How To Build A Bowling Alley Pt.1 (Preperation) by neiwil
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Description
To follow this tutorial you will need to own a 40 year old Bowling Alley. If you do not, nip off and buy one (preferably on a weather bashed coastline) and come back.
Right, assuming you own a 40 year old, weather beaten Bowling Alley, you will have noticed the roof leaks like a sieve. Contractors, called in to quote for a new roof, will have informed you that (a) "It'll cost a fortune" and (b) "The plant room containing all electrical switchboards, gas and water services and heating, is lined with asbestos ( a common building material in the 1960's)". This will require a team of men in Haz-Mat suits with radioactive/bomb proof transport to remove it and this will cost you 3 fortunes.
New Plan : Close Bowling Alley and make all staff apart from Managers and Technicians redundant. Give Managers 3 days to remove all computers, paperwork, pens, pencils etc..etc to secure storage, then make them redundant. Have Technicians strip Bar and Diner of all reusable items and place in storage. Have Technicians spend 3 days stripping all serviceable spares from pinsetter machines. Realise these will be completely incompatible with new machines, call a halt and make Technicians redundant. Assure all staff they will be re-employed when new Bowling Alley opens. Offer Technicians a choice (a) Find alternate employment for the next 12 - 18 months, (b) Work on site. Learn that 2 Technicians are already seeking alternate employment, 1 already has another job (me) and hire Chief Technician as site foreman.
Finally, hire several large burly men and some big machinery and you are ready to begin..........
NOTE: For complete accuracy you should immediately re-hire managers and have them commute 38 miles to run your Blackpool Bowling Alley, as you will need them later and do not wish to lose them. For the purposes of this tutorial we will assume you are happy with one Bowling Alley and,having paid off the Managers, they are locked up with the rest of the office equiptment untill needed.
Comments (9)
ronmolina
Funny commentary. I am already looking for one at this very moment. Nice shot!
GrandmaT
That's sounds about right. Are you sure the government wasn't involved in this plan?
auntietk
I hope you like your new job, my friend, and that it gives you lots of time to moonlight at The Plant!
UVDan
Verry funny commentary! Here is to your new job being more lucrative and enjoyable!
Maxidyne
40 year old Bowling Alley eh! I though I had one of those knocking about in the garden shed. But you know how it is... you have a clear out and it ends up at the local tip. Just one thing though. Why do they have to commute 38 miles when they can have second homes??? Oh sorry that's just hard working MP's :) Cool mate....keep these coming :)
Penters
Sounds like you are well out of it...are you sure the owners aren't a bank? Good luck with your new job !
bmac62
OK, now I got it...less costly to build new and send the rest of it to the dump...along with the managers, the technicians and the old customers:) So, what's the new job entail?
flavia49
LOL!!
debbielove
I thought this may be a odd read, but its up to your normal funny standard you keep going on this Neil, its a blast! Building in the UK! Slow, expensive and foreign! Rob