Fall by miserys_extacy
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Description
Tempting you are with those big bright eyes.
How inviting the space between your lips,
Whispering to the high above skies.
Somewhere you are flying, or is it that you are falling?
I can only see that you are not here...
Not anywhere near where I'm imprisoned.
Hear me screaming?!
You can't.
I'm not.
I'm suffocating,
Suffocating in front of you DREAMER.
Your head isn't here,
Maybe you are an apparition.
Don't you know skies aren't the blue of your dreams?
They're black,
They're heavy,
They're ready to fall,
Crushing.
And you will miss it DREAMER.
Will you miss me?
How I love you,
How I envy you,
Won't you paint my skies blue too?!
Paste them back up in place,
Dust the dirt off the lights?
Take me away, DREAMER,
I don't want to be awake!
Hide me away my DREAMER,
Till life itself is my dream.
Comments (6)
miserys_extacy
I am new to Renderosity, and I was excited to post something and get a response. I am really working on my writing skills, so I am open to suggestions. I am told a lot that I need to work with metaphors and such more. This isn't one of my favorites, but it hits a tender spot for me. Thanks for viewing!
cagewench
I like it, I am wondering at the all caps on the word "dreamer" as you can do some basic html to bold or italicize... in line 4 you used "your" instead of "you're" or "you are falling". All in all, I like this :) And think it's a solid first submission to Renderosity :)
miserys_extacy
I capitalized it on purpose, it needed more importance than just bold or italic letters. Thanks for the help with my grammar. :)
miserys_extacy
I really love to hear feedback. Thank you to all who take the time to take a look and wrote responses to my other piece!
miserys_extacy
My art skills are pretty pathetic, as can easily be see, so if anyone is willing to help me with thumbnails, that would be fantastic!
lostandconfuzed
I loved this one. I think you offer something new when you compare someone/something else to you. I like the idea of the blue skies...i agree, they arent always as blue as we would like them to be.