Star Trek Too, "The Tunnel" by WolaverJS
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Description
This story is a contemporary of Star Trek, the original series. It is set in the time and at the technology level of Captain Kirk and the original U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701. It is Star Trek Too, meaning also. There was the original series of course, but this too is Star Trek - or will be if I achieve the lofty goal I have set for this effort. I mean to write a Star Trek story of my own without co-opting Gene Roddenberry's characters or ship. This story has another purpose which will be revealed after this story is published in it's entirety.
The original series Star Trek stories always had two stories in one episode. First and most obvious was the "western set in space" adventure, second was the deeper examination of some moral or social imperative that usually made you think and sometimes even kept you up at night. I'm trying very sincerely here to rise to that challenge with help from my family and friends who are named in the credits. I expect to need as many as a dozen more posts to tell this story completely - both stories I suppose - and the title will figure prominently in both story-lines.
Please register and give feedback on this first posting. There are 7 panels so please view them all. I sincerely want feedback on all of it - costumes, characters, story, hook-value, scripting, anything you see or perceive that I might learn from and improve by. If I sent you an e-mail link to view this and you prefer not to create an account here, please send me your feedback by e-mail reply - I very much want your input.
Thank you, all.
Comments (2)
RodS
Looking really good here, Jim! The panels are laid out well, and the narration is readable even without enlarging the panels. The immersion room looks quite relaxing and refreshing. I could use a little time there myself. The font is perfect for a ST story! And of course Layla is looking so lovely! Off to an epic start, sir! Looking forward to more!
WolaverJS
Thank you, RodS! Coming from an "Artist of the Year" winner, that is high praise indeed! Thank you for the specifics on points you liked such as the narration, the font in the credits and the feedback on the immersion room. I'm glad you found Layla pleasant to look at too!
I'm also interested in any negatives - I want to consider all feedback so that I can produce the best possible product as I work on the rest of this story. Looking forward to everyone's comments, so feel free to weigh-in! I'm working on the next piece of the story already.
max-
It looks like a very interesting story and written in clear easy-to-read style which I personally love (as opposed to convoluted, annoyingly complex style), but the hardest part is to carry it through, and the super-hardest part is to end it well. I wish I could be of help but I don't have enough inspiration and spark left in me to even finish the sequel to my own book.
WolaverJS
You've highlighted the positive and pointed the lights at the most difficult trick going forward. Points taken with gratitude! I've produced 1.5 frames more and work continues. We'll see more soon!
WolaverJS
By the way, it you have a story to tell and need help, feel free to communicate with me, I may be able to assist. I'm sure RodS feels the same way, he's the one who persuaded me to publish my work. Before that, I was just sharing stuff I made with him on site mail. Publishing is a challenge I grant you, but there are those of us willing to do more than appreciate what we see (which is always welcome). I for one will assist if I know who and how.