I wrapped in my favorite blanket and stepped outside into the cool evening air an hour from now, the sun would set the stars would dance in spectacular productions around the blazing moon I came here to this lonely cabin to escape from the troubles that partake of my soul stealing small portions and devouring my hope With hope diminishing, I packed up my things My bag wasnt complete without my journal something that held my every desire the one place I could turn to that would listen and not judge me for the things I had done seen, felt and desired I sat with my back against the large post on the deck overlooking the lake,wrapped in my blanket naked and warm under the last light of the sun Holding my journal I carefully opened up my life to read aloud to myself "March 3, 2002" I came upon a phrase today while thumbing through a magazine and the doctors office it was simple yet complex I sit now and ponder the meaning vedi Napoli e poi muori; zwischen Freud und Leid ist die Brucke nicht weit [German: the bridge between joy and sorrow is not wide]. This struck me. I think it profound for I have the joy of a moment spent in the arms of a loving soul and in the same thoughts of memories I hold great sorrow as I miss his touch How I longed to die so that the sorrow would never reach my heart but the joy would always be the last I felt~~ I didn't feel him there his presence was unknown to me as he listened to me reading from my life He spoke and I lifted my head unafraid unwavering for I did not fear death inside I longed for it yet I was unable to face it by my own hand " I can take it from you ~~~the pain it will no longer be and you will be free to live in your joy for all eternity" I stared straight ahead the sun had gone down long ago and I realized I was not reading from my life journal I had spoken aloud out of memory for in the dark, even with the moonlight above I could not see the words but I knew they were there before me He spoke once again " I will drink your pain away if you should choose it you will die in my arms being held in a tender embrace for I do not wish to harm you, but to release you as your blood feeds my hunger my thirst so will it feed your hunger for release but only if you so choose" I held my lifes journal in my hands now trembling with not fear....but anticipation for to be held once again even if it meant death would follow was what I desired and so I nodded slowly as I wrote once more in my journal "March 26, 2002" " The bridge is too short there is but one plank of wood seperating the two I can place my right foot upon joy and my left foot upon sorrow and now I jump off the bridge" He sat behind me then wrapped his ice cold imortal arms about me and he held me tenderly for a time never did I look at his face but I could feel his breath upon the back of my neck although his hunger grew as time passed he did not let it overtake him finally his hands pulled me closer lowering my blanket to bare my shoulders and he placed iced kisses upon them tender lips from a creature of darkness a vampires kiss I felt him move toward my neck knowing this would be my last moment before he plunged his fangs into my veins to drink of my blood and release me he whispered "Sleep well" The pain in my heart was so overshadowing that I didnt feel his bite and as he drained me of my life I began to remember the side of the bridge ~ Joy and I smiled as I drifted off to sleep for all eternity having died in a tender embrace ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Um sorry, I went off on a lil tangent there ;)