P.S. I realize this is an unflattering photo but it fits with how I feel right now... I think I have insulated myself from life by gaining all this excess weight for the past few years and I'm mad at myself for it...

"Came up a few lines of this one while in the tub..." -- I used to bathe in the 'tub' (showers only nowadays - Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!-- "Rubber ducky, you're the one") WINK. But, seriously young lady: Quit being so darned hard on yourself! Welcome aboard the human race choo choo train. ALL ABOARD! Your writing is brilliant, again. I'm getting really tired of you making mine look so bad. ~SIGH~ V O T E, I suppose. WINK 2.(edited)

Wonderful work and hit me damned close to home. HUGZ

It's what's inside that counts, young lady. Strong and direct, this poem expresses how you feel very well indeed.

I always knew you did your best work in the tub. Er...uhmmm...cough. You know what I mean. Well-written and very powerful in it's simplicity.

Hey, CaraI understand these feelings BIG HUGS!!! And if you do get motivated and decide to try to increase your exercise and loose a bit like I too might do one dayRemember something for me okYou will loose it as fast as you put it onmeaning try not to get discouragedIt took a long time to gain that weight, you just were not watching yourself gain it like you will be when you attempt to loose it.. So no starving yourself to deathin the long run that hurts you way more then it is worthSo know at first when you increase you exercise you will gain weight not loose it. Because at first you will build muscle, long before you loose an ounce of fatI know to many people who started exercising only to give up because they were gaining not loosing at firstAnyhow, over all I really think youre a very beautiful woman just the way you are, but you have to make you happy, and I have to admitI have gained weight and desired to loose it too off and on, but I am currently to lazymaybe one dayOr maybe notAnyhow CaraThanks for sharing"Warm friendly understanding smiles"

I think people are far too harsh on them selves. It is what is inside of you that counts, you are young and you have talent. Well written.

Wow, I got a lot of nice responses this morning :) Thanks everyone, for the advice, support and compliments but mostly for the shared sense of understanding...

Shadowmonkey, I suppose age is in the eye of the beholder, in the path of my life, I feel I am quite old here at the age of 32...

Cara, you keep writing my life, or portions of it, so it seems. It is a comforting thought to know that others are able to relate. Not only relate but that others go through these things aswell, both physically and emotionally. You are a bloody brilliant writer. Your writing moves me in ways I am unable to describe. Thank you again for sharing your words and soul with us. (Gawd I'm such a cheese ball)

Sarah, you are so NOT a cheesball, though cheeseballs are very delicious things (I of course am referring to cream cheese balls, of which I had some on Sat nummy) ;)

'For inside the walls of flesh and bone exists a little girl alone'....in our core, we are still the child. When I was in my mid 40's, the lady neighbor asked me if I was going to cut my hair and get over my hippy years....get a perm and growup. My answer, I will do that when you stop buying 'wine in a box'. My hair is still to my ass and I'm sure she is still enjoying 'beaujolis du yesterday'. LOL You know your path and you've taken the first steps. :)

:):):) I LOL'd at what you thought of saying to your neighbour :)

The insurrection will surely succeed and the little girl be finally freed. As an old fart of 58 I have many walls, most of them very thick and sturdy. What's worse is that I have no desire to tear them down. How does one contemplate success? You succeed in voicing the feelings of many others, that deserves some contemplation.

thank you :)

I know how u feel. I've gained so much weight and I'm mad at myself for it too. Sometimes you just can't help it you know? I guess that's my problem, too many excuses and not doing anything about it....UGH. Time to get my booty movin :) Hey, think about this too, if you try to lose weight....you will start to feel so much better about yourself...I keep telling myself that because I don't like the way I look :)

I think I am addicted to food... Like Fat Bastard said in Austin Powers, "I eat because I am unhappy and I am unhappy because I eat" though that's an over-simplification...