Empty Arms by ShadowsNTime
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Description
Sitting alone in my room, I find myself staring at the spot in the corner where you were. Where every morning you greeted me with your voice, calling me awake, demanding that I arise because you are up and ready to start your day...and every night when I was given one last kiss before we both went to sleep...its nearly a week now and I still find myself lost somewhere between what was and what is...my mind drifts, can't stay focused yet, I see the time and think 'oh I have to feed you, have to let you out to begin your daily routine' and then I remember you aren't there and I am with empty arms again...
As I think back over my life I realize I can't remember how many times my arms were full and then empty again...there has been a parade of sorts with all the fur and feathers and fins, big feet and little feet and no feet at all, big noses little noses, soft noses and hard ones that served as nose and mouth...long tails, short tails, fluffy tails, slick tails, tails that didn't look like tails and no tails at all...Big soft eyes, little beady eyes, eyes that seemed to pull you deep into all they've seen and eyes that seemed to see nothing at all...I remember the warmth, the bond that was almost instantly there, the life and the death, the pleading and kneading...I remember the love.
Have you ever said 'I can't do this anymore, I can't give my heart again?' I have never said that...it is incomprehensible to me that one could ever close the door on something so magnificent, so wonderful, so special as that of an animal that depends on you for filling its tummy, for nursing its wounds for the good times, the bad times and everything in between...Unconditional, thats what they are, they give every minute of everyday to the human who shares their life, while we give them only what we can between work and family and other 'life' things and they are grateful for that time...Seems to me we can learn a lesson from them in how to treat each other but thats not the purpose of this. This is for Tanner, who shared my life only briefly but fully from the moment I found him...Oh he had his moments when he tried my patience but he filled my heart with so much love that those moments were just that, moments.
From the moment I saw that man drop the 'moving bag' in the empty lot my heart leaped, I knew there was life in that bag and was powerless to stop, I had to go and see...the soft little sounds that came from the bag wrapped themselves around my heart and when I opened it and found you I was thrilled, your happy little face greeting mine, the little puppy kisses, the climbing into my arms as if you had always been there...and I was angry too that someone could be so cruel, how could they not love you? I know you have probably forgotten your start in life, I hope so, but I will never forget the new start you had, the time you gave to me. I loved you from that moment, I love you still and I always will. Every day was exciting and fun and so full of laughter and love, did you know how cute you were? How I loved those so wonderful eyes that could make you laugh in a hearbeat? Did you know you were loved so much by all who knew you and by many who didn't? You were and you are...I pray your life is filled with so much joy each day, that those eyes stay soft and loving and you remain the sweet baby I knew you to be. I miss you my boy!
Some will think I am silly for writing to a dog but its how I deal with my loss, and hopefully how I honor him one time more. I didn't get to say goodbye to him physically, they took him while I was out of the room...easier that way I guess for them so this is my goodbye, my letting go and moving on...tho those happy memories will always be with me and that place in my heart is still full of him. He is still my Tanner! It is only my arms that are empty...
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Thank you all so much for all the love you shared with Tanner and I and for all the wonderful support you have given me during this time. You are truly the best and most amazing people I have ever known!
Comments (34)
kbar
Sorry about the loss but I had one die when I was touching him and it is a haunting memory now.
B_PEACOCK
Sad you had to give Tanner up Lynn. I hope you can find you a smaller dog that can not hurt you but loves you just as much my friend
e-brink
A very moving piece of writing. I'm sure writing this way is a very good means of coming to terms with things and addressing them. A cathartic exercise and good for the souls of all who read it too - but in the end, as you say, it's for Tanner and for you. In the long run, you have to think about yourself and your own health. I'm sure you are just as important to many others. Take care.
flavia49
I hope that Tanner is now in a very lovely family. Even if it hurts, you did the best choice for both of you. Hugs!!
helanker
I am so sorry you had to give up Tanner, but I understand it is in the end best for him and for you. I was very mooved by reading this dedication. I hope you will have another little animal you can better handle. HUGS
Flint_Hawk
I am sorry for your loss. Reading this made me stop & give my own dog some extra attehtion! What wonderful & loving animals we are fortunate to have in our lives!
