Patience by hardwaretoad
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Description
Many of you know that I've been pretty absent here over the last year or so, I've had some monetary troubles that didn't allow me to repair my comp when it went crash-boom, I ended up having to drop my home net for the same reason so it made it tough to get on line as much as I would've liked.
During this same time I started having some "medical issues"... thanks to the plethora of Joe Theisman commercials I figured out that I was developing typical mid 50's male prostrate problems ~ having to get up to go more frequently at night, yadda, yadda, yadda. This came to a painful and screeching halt last Tuesday when I found I could no longer urinate... not a drop, no matter how hard I tried nor how much effort I expended. During all of this I'd also had excruciating leg pains. My life had sunk to waking hours of acute and constant debilitating pain interrupted by periods of cat naps when I would drop off due to sheer exhaustion, only to be wakened either by the pain or Mr. Theisman calling me to once again visit the toilet.
A friend dropped by on Wednesday morning and was so frightened by the way I looked that he called 911 and had an ambulance whisk me off to the local butcher sho... I mean hospital, for tests. The results I received late yesterday... not good.
Seems I have advanced prostate cancer that has decided to take a little journey through my body. It's metastasized into my abdominal lymph nodes and also my spine, pelvis, hips, and the upper sections of both thigh bones in my legs. It's early into this so I'm not fully sure of what the prognosis is going to be.
Needless to say it's a lot to have dropped on you, I told one Dr. it felt like getting hit upside the head with a "Silly Putty" hammer. Where it goes from her I'm not really sure. They sent me home with a giant bag of drugs and it's going to take approximately 10 days before I start a hormonal treatment to try and kill any and all testosterone in my body ~ the other option was to lop my testicles off ~ I decided against this.
I'll try and post from time to time with updates as to how this is progressing. Needless to say I'm scared, I've no family close by for support and unfortunately I found out during my Mom's bout with cancer that a couple of them aren't worth shit anyway when it comes to things of this nature.
Prayers are greatly and graciously accepted, it's no time to be alone.
Comments (19)
Palaemon
Great work ! Certainly an image of your soul. I hope you'll be better.
cookie-21
wonderful image! hope all goes well for you, your in my prayers.
eekdog
looks like her own prison, nice job on the atmo Don.
BleedingBrain
Well Mr. (hardware)Toad, I believe I've been in that picture above too...but all need not be dark and gloomy. Even if the cancer wins...death is not the end of the story. I don't feel sad at funerals, I may miss the person but I am glad their work here is done, I know some of whats in store for them. Forgive me if this sounds weird, but my first most vivid memories are of being dead. I drowned when I was about 3 years old. I have maybe 2 brief cloudy memories of before that but I really to this day nearly 48 years later vividly remember being somewhere else, and most of my life since. Yes it was one of those floating toward the light things. I won't go into detail here but I felt better than I have ever felt, true joy and wonderment and a kind of awe floating through my surroundings....then suddenly jerked back...here...on earth....I was mad. But I believe it just wasn't my time yet. I also believe I became "aware" at that point...of life, (I've never been able to hunt or fish)...and that this is just one part of it. God is real...he exists as well as many other things we don't normally see in everyday life. However I do not believe He works exactly like most religions teach...but He is there, you can talk to him...and you can talk to Him just like a regular guy, He knows you and if you just keep Him in your thoughts...He will be there, waiting. I am living with quite a bit of pain myself and about to have more surgeries so hopefully I can eat again and have endured much throughout my life...just keep the ol chin up as they say, don't let the gloom overtake, stick to your art, your guitar, whatever you like doing...find reasons to laugh but take the time to cry if you need to. He has given us the tools to work with, it is up to us to use them...so by all means do everything you can to get well...I hope and pray for you...
Savage_dragon
Oh, man. That's jacked. I just had to put my Rottweiler down for the same thing. Yup. Old soldiers & old dogs. I sure hope you have a better outcome than Thor did. He now site in a box on my desk. Prayin' for ya', buddy. "(
Cimaira
Wow, that is scary news! You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend! Very moving picture, it really says a lot!
Xfitz
Wow! That is a lot to deal with. . You will be in my thoughts and many others here at RR as well I suspect. The image you just posted certainly says a great deal under the circumstances.
Paulienchen
ein sehr schöner Render
illkirch Online Now!
Frightening pic and story
renecyberdoc
first i must say i feel very very sorry don,but myself i took comfort in bleedingbrains words. i am not so good at this type of words its not like the shit i write about spackoine (lol).i keep you in my thoughts baby.
Jonrea
I don't pray dude, but my thoughts and well wishes are with you for a full and sustained recovery. All the best. Jon
ARD1
Sorry to hear what's going on. As hard as it is, try to focus on the stuff you enjoy. Your artwork is great.
vitachick
Excellant comment by BleedingBrain..My thoughts and prayers are on you.... Excellant render....Reflects your mood...But live each day to the fullest...And don't feel sorry for yourself...
JeanneDeau
How poignantly you remind us of the fragility of life...you are an excellent teacher. Sometimes in my dark moments (admittedly, nothing compared to what you are going through), I attempt to focus on the idea that this world (which Buddha tells us is illusory) is not all there is. Best wishes.
AdeyMack66
Great image:)
Cyve
Amazing and wonderful creation... Fantastic character/posture allso !
GrandmaT
What a royal Bummer! I'm not sure what to say. Everything I think of seems so trite or useless. I hope they included one of their magic pills in the lot they sent home with you or will give it to you soon. My only recommendation is to keep a positive outlook. By the way, the render is excellent.
velleman
Superb dark mood and atmosphere! I wish you a lot of luck and good recovery.
pixeluna
I missed this one, it's dark but I can understand-- there are so many things that can happen when you are not aware. You've done your part, just give yourself some time to rest.