can tell:))! Some people really are searching for certain qualities, others prefer the love at first sight and the strong feeling for someone despite their bad qualities. I really don't have a fixed oppinion on this topic:). Sorry if I haven't been of much help:). Good luck with your survey:)!

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helanker

8:36AM | Thu, 10 May 2007

Oh Well hmm.. If I understand the word Soul Mate right, I am not sure, I believe in such. I believe, that sometimes we can meat a person, which wakes up your sympathy or attachment so much, that we would like to come that person more near. Isnt it what we in our days call "Swinging good together" or "Chemistry". I am not sure, that is the same as a Soul Mate. Will a Soul Mate be a Soul Mate for ever. ? Will a Soul Mate only be a Soul Mate, if that feeling last untill the end ? Or is Soul Mate a feeling after all. ? Can a person become ones Soul Made little by little over years relationship. ? I can not give you a clear answer here, but just more questions. :). Because I am confused. Maybe I didnt understand what you wanted to know. Cheer Helle

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elmurray

9:27AM | Thu, 10 May 2007

Yes, I do believe in soul mates. I think you know almost instinctively whether you are akin to someone mentally and physically. I have the most perfect soul-mate in my husband. He is my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my shoulder to cry on, my everything. A soul mate knows what you are thinking before you even say it, as least that is what I have found. But perhaps I am a very lucky person in this respect and I really do thank my lucky stars for that! Eileen xxx

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JillianElf

9:57AM | Thu, 10 May 2007

I do believe in soul mates Tara ...although I think perhaps you have more than one. Perhaps they come into our lives to teach us something in particular or remind us of something important. Been my experience that although they are forever in heart and soul, maybe not in proximity! :)

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collinbabcock

10:23AM | Thu, 10 May 2007

I believe in soul mates, I believe soul mates are a dance charted somewhere completely out of our control. Maybe more than one, but certainly a dance and it is how you choose to dance that brings the soul mate closer or lets them remain in the distance, just touching and glimpsing the steps one might have taken. When I was still a therapist my own psychiatrist once commented, there are times when you know something about each other that is never spoken, never explained, just understood. We like to believe we are in control of our world, or we believe we are victims and want control, but our control is really very slight. I don't think the world is pre-determined, but I believe the possibilities, the paths we might walk are certainly charted on a map, some paths better than others, some souls more akin than another and some souls that just know things about each other that we will never decipher with reason. It is the very nature of what all on this site are enraptured with. What is art but the secret language of our souls which have no words clear enough to empart, but require movement, suggestion, color, the composition of the parts which speak a language no words will ever convey. Soul mates are the entanglement of those foreign tongues. The discovery that in some mysterious way, somebody else can understand our uncharted dance and anticipate our steps. A great mystery. But your soul has firstto be open to the belief, or I think the dance goes unseen.

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goodoleboy

12:35PM | Thu, 10 May 2007

What's this? You want to delve into the deep inner workings of our psyche? My feelings about a soul mate pretty well reflect those of collinbabcock above. But I want to take it a bit further past any abstract rhetoric and add my own pragmatic two cents worth. A soul mate to me is one who is sympathetic, empathetic, loyal, shares the same interests and hobbies, a similar outlook in the area of spiritual, political, humanistic, historic, dietary, entertainment, travel, work/career ethos, romantic, marital, tolerance/intolerance, patriotic, and scientific matters. Did I leave anything out? Probably. In other words, anyone who doesn't give you any damn anguish or stress! I hope this humble catharsis helped contribute some perspective on the subject.

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rainbows

6:20PM | Thu, 10 May 2007

Yes, Tara I believe in soul mates. As Jilly I believe it is possible to have more than one.. People sweep into our lives when we do not invite nor expect. They can leave a gift with us.. We may not be with that person, but they will forever remain a part of us. A joy, a friend, a dear deep memory, a feeling ~ a soul mate. As Colin says "a dance". How beautifully he expresses these thoughts. I do not think the finding of a soul mate always means that a relaionship will be longer lasting. Many other things come into play here. Life is uncharted. We choose a path.. Hugs Tara. Diane.

