Mon, Sep 30, 2:33 AM CDT

Nezo Ten, Chapter Two

Writers Science Fiction posted on Oct 28, 2015
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“Hello, I’m Nezo.” The girl held a wooden stave out at arm’s length, as if trying to decide whether or not to hit Nezo. The small piece of wood was another indicator the girl was a Tuwan—wood was too valuable on Atan to be used for something as frivolous as a walking stick. “I know who you are, Mister Nezo Ten,” the girl said slow and deliberately. “If you were anyone else I would have already signaled for the Sea-Watch.” Nezo shifted on the wet ground and tried his best smile, the girl only narrowed her eyes suspiciously and glared at him. She was about his age, and dressed in the typical fashion of a Tuwan—the loose fitting jerkin, leather breeches, soft knee-high boots, and the ridiculous floppy hat that was all the current fashion. The girl decided Nezo wasn’t an immediate threat and lowered the stick. “Do you plan on sitting in the mud all day,” asked the girl. Nezo shrugged and climbed to his feet, brushed at the mud on his pants, and only managed to make it worse. He gave up on the mud and glanced around for more Atanians to show up. The girl appeared to be alone, which was good, he didn’t want to be seen. “You’re not going to tell on me, are you” asked Nezo. “You couldn’t have come down the Seawall like that without Atan’s help,” stated the girl. “Are you on a secret mission for Atan?” Nezo sighed. “Atan isn’t real,” said Nezo, then glanced around at the Grawell and waved his arms. “Well, Atan the planet is real, but not Atan the ocean god.” “You’re his son, how can you say that,” asked the girl. “My father died with everyone else when the Nezo Liner sank,” said Nezo. “We know that, and then Atan adopted you,” said the girl. “There is a perfectly good scientific reason for everything that happens,” replied Nezo. “Oh, I see,” said the girl. “So, you’re more Caelum than you are Atanian.” “I’m an equal amount of each,” said Nezo. “Then Caelum boys are equally dumb,” replied the girl. Her brow arched in a smug expression and she tipped her floppy hat back slightly. Nezo wasn’t sure her statement made any sense, but it was hard to argue with it—he did think Caelum boys were dumb. Nezo turned away from the girl and quickly inspected his boat to make sure no damage had been done during the descent into the Grawell. The girl lowered her stick and walked around the boat to perform her own inspection. Boats were the most valuable thing on the planet, and the Tuwans being responsible for the safety of everyone, were particularly interested in ensuring every boat was cared for. “You need to apply a new coat of pitch,” scolded the girl. “I don’t have any,” said Nezo. “You live on the Caelum atoll, don’t they have some,” asked the girl. “We don’t use pitch for anything, so of course we don’t have any,” replied Nezo. “I’ll trade you for some, do you have any batteries,” asked the girl. Nezo crawled into the boat and rummaged through his possessions, found what he was looking for and held up two batteries. The girls eyes widened at the unbelievable treasure Nezo was offering. Batteries were a techno item and could only be obtained from the Caelum. Nezo held out the batteries and the girl reached out and took them. She cradled the two small batteries in her hand and then looked at Nezo. “Both of them?” asked the girl, not believing the treasure she held. “Sure,” said Nezo. “These are worth dozens of barrels of pitch,” replied the girl. “I didn’t think you would actually give me a battery, let alone two of them.” The girl carefully turned the batteries over in her hand and then handed them back to Nezo. “I get it, you’re trying to bribe me not to tell anyone you were here.” Nezo grinned and sat on the edge of the boat. “Is it working?” “No, I’m going to report you were here,” stated the girl. “Why do you Tuwans hate me so much,” asked Nezo. “You stole this boat from us,” said the girl. “Nobody steals from us and gets away with it, they’re going to make you pay for your crime someday.” Nezo rolled his eyes and jumped back out of the boat. “I was just a baby, and my parents died to put me in this boat—this boat was paid for with my parents lives.” *** The girls eyes softened slightly and she sighed. She dropped the batteries in a pocket and looked at Nezo. He was small for a Caelum, but even small, he could potentially be very dangerous. Maybe it was better to try and make him a friend, a friendly Caelum could be useful. “I’ll tell you what, I have to report you were here, but I’ll wait until you’ve done whatever you came for.” “That’s fair enough,” replied Nezo. “Which way to the whales?” “Huh? That’s what you came here for? She watched him turn and walk toward the Seawall without bothering to answer. Why would he come all the way to the Grawell just to see whales? He’s the Ocean God’s son, he could see whales any time he wanted. Could it be that he really didn’t understand who he was? “You haven’t even asked