ShadowsNTime
BEAUTIFULLY put!!!; )alex
ag_tn
This is Beautiful!!!!!! and it is never silly to feel this way about a pet...I am also sorry you had to give Tanner up ... +++++5 ~TiNa~ XOXOXO
JaneEden
Bless you Lynn for saving him and giving Tanner the good foundation, full of warmth and love he so deserved in those early precious months. Console yourself in the knowledge you did everything that was best for him selflessly, and so you parted with him for those very reasons. He will be fine now as he grows larger and stronger with someone who can handle his strength, which sadly because of your ill health you know you could never have done. You are a very sweet and kind lady, and now Tanner's future will be rosier because of the loving care and good foundation you gave him from the first. take care, hugs Jane xx
farmerC
This is Shining.
magnus073
Lynn there is nothing silly about writing to Tanner and I was moved to tears by this loving and heartfelt dedi to him. I know it is such a sad time now but keep in mind you will always be like a Mother to him, the one who rescued him when no one else cared.
jendellas
Beautiful letter to Tanner Lynn, I can assure you there is no way I think you are silly. You are bound to miss him but you gave him the foundations he needed as a puppy & he will grow from there. I hope you will be able to keep in touch with him, if not too hard for you. Take care Lynn, WOOFS from the girls xxxx
DarkStormCrow
Wonderful writing and I well know these feelings take heart that Tanner is in good and loving hands....
wlmay33
It's never silly to Love or write of your Love for your furry partners. I pray Tanner can give as much Love to his new family as he did to you.
hipps13
sure made me sad but this is so sweet cherish it and smile warm hugs, Linda
drifterlee
I feel the same way about my cat Oreo that recently died.
durleybeachbum
So moving, Lynn. So many of us have been there so often, and can be really with you in how you feel right now. I don't think you're silly at all, my friend!
emmecielle
Not stupid... These are the words of love to a friend ... does not matter if he has four legs... love is always strong! Courage, my dear friend... Tanner also never forget those who saved his life and welcomed him with much love! An affectionate hug
sandra46
i'm sure he'll be loved, don't worry, and take another companion!
npauling
A very moving letter to Tanner and perhaps his new owners will read it to him and he will be happy. It is so sad that after all the care you gave him that you had to let him go but I am sure he will be happy even though your arms are empty. It is hard as you get older to have to give up so many things that you took for granted when you were young. I love this photo to go with this letter and you will have it to treasure forever.
BessieB
Touching and your feelings cannot be considered silly. I am sure he will settle and be a good lad. At least you gave him a loving start - oh how it could have been so very different had you not been there xx
tennesseecowgirl
BIG HUGSSSSSSSSSSSS
beachzz
My son rescued a dog much the same way you found your special friend. He'll be around for a while, to help you adjust to his loss. It won't be easy, and I am so sorry he's gone. Writing is a wonderful way to both honor him and help yourself--you did it well.
myrrhluz
Beautiful words, well written, loving and not at all silly. I echo what everyone has said about how wonderful and selfless your actions have been and how right they were for Tanner, both when you brought him in and when you let him go. I have also learned in my life, the importance of loving fearlessly. You are a brave, loving and inspiring person. I wish you ease from your grief. I hope you can visit Tanner on occasion, perhaps when he is settled in his new home. With your loving nature I know he will not be the last furry body to fill your arms.
virginiese Online Now!
A very moving dedi Lynn !
TECHNISTRATIONS
(Yesterday when I first posted this I had made a typo and so I have corrected and replaced that message with a few more lines... something in my eyes...) I am terribly sorry for your loss... You are far from stupid indeed... you are perhaps even more human because of the love you shared with a wonderful pet. May you find comfort in knowing that when your own time comes to journey to the other side, you will surely be greeted by the familiar wagging tail of your best friend, patiently waiting and happy to see you once again! - God Bless... I thought more about you and Tanner last night as I cuddled my own white Maltese "Pump" who will turn thirteen this year and means so much to me... I held him just a little tighter in my arms... I hope your writing inspires others to adopt, to rescue, to never be cruel, and never forget the incredible love people and pets share with one another. You are an inspiration Lynn and thank you for sharing Tanner's life with all the rest of us.
auntietk
Oh Honey, I'm so sorry you had to let Tanner go. I know what a hard decision that must have been. Remember to take good care of yourself during these days. My heart is with you, my friend.
giovanino
Gorgeous work and lovely light and effects!
danapommet
Lovely ode to Tanner Lynn. Remember that this was best for both of you. Good to see you post so we all know that you are stillout there and super narrative. Dana
dakotabluemoon
Such a wonderful tribute for ur dog and it just made me well up in tears for the love of a dog is so special that they love u more than they love their selves and they are just angels for god where we can all feel loved by something special when we need them.