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alhak

6:46PM | Thu, 10 May 2007

i think we all have someone that walks with us through our life, either beside us or from afar..yes i believe in a soul mate...my soul mate lives afar, havent seen him in 7 years now, but we have been friends now for over 20 years, we have walked different paths in our lives, timing was never good for us but love is always between us. we both run back to each other when we have problems and disappoinments and share our dark secrets, we never judge each other on choices we make. thats my description of a soul mate, a friend for life....someone who loves you for just being you!

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romanceworks

1:08AM | Fri, 11 May 2007

I truly believe in soulmates for I found mine thirty years ago. We instantly connected in the most profound ways that just kept getting stronger and deeper with time and had a passionate life together on all levels. We were lovers, friends, creative partners, business partners, husband and wife ... we had tempestous times in our younger years, fought with fury and loved even harder, and there was no one I wanted to be with more than him. I lost my beloved ten months ago to a sudden heart attack but what we shared and my love for him will live forever. We collected hearts and he has since sent me many hearts in various forms to show me he is with me and our love will never die. CC

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NekhbetSun

6:32AM | Sat, 12 May 2007

Bet you thought I forgot all about this, didn't you :o) noooo sirreeee ! ....very cool topic dear Tara ! hope you come up with more like this Now, to answer the question, how 'bout a resounding YES ! ....my feelings are one can have more than one soulmate...haven't you met many people in your life you just really hit it off with right away....and there's a close kinship and immediate liking...nothing really discernible you can put your finger on, you just know there's something very special about that person, perhaps hearkening back to a past life together, or perhaps not, just kindred spirits I know some people will say their spouse is their soulmate, but I think it goes beyond that...and whether the 'soulmates' live together, or are married, or just friends, doesn't matter... Hope all these ramblings have made some semblance of sense...next :o) ~ Hugs ~

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auntietk

4:35PM | Sat, 12 May 2007

As promised, I'm making additional comments here to let you know what some of my non-Renderosity friends said: Two people, independently of one another, told me they believed we are all part of a larger group of souls, and that there are multiple compatabilities within that group. (One said he believed the number to be 1000, the other did not give a number.) Anyone in that group would be a good match as a friend or a lover, and there is no ONE certain soul mate for anyone. Two other people said there are many possible soul mates for any given person, but did not discuss the idea of groups of souls. One person said he does believe in the idea of a soul mate, but thinks many people look forever and don't find that person. (Incidentally, he feels he has found his. This was not said from a position of frustration.) Two people said they do believe in soul mates, and that when you meet yours, and it's really the right person, you should make sure you end up with that person! Change your situation, change your path, change the dance, whatever it is that needs to happen, make it happen. No yearning for what can't be, just make yourself available! One person said she does not believe in the idea of one soul mate. She thinks people come into our lives to teach us lessons, and the strong connections we feel with certain people facilitate those learning experiences. She said if she DID believe in soul mates, there would have to be more than just one. One person said she believes in soul mates, but not in love at first sight. You have to get to know someone inside and out before you know for sure that person is your soul mate. No "across a crowded room" stuff. One of my friends put it so very eloquently that I shall quote verbatim from his e-mail: "I believe in the idea of someone out there that you have a distinct connection with. It could go all the way to soul mate sure, but there is not one ideal match for every person. And it's not just a matter of waiting until you meet them under a rainy lamppost on a warm spring evening. [My wife] and I do not consider one another our soul mates - we've talked about it - but we are happy with one another nonetheless. Now I may bump into some gal under a rainy street light but it just won't be the same. After being together for ten years now the good and the bad is all just kind of how it's supposed to be. It works for us and I can't imagine it any other way, I like it. And that, TK, is why we had a kid." One person, who believes she has met and obtained her soul mate (they've been together over 20 years) said the pull of their two souls needing to be together overcame all the obstacles that were present when they met. Her partner, by the way, thinks there's not one soul mate per person, and that some people are just on the same wavelengths. Neither was surprised by the other's answer, and they have a lovely relationship.

