The Reflection (poem) by naria
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Description
The Reflection
The old reflection
In the crystal pool
Touches the aged skin
And remembers a time
So long ago
When stars shone bright
And wishes cast came true
In a time when earth was green
And love was true
So long ago
Now the green is steel
Fires murder the brightest star
Lust prevails
And a single tear falls
Creating a ripple
The memory fades
The reflection staggers
And all hope for the future withers
Comments (4)
Anugama
This poem is a very good read, Beautful... Well done. :)
BARAHOTTA
while reading i started to sing :) - really good
tjames
In S2 I think you lost it on l2. If your intent was to compare a simple world reflected vs. a complex modern world you haven't made it clear.You've dropped the refrain "so long ago" that gives you two lines to work with. If you find a way to restore that balance in S2 and work a new refrain with three words that ties everything together then the poem will be complete. You've got a great start, but a real tough road ahead on this one. I hope you find the words you're looking for.
Jalen
ur descrption is very vivid...Jalen