The endless journey by cagewench
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Description
This is actually one of my few attempts at a short (quite short actually) story.
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The endless journey
I felt like I was floating; warm and safely cradled. The dream ended abruptly, causing me to stretch and change position.
Soon I was lulled by a familiar sensation of swaying, as if aboard a ship purposefully sailing across the ocean to a far-off destination full of promise and delight.
My toes curled and uncurled and my hands became fists as the unexpected discomfort began. This too was rhythmic but in a different sense.
Like the pounding of drums in a primitive culture as natives danced about a raging fire, their shadows and forms telling stories of brave warriors engaged in battle with outsiders.
I remembered the smoky taste of meat prepared on a spit, the sensation of sweat beading on my bare flesh and the grittiness of the dirt and sand beneath my callused feet. I could smell the foliage, the food, and the people
The endless journey
I felt like I was floating; warm and safely cradled. The dream ended abruptly, causing me to stretch and change position.
Soon I was lulled by a familiar sensation of swaying, as if aboard a ship purposefully sailing across the ocean to a far-off destination full of promise and delight.
My toes curled and uncurled and my hands became fists as the unexpected discomfort began. This too was rhythmic but in a different sense.
Like the pounding of drums in a primitive culture as natives danced about a raging fire, their shadows and forms telling stories of brave warriors engaged in battle with outsiders.
I remembered the smoky taste of meat prepared on a spit, the sensation of sweat beading on my bare flesh and the grittiness of the dirt and sand beneath my callused feet. I could smell the foliage, the food, and the people
Comments (16)
Ord
excellent writing ;O)
waltonm
With my first read I am intrigued and like it. The ambiguities are egaging. I've printed it out to reread, I never quite trust reading anything on a monitor.
TallPockets
Wonderful written work. Excellent.
cagewench
thanks :)
netsia
I like this....the juxtapositions of dreams/lives. The dreamscape or for some , travel. ;) excellent
cagewench
I wrote this awhile ago, because when my son was born I was so curious as to what he might remember but not be able to communicate as a newborn. And I used some of my own dreams/memories to flesh it out.
Wolfspirit
I as well enjoyed this and thank you for sharing, as I too have written something similar as far as other lives lived/or dreams/journey/s but have yet to post it, maybe I will now. As yes this your first attempt at a short story I find you have done an extraordinary job of it as I do so often look forward to reading that of which you write and post here in what ever form you wish to present it. Thanks again.
classyladytwo
It is beautiful very heart warming walking through life as many different people each one never ending wonderful writting excellently done *V
cagewench
thanks :)
atom80
Mouth drops open First off, let me say I hate to read. Period. I hate to read anything, unless I know it's a subject I'm interested in. Second, let me say I am so blown away by your talent! Finally, no matter how short this is, it is truly a joy to read. You have an incredible gift for creating atmosphere with wonderful descriptions!
cagewench
Honestly, the lovely comments I've received on this have really made my day. Because I know that short stories are not really something I'm good at so I really appreciate all the comments and am pleasantly surprised that they've all been so positive :)
Lissa_lei
I like all the mix of people, each one in their own place and time, sorry if I do not understand some of it, but it is a story of life of many places and times, and is very real. Thanks. Eccelent* Lina
bardobedlam
Wow. Interesting. I understand your difficulty with puting a image to this. I do like your choice though has a fits with the shitng of the written imagery.
Rooster
I love the flow of this story! Sudden, yet smooth transitions. I really like your descriptions, puts the reader right there with the feelings, emotions, and surroundings that you describe. EXCELLENT piece of work! V
cagewench
Thanks everyone :)
cagewench
bardobedlam you mean "shifting" right?