Drowning girl.... by soul_scream

Photography • (none) • posted on Jun 21, 2002

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Description

I took a bath again, it was tempting to sink below the surface and watch the lights through the waveless water holding my breath my lungs burning to let the air out. Knowing that, as the lights started to dim, the tunnel of blackness became narrower, soon I would either have to open my mouth and take in water filling my lungs with fluid or come up for air. It was a decision I had to make. Was my pain so great so over whelming that I was willing to drown? Was I so selfish to think that my children wouldnt miss me? People wouldnt care if I was gone? That after they drain the tub remove my body and lay me to rest, that the tub wouldnt be filled again with the tears of those I left behind? I chose to come up for air that day. Nothing in this life could be bad enough to make me hurt those I love. For I might have escaped the pain I was in, but I would have handed it over to the ones I love the most. For them to carry my burdens would not be an act of love. But an act of selfishness. Like packing your back pack full of useless things, making it too heavy to carry instead of removing the very things that arent needed, in order to make it lighter. So instead, You pass it on over to the ones who appear stronger expecting them to carry your load along with theirs. And half the time, they have backpacks with unnecessary items in there too, they just dont show any sign of strain. They appear to be comfortable carrying it around upon weary , weak, aching shoulders. I still take baths. But I stopped sinking below the surface.