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auntietk

4:53PM | Sat, 12 May 2007

Of course it's only fair that I give you my response to my own survey! When I think of soul mates I think of the concept in two ways. One version is what I would think of as a romantic, Hollywood, love-at-first-sight concept. The other is a more metaphysical and non-romantic concept. The more romantic, love-at-first-sight thing? No. I think that's a romantic construct which gives people who are obsessed with someone who isn't good for them (or is completely unavailable) a way to live with their obsession in a way that makes them happy. I don't necessarily consider this to be a good thing! If it works for those involved, however, that's fine with me. I'm just not big on the whole yearning thing. On that other level, I agree with those who said there is more than one possible soul mate. There are people who, upon meeting for the first time, I feel already connected to. None of them have ever turned out to be more than close, wonderful, cherished, fabulous friends. (IS there more??) Martin, who is the love of my life, was not necessarily one of those people. (His answer, by the way, with no elaboration, was "no - no such thing as a soul mate.") While I feel connected to him now, I did not have that immediate experience with him when we met all those years ago. Our connection has grown over time. We were friends for two years before we had our first romantic encounter, and have now been together for a little more than ten years. It's a different sort of connection. I think what's really important in our relationships is that sense of connection, no matter how it is achieved. Hopefully we learn from all of our relationships, and discover what works for us and what doesn't. And then, hopefully, we don't choose those things again which were less than optimal the first time! Insanity is doing the same thing, the same way, over and over, and expecting a different result. ......................... Thank you, all of you, for participating in this survey. I don't make these up out of thin air - survey material arises in an organic way from the surrounding conversational landscape. The next time it happens, I'll do this again! I hope the process was as fun for you as it was for me. Hugs, Tara

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auntietk

5:17PM | Sat, 12 May 2007

P.S. This doesn't mean you can't leave a message on this if you feel like you want to respond and haven't done so already! Survey questions are never closed. :)

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NothingNess

9:19AM | Sun, 13 May 2007

I do believe in the concept of soulmates and I believe there is more than just one. There is only one "the one" (most people refer to as the love of their life) in a given lifetime. I also believe that is "the one" person changes from life to life. This explains the instant bond/familiarity upon meeting again. This doesn't mean that you're meant to be together again this time around rather it speaks to past life connections. And lastly I also believe that people come into our lives to teach us lessons we need to learn; just as we are in peoples lives to give them aide when needed. On a side note: No I haven't been drinking...but it's an interesting thought that popped into my brain. What if we treat everyone as if they were a soulmate? Give them the same consideration and respect...wouldn't the world be a better place? No one would dare steal, cheat, rape, murder a soulmate would they? Maybe the goal (if you believe in reincarnation) is for all souls to reach the point where all souls are in sync and through these bonds achieve peace and love.

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vaggabondd

9:56PM | Sun, 13 May 2007

I love the question and the survey. First of all I believe in love at first sight. I know it is for real because I fall in love three times a day. hehe. I believe that you can have a soul mate but that you may not end up with that person. seems kind of strange to have a soul mate and not be together but I think it can happen that way. Thats what I think. Now for what I know. I know you can fall in love with someone instantly and that there is all kinds of love. You can have the sex driven love or the kind of love where the very sight of your friend brings a smile to your face. I strongly believe in both. Love is as good as you will let it be. To me I feel like I am kind of mubbling up what I am trying to say. I hope it is coming across right. I really mean love is wonderful and you should try and love as many people as you can. Randy

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hipps13

8:29AM | Tue, 15 May 2007

Part of what I belive I believe Married for the wrong reasons Not a soul mate too boot Divorce might be in the air Probably not When two soul mates meet Who are married? But not to each other Destine to choose The wrong one

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Celtic_Lass

6:59PM | Sun, 20 May 2007

this is such a cool thing you've done! love the concept yup I believe firmly in soul mates I've been married twice and in a few long relationships but always knew there was someone else I was supposed to seek and hopefully find... i've remained happy in my life but always felt there was missing piece. We found eachother finally last year online of all places and the connection between us was so mind boggling! We met for the first time last november and haven't been apart since. We know eachother like we've been together forever. This coming together has changed our lives so much it's just amazing... his art... my art... have undergone this metamorphasis... we talked about this just last week. My feelings on it were that now that my brain isn't constantly thinking about that one missing piece of the puzzle I'm able to now focus on other things that are also important to me. He feels the same! We were lucky though.... we were able to be together... some are not... i also think there are other degrees of soul mates too though... some are special friends that we meet and it almost seems like we have lived parallel lives and the talking and sharing of experiences just keeps leading to these WOW you do that TOO moments life is a trip! I love it's journey! the good and the bad!

