Thu, Nov 21, 1:07 PM CST

Lightning - (a sad attempt at a haiku)

Writers Romance posted on Aug 09, 2004
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Description


Love, like lightning, Is beautiful from a distance. But don't get struck. Blush mentioned 5-7-5. so here's another go: Love is like lightning, Beautiful from a distance, But don't hope it strikes Better?

Comments (8)


roadrunner69

2:11PM | Tue, 10 August 2004

I liked the simple metaphor/analogy of this piece, albeit could be taken by one as a 'tongue-in-cheek' piece or a 'been there' piece .... excellent 'message'!

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Blush

2:27AM | Wed, 11 August 2004

I don't think the 5-7-5 syllabe count means much anymore he A very good attempt I may add Nice to meet you I just posted a poem too Hope ya come see me as well Once bitten twice shy:) Susan~

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BlueLotus7

6:48AM | Wed, 11 August 2004

I now prefer to stay sheltered until the storm passes! ;)

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Hyria

8:37AM | Wed, 11 August 2004

very cool yup 5-7-5 though I agree with blush rhythm doesn't mean much anymore. Very good haiku though :)

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katili

2:27PM | Wed, 11 August 2004

I still like your poem, to be honest I am not smart enough to syllabe count concerning poems in English, so I didn't notice anything wrong in the first version. Haikus have today softened rules, but I like the original idea of having something from the nature and combine it with life and that the ending line is an answer or something like that.

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experimental

8:02AM | Thu, 12 August 2004

I like this haiku because it says what it means to and isn't loaded with strange metaphors. It's straight and to the point. Maybe that's what would make it terrible in a purists eyes, but I like it. Perhaps the original version was better in my eyes, the newer one sounds awkward.

)

idiot_sphinx

10:03PM | Sat, 14 August 2004

Great work ! It says it all :D Keep on going !

)

summer1412

12:03AM | Wed, 13 October 2004

I like your Haiku. It has a very nice flow. Keep up the great work! (Heh, 5-7-5)


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