my name,” she called out and chased after Nezo. “I didn’t think you wanted to tell me,” replied Nezo, now standing at the vertical wall of water and peering into the depths, looking for whales. “I’m Aedina, but most people call me Aedi.” “Where’s the whales,” asked Nezo. “You won’t find them here,” said Aedi. “Whales only dive about a mile down, we’re at the two-mile depth mark.” “Oh, I didn’t know that,” said Nezo, disappointed. Aedi didn’t know what came over her, it was a spur of the moment thing. She was only thinking that Nezo needed to be taught that Atan was real. She walked up behind him and shoved him hard. Nezo fell forward into the vertical wall of water and was pulled into the depths. The currents here were strong and usually falling into the Seawall was a death sentence, but she knew that if he was the Ocean God’s son, he couldn’t be hurt. She watched as he was pulled away by the current and flailed his arms futilely against the depths. Then, just as quickly, he was turned around and pushed back out of the wall of water and into the open air. Nezo gasped for breath and leaned back against the Seawall, it supported him as easily as a son leaning against his father. Tendrils of water, or maybe tentacles, wrapped protectively around him. He coughed a few times and spit water out of his lungs. “Why did you do that,” shouted Nezo, coughing. Aedi’s eyes widened in fear as the water behind Nezo took the shape of a man with his arms wrapped around Nezo—Nezo seemed to be completely unaware of the apparition. Her mouth dropped open as the water spoke. “His Caelum eyes and ears prevent him from seeing or hearing me,” said Atan, the Ocean God. “Help him to see and I will forgive your rashness.” Aedi stood frozen as Nezo stood up straight and shook off the watery arms that held him. Atan melted back into the ocean with a last gentle brush of his watery hand against Nezo’s cheek. “Well?” demanded Nezo. “Do you hate me so much that you would try to kill me?” Aedi shook her head. “I don’t hate you, I was trying to show you that Atan is real and wouldn’t let you get hurt.” Nezo put his fists on his hips and glared at her. “Are Atanian girls as dumb as Caelum boys,” asked Nezo, and shook his head in disgust. “I’m going to find the whales, stay away from me.” Aedi watched Nezo stomp away towards higher ground, and hopefully some whales. It had been a dumb thing pushing him into the water, but… Aedi considered the possibilities. Atan hadn’t shown himself to anyone in at least a couple hundred years. Why now? Was he desperate to get Nezo to understand there were greater truths then the technological magic of the Caelum. She followed after Nezo, she needed a different tack. Nezo was a Caelum, and smart, but he was also an Atanian boy, maybe she could use that. Nezo continued uphill, stopping occasionally to peer through the Seawall for whales. He stopped at an outcropping of rock and looked back at her, and glared. “Why are you still following me,” asked Nezo. “I’m sorry I pushed you in the ocean,” said Aedi meekly, trying to play the part of a good Atanian girl. “Maybe that was dumb.” “You think?” said Nezo, not falling for her act. Aedi shrugged and pointed up the hill. “A little further, we’re still too deep for whales.” “I can find them on my own,” said Nezo. “You’re shivering,” said Aedi. “It’s cold, and for some reason I’m wet,” said Nezo, sarcastically. “We’re surrounded by deep water, it’s always cold in the Grawell,” said Aedi. “Maybe you should think about that before you push someone into the ocean,” snapped Nezo. He turned away again and continued walking. Aedi kept silent and followed. They were nearly at the top of the hill when Nezo walked right past a whale. Aedi called out to him and he turned and strained to see the shadowy figure of the whale. The sunlight in the Grawell only penetrated a dozen feet into the murky darkness—at two miles deep there was nearly no light at the bottom of the ocean. “Is that a whale,” asked Nezo. “I can barely see it.” “They won’t come close to the edge of the Seawall,” replied Aedi. Nezo put his hand on the rippling wall of water and tapped a few times while whistling. Aedi shook her head and tried to keep from laughing. “It’s not a dog,” said Aedi. Nezo ignored her and kept slapping the water. “Come on, I won’t hurt you,” called Nezo. Aedi jumped back from the Seawall when the creature turned and swam right to Nezo. He stuck his arm through the wall of water and petted the black and white killer whales nose. Aedi took a step back towards the Seawall, but the whale stuck it’s nose through the wall of water and she jumped back again. Nezo rubbed the whales nose, then kissed the creature. “For the love of Atan,” whispered Aedi. “You call a killer whale to you, and then kiss it… and you don’t believe you’re the ocean god’s son?” Nezo gently pushed the whale back into the water and turned his head to Aedi, and stuck his tongue at her. “Oh yeah, that’s mature,” said Aedi, dryly. “Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s