As the elevator began it's descent a calm female voice said " Welcome aboard the Express Elevator we hope you enjoy the ride". Then as we passed each level it said, " Sub-level 1 : Gymnasium, Sauna, Showers and Laundramat". " Sub-level 2 : Atmospheric Control, Boiler Room, you'll find the Gas and Electric Meters on the left". " 3rd Floor : Ladies Lingerie, Nightware, Oils, Gels and Adult Sex Toys".............. In all the years we'd had the elevator we'd never been able to erase that track, my own fault for buying a second hand elevator from an Ann Summers closing down sale! when we renovated. "Sub-Level 4 : Underground Parking." "Sub-Level 5 : Nuclear Reactors, please ensure you are wearing your Radiation Exposure Badge before leaving the elevator". "Sub-Level 6 : Shopping Hall, Tesco, Sainsbury, Asda, GAP, TK MAXX, BLOCKUSTER VIDEO and Henry's Pawn-a-rama." "Sub-Level 7 : Nautilus Excursions, cruise around the Lost City of Atlantis, daily cruises at 10am - 12pm - 2pm last cruise 4pm, be sure to visit our gift shop and the Nemo Resteraunt. Please pay at the turnstile, everybody please step out of the elevator." I pressed the red button below the number -7, the female voice was not so calm, " I don't think you want to go down there, I'm sure you'd much prefer a nice relaxing cruise on the Nautilus". I pressed the button again, the voice got quite agitated, " Look, trust me, you really don't want to go down there, wouldn't you rather.." I pressed the button repeatedly and the voice said in a resigned tone " OK ! OK!! but don't say I didn't warn you", the doors closed and we began our final descent, the voice continued, " you have NO! idea the horrors that await you, I tried to warn the last couple but would they listen ? that obnoxious man threatend to shoot me...and you're not much better.Mother always said...." Thankfully the elevator stopped and the doors opened, as we stepped out the voice cheerily said " have a nice stay.....muhahhaha".With that the doors slammed shut with a 'BANG' that reverberated around us and the elevator began it's ascent. Taking in our surroundings I said to the Major, " IF we get back to the surface, remind me to find out who programmed that elevator with Artificial Intelligence.....so I can sack him! As I was checking my weapons, the Major produced a small snub nosed revolver from somewhere, I pointed at some footprints in the dust leading away from the elevator," the shoe prints will be Rock, the bare feet will be Gloria but there's a third set, small, almost child like, very odd" I mused. As we started down the corridor the sound of automatic gunfire echoed off the walls, I thought I heard a female scream but it was far off. As we picked up the pace the Major seemed to be keeping closer to me as she said " I take it we can assume 'something' HAS! survived down here", I just nodded and, taking the Major by the elbow, started to run. When the Major said " I guess I've seen something Tailspin hasn't", I instinctively checked my flies, then looked questioningly at the Major. She said " You're running", I was confused and replied " Down here? you're bloody right I am!!". Passing spent cartridges and a discarded Uzi I knew we were on the right track but, although I gave up smoking 4 weeks ago ( TRUE! ) a lifetime of Havana cigars had taken their toll. Short of breath I began to slow down, the Major kept going, as she turned a corner she called out " come on slow poke, hahaha ". The Major was only out of sight for 2 seconds and there was an ear piercing scream, lack of breath was replaced by an adrenalin surge, as I turned the corner the Major was kneeling, her hands thrown up in terror, looming over her was what appeared to be a giant mutant rat....from sighting the Major to unleashing a hail of lead took less than half a second....even as I squeezed the trigger, I knew this was a BIG mistake...