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martingeorg

4:59AM | Wed, 30 May 2007

Awesome! What an interesting survey Tara! I agree with so many already said. I believe in soulmates too but I am one of those people thinking that we are all connected :) It seems to me that it is our greatest task to discover that, to diminish prejudices and fears. Maybe our world will be a better place then? On the other hand I see the indivdual question in wich I have to agree with some of the others that we can have several soulmates at lifetime ... could write on but stop here now, thanks for this little survey so much, really a different posting!

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unstrung65

12:02PM | Sat, 28 July 2007

.........quite an interesting topic for discussion Tara ....seems everyone has an opinion on this .....hate to sound negative but I don't really beleive in the concept of 'soulmates' --- ( especially predestined ) I think it is a high concept for dreamers....just by the odds - there will always be people out there that you will be more -or less - compatible with --- the more in common you share - perhaps the better the odds for getting and staying together longer - and everyone is 'in flux' -- constantly changing - growing - stagnating - etc --( you might all aswirl with undying entertwined souls -- and break up years -months later - when you fall out of phase - happens everyday - all the time ) --- sometimes if one is lucky and sociable enough to meet a lot of prospects -- you just might find someone more in your wheelhouse ( how romantic - eh ? ) ---but I beleive you remain two completely seperate individuals -- doesn't mean you can't have a great and solid relationship --but nothing , I think , is predestined ..... life evolves by the minute with no intended direction ( good or bad ) ----but the soul mate concept gives lots of people hope -- so I guess it's not a bad thing ....hope I'm wrong on my view -- more fun beleiving as the majority do ......but one beleives as one beleives.

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beachzz

11:06PM | Fri, 28 March 2008

Soulmates, a deep word that can mean so many things. I think we meet them all the time, some are in our lives forever, some are there for but an instant. I don't think it's necessarily the person we might spend our lives with ie a mate, though of course it can, and does, happen often. I had one of these connections with a man on a cable car in SF, it lasted for maybe 5 minutes, but the energy we put out was felt by a LOT of people around us. It was REAL, powerful, sexy and fun as hell, I felt like I could fly afterwards. So, yeah, there ARE soulmates, I know there are!!

Realm_Of_Illusion

7:58PM | Sat, 29 March 2008

I am not sure if I believe in soulmates or if I would call it that but I believe in past lives so I would say that they are people we've met many times before and so we might have a strong affinity with them, a closeness that cannot really be explained as it might happen as we meet the person for the first time in this life. Sometimes they could become life partners, others just really close friends and they could also be from the same family. I don't believe there is only one though but that there are different levels of feeling close. Ultimately I believe that people we meet time and again are people we still have something to do with, either something unresolved or a continuity but there is a lesson for both.

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LovelyPoetess

9:28PM | Tue, 09 December 2008

Thanks Tara for pointing me to the survey, very interesting to read all the different views on the subject. : )

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bmac62

2:52AM | Wed, 25 March 2009

Hi Tara. Isn't it funny how links work. I was reading something that LovelyPoetess sent to me of hers to read (she sent 5-6 links to her writings)...in there was a comment by you and a link here. What a fascinating subject. I like the way you set the ground rules for this survey...you differentiated so clearly that remarks here were to be assumed as collected observations of a 3rd person, rather than pesonal experiences. But what did you get? Looks like a lot of personal experiences to me:-) Of course the topic of soul mates is fascinating in itself, but your survey technique could be used for just about any topic of interest. People really expressed themselves. Well done!


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