magic,” replied Nezo. “Science rules the universe, not gods.” Aedi was about to reply with something witty, but another whale showed up and swam past only inches from Nezo—it’s fin just sticking out of the Seawall. Nezo laughed and chased after the whale, running his fingers along the water as he ran. More whales arrived and then the whale song began. She had heard whale song in the distance before, but that was just the whales singing to each other. These whales were singing to Nezo as he ran along beside them. She was afraid to move, the whales… the song… she didn’t want to ruin the moment. She watched the whales turn in the water and come back, and Nezo laughing and running with them. She was pretty sure Nezo was singing back to the whales. He ran past her, an entire pod of whales now following him, and he was singing—he was imitating their sounds. She watched Nezo running back and forth at the Seawall, he didn’t look very Caelum at the moment—he looked like a normal Atanian boy playing. Aedi knew the Tuwans didn’t really care about the old lifeboat, they were jealous that Atan had chosen a Caelum to be his son. But… Aedi also realized that the Tuwans had underestimated Nezo’s power. He could call the whales to him. Nezo was the very thing the Tuwans respected the most—he was strong, and powerful. Whatever Tuwan Clan Nezo belonged to would be the most powerful clan on the planet. He could even become strong enough to over-throw the Jon—the reigning Tuwan Prince of Atan. It would take the approval of the Caelum Prefect for her clan to war with the Jon’s clan, but Nezo was a Caelum, he could easily get approval. “How could my father not have seen all this?” Aedi whispered to herself. The whale song ended and the magnificent creatures swam off, becoming the shadowy figures she had seen many times. Nezo ran back panting, and grinning. “Well, I’m done, can I get my pitch now,” asked Nezo. Aedi nodded. “I’ll take you to my village.” “I’m not very welcome in the Grawell,” replied Nezo, glancing back the direction of his boat. “It’ll be okay, I promise,” said Aedi. Nezo shifted uncomfortably on his heels. “I’m not supposed to be here without a Cettise escort,” explained Nezo. “You know that, no Caelum is supposed to be out alone.” “Oh, because we might try to get the tech out of your head,” asked Aedi. “I give you my word as a Tuwan that nobody will hurt you.” Nezo glanced in the direction she indicated her village lay. The Grawell had long since been leveled into a series of rising agricultural plateaus. That would have been the first thing the Atanians did when they arrived in the new Grawell. Nezo could see the level of crops that rose in the distance. Above the crops were the rock cliffs of the ground the great Tuwan cranes were built to lift boats out to the surface of the ocean. “Okay, lets go,” said Nezo. “I need that pitch.” *** Aedi led the way and Nezo followed. He had never been to one of the Grawell villages, and was excited to at least see that. The temperature rose slightly as they wound around the paths and up through the crop levels. They passed through an orange grove, the Atanians had been in this Grawell for twelve years now and the trees were baring fruit. The trees were young though, the Atanians living here had lost all their previous trees when the Nezo Liner had sunk. A group of small children and an old man was picking fruit and saw Nezo. The group recognized Nezo as a Caelum and dropped to their knees in fear. There wasn’t anything Nezo could do about it and hurried past with Aedi. The village was tucked between two orchards, the trees provided insulation from the cold wind off the Seawall. The huts were simple, built of mud and straw. Nezo felt a stab of guilt at the condition the Atanians were made to live in. The Caelum kept the subjugated people of the galaxy in a brutal feudal system so they might never unite and develop technology that could challenge the Kesune Empire. Word of Nezo’s arrival must have proceeded him, a group of men armed with fishing spears came towards him. Nezo quickly bent down and picked up two rocks, he wasn’t sure if he could fight a half dozen men, but they would find out he wasn’t an easy target. “No, stop,” shouted Aedi, stepping between Nezo and the men. “Father, stop it, I gave my word as a Tuwan he wouldn’t be hurt.” The men stopped and one of them spoke. “You should not have done that, daughter, this is the boat thief.” “He’s not a boat thief, father,” said Aedi. “I saw Atan bring him down the Seawall, and then Atan appeared before me, and held Nezo as a father would, and Atan spoke to me. He said I have to help Nezo.” The men muttered between themselves, unsure now what to do. The man out front, Aedi’s father, furrowed his brow and glared at his daughter. He couldn’t refute Aedi’s statement without calling her a liar. “There is still the matter of the boat that must be dealt with,” said the man. “He is a thief, now or later, he must be brought to justice.” Aedi pulled