Life’s Most Embarrassing Moments Haven’t we all had those times, those hideous moments when the best thing that could happen is that a hole would appear into which we could fall? Those embarrassing, humiliating, red faced incidents we’ll never forget and are certain no one else will either? Well, I’ve had a few and have one to share with you today. I climbed out of that hole, shook myself off and looked it right in the eye. I told that moment I was in charge and was gonna laugh in its face. It was back when I still wore a dress on occasion and this one was as hot as it could be. Madras plaid (and if you remember madras, BLEEDING madras, the real deal, well, welcome to my world!!), short, a sweet little mini, and I loved it. I wore it all the time, probably cuz my mom HATED it. It was a simple little shift, meaning it was just straight up and down, no shape so speak of. This particular one had snaps, easy on, easy off. I was going out with the cutest guy around, his name was Joe and I’d had a mad crush on him for the longest time. He finally asked me OUT and I was in a dither about what to wear, what AM I going to do with my hair, omg, this was major stuff here. No less important than world wide discussion on nuclear arms, poverty, pollution, actually, at that moment, it was FAR more important than any of those could ever be. After talking to my 3 best friends (girls can’t sneeze without talking to their friends about it, you know!!), going thru my closet, throwing every possible outfit on the bed, the floor, of course, I would wear the cute, hot, short bleeding madras dress with the snaps up the front. Cute little sandals, and I was ready to go. Joe picked me up right on time, in his 57 Chevy. And oh, that car, every guy’s wet dream. Taxi cab yellow, lowered in the front, tinted windows, my mom nearly died and I swooned!! Tuck and roll black leather seats, NOT bucket seats, so when I got in, I sat about halfway over, in the middle. As soon as we were out of sight of my house, he patted the seat RIGHT next to him and I moved over and snuggled up against him. THAT was the first sign he REALLY liked me. Oh, was I in heaven. He put his arm around me, and omg, I felt like the hottest, happiest chick in town. I didn’t even know where we going, did it matter?? Heck no, but as it happened, we were going to the movies, NOT the drive in, which was a major statement back in the day. Drive ins were NOT for the first date, that came a while later, when things progressed a bit. But I digress, (whew, started thinking about that “LATER”!!). We arrived at the theater, which wasn’t one of the multi plexes so common today. It was a stand alone building, one screen, a balcony (which of course is where we would sit, that was just the way it was!!). Joe came around to open my door, and you know what’s gonna happen here, don’t you? Time out, I have to take a deep breath ,cuz I think I forgot to tell you something. As I was getting ready for this big date with my dream guy, besides deciding on the dress I would wear, well, I also had to choose my underwear, bra and panties. Not that he would ever see them, that just wasn’t part of the deal then, but I still had to know what I had on underneath that hot little mini I was wearing!! After emptying THAT drawer onto my bed, I found just the thing. (You also have to realize this was a ways back, before Victoria’s Secret, x-rated lingerie, so my choices were a bit limited). A cute lacy white bra, panties with little hearts, so cute and sweet it could almost give you cavities!! So, back to the parking lot, and Joe opening the door for me. I had to scoot over to the door, remember I’d almost been sitting in his lap on the way to the theater. As I got out, (yeah here it comes), I turned in the seat to get out of the car, politely, lady like, properly. My dress caught on the door handle, and yes, picture this, as I stood up, every single snap came Unsnapped, with that unforgettable popopopopopopopop. The next thing I knew, Joe was looking at me with VERY different eyes, and I was looking for that hole in the ground. For an instant, neither of us could speak, this was a vision he wasn’t gonna forget soon, and I didn’t even want to think about it. I stood there, with my dress nearly falling off, in my lacy white bra and panties with the little hearts. All this happened in the blink of an eye. I stammered and stuttered and snapped myself up as fast as I could, shook myself off, and as much as I’d like to say we just walked into the theater as if nothing had happened, nope, I burst into tears!!! All I wanted to do was go home, jump in bed and pull the covers over my head and pretend this day never really took place. Joe couldn’t have been any sweeter. He just let me cry for a sec, then he said, “Come on, we’re gonna be late for the previews”. He handed me his hanky (omg, do guys even HAVE hankies anymore???), let me dry my eyes, and he took my hand as we walked into the theater. It turned into the sweetest date, I was finally able to laugh about that dress (nope, I kept it and wore it several more times when I went out with him—I just learned to stay away from that door handle!!). Joe and I went out for a long time, most of my high school years. I asked him to my first high school dance, and sweetest of all, he gave me my first kiss. He played the guitar, turned me on to folk music. We ditched a couple of those dances and instead went to dark, smoky coffee houses and listened to Joan Baez and Bob Dylan wannbees sing of war and peace and love and all things so important. I don’t know what happened to Joe, we lost track of each other after high school, but he gave me such wonderful memories, such sweet moments. All because of that dress!! 8/18/08