As we raced up the mine shaft Tailspin asked " What did she say about giving us a bath?". I prodded him between the shoulders and told him to "just keep running!". Behind us all hell broke loose, automatic gunfire, blood curdling screams and a continuous tirade of German obscenity that bordered on 'toe curling', DVK was holding her own. At the junction with the second passage I stopped, Tailspin never broke stride and kept right on going. Stopping besides me, Gloria said " I'm really sorry but we just don't have time." I looked at my watch, " Fifty minutes til detonation, time for a quick look?" I pleaded. Gloria said " We don't even know how far it is...alright! we'll give it twenty minutes and then we get out...no matter what!!". I agreed and we set off down the dim passage, in the distance a single light glowed, our eyes were just starting to adjust to the gloom when I tripped over something. It was a skeleton, there wasn't much left but he wore a nice hat, knocking the dust off it, I put the hat on my head and asked Gloria " What d'you think? if you want to get ahead get a hat." Gloria raised her eyes to the heavens and said "Sixteen minutes", the skeleton also appeared to have a rolled up rope or something, may come in handy so taking that we continued towards the light. After a few more minutes we were stood under a solitary light bulb, in front of a pair of large doors. There was a sign which read 'BUGGER OFF THERE'S NOTHING HERE' in large red letters, below this it said 'unless you work at The Plant and are looking for the Top Secret Area 51b in which case come in and Welcome'...it was signed Big-Wil, my great great Grandfather, Biggleswade Wilson. I touched the door with my index finger and it opened effortlessly and almost silently, to reveal another cavern. This one was far more vast and older than the one we had recently departed....a single light source did little to illuminate the vast expanse, it simply created dancing shadows that gave an impression of strange objects of all shapes and sizes lurking within. The light source was a flaming torch, held by an old man, he stood on a plinth examining a golden chest. As the door opened he turned towards it and seeing me silhouetted in the doorway he called out "Junior!! is that you?" in a broad Scottish accent. As if in reply, a sound like a gunshot echoed around the cavern, the old man pitched forward and fell to the floor....ohhh! it WAS a gunshot. The cavern now echoed to the sound of studded boots on the stone floor, until a figure stood in the light of the torch, which now lay on the floor. This time there was no hiding my surprise "Major Moans!! but how?" The Major smiled "Herr Nei-Vil...here we are again, I'm sorry! I should have mentioned the adjoining en-suite between the caverns, oopsee!!" she paused for effect and went on "I see your friends have deserted you, no matter, I shall at least have the pleasure of knowing that when the time comes, you will be destroyed with me, a fare exchange for all the trouble you have caused me." From behind the other door Gloria said "We're out of time!", raising my index finger I said to the Major " Would you excuse me, just for one moment" and pulling the door shut I secured them with the whip, tied in a triple granny knot. The Majors voice "Wait!..What!..No, come back!..Ohhh not fare" faded in the distance as Gloria and I raced 'hell for leather' up the passageway........