the two batteries from her pocket and held them out. “He gave me these batteries, they could pay for the boat.” The man eyed the batteries suspiciously, and looked at Nezo-his eyes dropped to the two rocks Nezo was holding. Nezo felt silly holding the rocks and tossed them back on the ground. He wasn’t a Cettise and didn’t have their strength and speed, but he was still a Kesune, or at least half a Kesune. Nezo could probably be out of the village before the men took a dozen steps, but he also knew his limits—he was a very small Caelum. “And why would he give you batteries,” asked the man. “I did my job as a Tuwan and scolded him for the condition of his boat,” replied Aedi. “He didn’t act arrogant like a Caelum, he accepted the rebuke and asked where he could get some pitch to fix the boat like I told him. Then he offered to pay for the pitch with these batteries, but they’re more than enough to pay for the boat.” Nezo glanced at Aedi, that wasn’t exactly the way it had happened, but this wasn’t the right time to argue the finer points of the truth. The man took a step forward and Nezo braced himself to run. “I won’t accept the batteries for the boat,” replied the man. “I’ll accept them for the pitch. If the boat thief wants to win the rights to the boat, he can do it as an Atanian.” “I’m not giving up my boat, no matter what,” said Nezo, defiantly. “There it is, the arrogance of a Caelum,” said the man. “There is no Atanian in him.” “I’m not refusing to give up my boat because I’m Caelum,” said Nezo. “I’m refusing to give it up because my father died to put me in that boat.” Aedi looked back at Nezo and grinned, he had just given her the tack she needed. “See father,” said Aedi. “That’s what an Atanian would say.” “You insist on putting yourself between him and your clan,” asked the man. “Father, he’s the adopted son of the ocean god, I saw it,” argued Aedi. “How much stronger would we be if we made him a friend instead of an enemy.” “Very well then,” said the man. “This is on your head, daughter. He may enter the wave race, if he completes the race, I’ll relinquish my claim on the boat.” “Deal,” shouted Aedi. “Wait… what?” Nezo stepped up beside Aedi. “The wave race? No Caelum has ever been in the wave race… people die in that race.” Aedi grinned. “You can do it, and I’ll be in the race to keep an eye on you.” Nezo wanted to argue, but the wave race. He never imagined he could ever be in the race. This was a great opportunity, he could win the rights to his boat just by finishing the race, and the Tuwans would leave him alone from now on. Aedi retrieved the promised pitch, and a few other repair parts for the boat, and even a can of paint. The men left a guard to watch Nezo while he was in the village, but other than curious stares from the villagers, there wasn’t any further trouble. He returned to his boat with his new treasures and the ocean lifted him back up the Seawall. Nezo peered over the side of the boat and waved at Aedi. He had made a friend, even if she had pushed him in the ocean. *** Nezo was sitting on top of his boat back on the Caelum atoll when the familiar figure of Father Laevious approached on the path. Nezo sighed, he was probably in trouble. Father Laevious glanced at the barrel of pitch sitting next to Nezo’s boat, and then sat on a rock and stared sternly at Nezo. "Nezo, did you attend school today?" asked Father Laevious. "I wanted to see the whales," replied Nezo. "You went down to the Grawell," said Father Laevious, already aware of where Nezo spent the day. "Nobody saw me," said Nezo. "That’s not true, is it,” asked Father Laevious. “You went to a Tuwan village.” "So what," said Nezo, pursing his lips into a pout, he should have known Father Laevious would know everything. "I'm a Caelum, what can they do?" "You are half Caelum, and as such, your position is precarious," said Father Laevious. "You won't let them hurt me," said Nezo. "My boy, you have failed to understand what it is to be Caelum," scolded Father Laevious. "A father that finds weakness in a son will cast that son aside." Nezo's head shot up, the barest glimmer of hope sparkled in his eyes. "Are you claiming me as a son?" Father Laevious shook his head. "No, another has claimed that position." "Oh, that," said Nezo, the corner of his mouth curling slightly. "I want a real father, not make-believe stories." "Nezo, you should be more respectful, and careful," said Father Laevious. "You sleep under an old boat fifteen feet from the edge of the most violent ocean in the galaxy, and yet the waves part around you like a mother nestling her child." Nezo shrugged sulkily. “No more skipping classes, Nezo,” said Father Laevious. “Come to me if you have any problems.” Father Laevious stood and set a blanket on the rock. “The nights are getting colder, I thought you could use this.” “Umm… Father…” muttered Nezo. “Yes, you may race,” said Father Laevious. “But keep in mind, you will be the first Caelum to enter this race, all the Empire will be watching you.”

