Desire Have you ever desired something so much that it has woke you out of a dead sleep? While you lay there peacefully dreaming, suddenly you are ripped from your slumber, sweating and sick to your stomach with the knowledge that you cannot obtain your deepest desire. You begin to question if you are losing your grip on your sanity. Everything that you have worked for and achieved now no longer means anything. All of your achievements become chains, restraining you from obtaining your heart and soul's desire. What would you give up just to obtain this desire...even if just for a moment? Would you give up your material possessions, family or sell your soul just to experience this desire for a brief moment? The thoughts and emotions that you experience are almost too much to handle. While fear knots your stomach, anger and desperation cloud your mind to rational thought. Reality and fantasy become so blurred that it is hard to tell one from another. At times, you can spend hours lost within these fantasies. Time no longer flows along its normal course. A half hour drive to the office turns into days spent elsewhere. At times it is hard to return. The enjoyment of the alternative makes the return to reality almost painfully unbearable. Anger and hate for everything that has pulled you away runs rampant through your brain. Never can we see that the object of our desire is what is causing these emotions. We can only direct them to what is keeping this desire from us. I fear now that I am in the grips of the deepest desire I have ever experienced. Never before I have had so much to lose and so little to actually gain...yet, the desire is almost too much to resist. It is moments like now that allow me to clearly rationalize what is happening. How long this will last, I do not know. As time goes one, these moments of rest from the pain grow longer. I do not know if I hope that eventually it will go away, or fear that I may be losing that which will make me complete and whole in this life. Even now, just the thought of losing what I desire causes my stomach to catch fire and my vision to blur. Yet, I find that I am not resisting this slide from reality. Maybe I am trying to show and convince my mind what my heart and soul ache for. Maybe I am hoping to be forever lost inside these fantasies. I have found that these desires are the most emotional pain we will experience in our lives. They bring to the surface and show us what we are missing so that we can be complete. A loved one lost. A skill to improve our quality of life. Companionship with our fellow man. Why are we subjected to these deep desires that hurt so deeply? I believe that if we knew the answer, we would end up forsaking and sacrificing everything......and maybe we should.