We were born to a culture that subjugates women. Through marriage we became sisters in name and life's agony and pain made us friends.. Soua is the youngest one. Of the three of us she is the most patient and understanding, agreeable, docile and complacent. She always looked pale as if she could never quite catch her breath or rest her weary head. She was only 14 when she married. (It's sick and wrong - I know but it's a cultural thing. And that's another story.) Mai is the oldest one. She's smart and beautiful. She's wild and vivacious. My temperament falls somewhere between these two. At times I wished I were more patient and understanding like Soua than I'd be able to accept the life fate handed me. Other times I wished I were bolder and smart like Mai maybe then the fear of the unknown wouldn't frighten me so much. Soua once said I am like lightning in a bottle. She said she could see the storm clouds storm gathering in me. None of our marriages were happy ones. Soua accepted her fate and made the most of the situation even when her husband took a 2nd wife. (Not legally, of course, but in every other sense of the word.) Soua is now 31 years old and has five kids. Her oldest married this year, she's only 16. Mai made her marriage work, but on her terms. She never allowed them to put her in a cage. Today at 37 she's expecting her 4th child. She ended up wearing the pants in the family. That's quite an unusual thing to happen in our culture. When I saw Soua last summer she said "I'm so happy you broke free." She was right. The storm broke and I raged and rained down until my life as it were was laid to waste. I spent many years afterwards fumbling and stumbling around. Soua said she admired my courage and tenacity but it's quite misplaced because what she doesn't know is that the calm after the storm left me complacent and caged again. Just because you've done it once doesn't make it any easier the second time around. A lesson I've learned all too well. Never again! Last time we talked she was going back to school. She is the embodiment of compassion. I told her she'll make an excellent nurse. Secretly, I hoped that knowledge would lead to power and to something more....wings to fly. I hope this first step will lead her to find the key that will give her a phoenix's wings. One day, I thought, she's going to fan the flames and burn down the confines of her unhappy existence. One day... I received a voicemail message from Mai this morning. The only words I heard were "Soua - cancer". I called Mai back. We talked at length. We are both inconsolable and heartbroken at this deeply sad and tragic turn of events. This cannot be! How could this have happened! Doctors say she caught Hepatitis B as a child but was never diagnosed. Now it's too late. She's been dying all these years ......waiting.....waiting to live. Too late to live...to late for everything. There is nothing left. There will never be anything else for her but more pain. She's in the last stage of the disease. She's going through chemo but the prognosis is grim. She is at peace. Mai says she thinks Soua is relieved that her suffering will at last come to an end. Patiently, she waits while the cancer ravages her body and destroy her dreams one by one. Soon she'll be free. Free from her unhappy life, free from the merciless pain. Her freedom will finally come. But she will have never lived and she has never loved nor was she ever loved. Once again, I am a storm - raging uncontrolled. Numb and growing more numb. I have no more words except.....WHY!!??