Comments (14)


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miwi

5:09AM | Wed, 28 October 2015

Excellent story,wonderful image,excellent done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Cyve

6:26AM | Wed, 28 October 2015

Fantastic image and great characters also !!!

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UteBigSmile

7:27AM | Wed, 28 October 2015

Sorry for not reading your story's, from my hubby I know that they are excellent ones, but your relatet image is an excellent looking one - Love it a lot!

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eekdog

7:34AM | Wed, 28 October 2015

Just superb writings my friend.

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auntietk

11:10AM | Wed, 28 October 2015

Nice job on the description of the sea wall! I could have waited a day and discovered you had already answered my questions. :P Nezo's unknown part calls him strongly toward exploration, but Laevious is correct ... he will have to embrace both sides of his heritage if he is to accomplish what he was born to do.

Wolfenshire

9:42PM | Wed, 28 October 2015

Actually, your advice made me go back and insert a few edits to better visualize the Grawell and the Seawall.

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bakapo

11:53AM | Wed, 28 October 2015

I love the seawall idea; very clever and cool. and the whales, what a fantastic scene!!! your conversations are well written and realistic, too.

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netsuke

2:23PM | Wed, 28 October 2015

Great segment - I like your being able to write a longer segment. Nice illustration.

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jendellas

3:49PM | Wed, 28 October 2015

Great there are whales, love the image. xx

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aubedo

5:55PM | Wed, 28 October 2015

Nice work...

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ontar1

6:00PM | Wed, 28 October 2015

Wow, great story, love the descriptions and flow, outstanding work!

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GrandmaT

9:29PM | Wed, 28 October 2015

Wonderful! Great characters and story.

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Roco43

1:35AM | Fri, 30 October 2015

Nice image

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Radar_rad-dude

9:16PM | Sun, 01 November 2015

A wonderful scene and excellent chapter! Bravo!

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anahata.c

9:44PM | Mon, 16 November 2015

Rather than go back to the beginning, for now I'm going to the next chapter from where I left off. If I comment here less often than on my 'visual' visits, it's because of the length and breadth of your writing...it takes more time for me to read it and absorb your details. But I gave a good amount of time to this and the last installment, which your writing is worth; so I make up for it in the end.

You paint a scene very clearly, and with succinct paragraphs, and sharp pointed dialogue. In this part, you'll take us into a scene via dialogue first, then the surrounding gets fleshed out. And you've started several bits of dialogue with questions about what's about to happen (will Aedi warm up to Nezo, will Nezo give in to her demands, etc etc), and you take us into each section very deftly with these interchanges. I don't know if Aedi has been in this story before, but she comes to us, here, as a full blown person, whose mysteries are present in glimpses and flashes, which make us all the more desirous of getting to know her, incl how she thinks and feels, and what her deeper motivations are. She strikes me as someone with definite goals, but you've painted her with real complexity too, so she may have many feelings we haven't yet seen. Then again, if this were her 'last' appearance, she'd have been a fine character in this one chapter alone. Determined but mysterious, strong willed but with other emotions as well.

The scene where nezo goes into the water the first time---where he's pushed---is striking. The appearance of his real father is done very dramatically, esp because nezo doesn't see him as aedi does. A wonderful duality, he appears, nezo doesn't know it, he commands and requests, and he leaves. And the scene where nezo is running with the whales is marvelous: You don't use lots of descriptives, but you paint the scene strongly nevertheless. Like a child running with dogs beside and behind him...a scene of real joy. Except these 'dogs' are massive whales. It's quite a sight to conjure, and it shows---with little awareness on nezo's part---how powerful he really is. He runs, whales follow.

And the seawall is a wonderful concept too. I like how you bring it in here and there, including nezo's knocking on it as if calling dogs. The dog image is fine because it makes these whales---huge imposing beasts---seem like loving pets in nezo's presence. Which, in a way, they are.

And the meeting with Aedi's people is tense and complex, the energies go in several directions before the race is determined as the 'proving ground'. You resolve things well. Resolve as in give a final shape or direction to a scene...I don't mean you sum up the whole work. Not that kind of resolution (which would only be appropriate for the end, anyway...) And, in dramatic fashion, you end by, at first, making us think he'll never be allowed to run the race...but then Father Laevious gives him permission---showing gentility after showing stern rebuke. It's very believable and emotionally fulfilling. Even not having read what came before the last chapter, I'm genuinely absorbed in the tale. Fine work, and your short paragraphs of description, mixed with sharp dialogue (with lightness and sarcasm thrown in as fine spices), make for fine pacing and rhythm. (And I like the idea that they have to go 'up'---in the opening scenes---to find the whales. They're too far down...the quirky enchantment of that seawall and gravity hole...very well done.)


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