True story. -------------------------------------------------- 12/23/04 - 9:18 A.M. I was awoken this morning by a voice in my head. It only said one thing and it said it once, but I heard what it said quite clearly. "You have 24 hours to live" The first thing I did was check my watch, not entirely registering what the voice meant. It was 9:18 in the morning. I was currently at my future mother-in-law's house and my fiancee was still snoring next to me. I laid there staring at the ceiling wondering what I would do next. I realized that I didn't have anything left I wanted to do in my life, and that death would be just fine by me. 24 hours from now I would be on the road on my way home to my family for Christmas Eve, it would probably be a road accident. We were a good 700 miles away from home, in Pennsylvania, and were still in decision about whether we wanted to spend the entire day before Christmas on the road, or leave in the night and arrive in the morning (which was how we got out here). I just laid there, continuing to stare at the ceiling. 12/23/04 - 10:32 A.M. "24 hours to live" kept echoing in my head. I was torturing myself with those little words. Were they true? There is only one way to find out. Do I have control over it? I still want to know whether I should take control of my destiny and not go anywhere within the next 24 hours, or should I just accept it and live like any other day. I'm still laying here in bed staring at the ceiling and listening to my fiancee snore away next to me. Should I tell her what I heard, or should I keep it to myself? If I tell her she will either ridicule me for believing in it, or over compensate with extra comfort, which really gets on my nerves. I don't see any reason why anyone should know, I would certainly look crazy. 12/23/04 - 11:04 A.M. It's actually 12:04 A.M. here in Pennsylvania, but I never set my watch ahead when we crossed the time zone. I'm not even sure where the line is. My fiancee is just waking up. I smile at her, give her a quick kiss, and get up. This is my way of letting her know that I've been waiting quite impatiently for her to wake her ass up. I put on my slippers and shuffle down the stairs, the words still echoing loudly in my head. 12/23/04 - 11:30 A.M. I keep checking my watch to see how long I have to live. All my life I've been curious about the afterlife. Now it is my turn to find out. Perhaps life just ends when it ends and there is nothing. If that's the case, then I don't want to go. But if there is actually something after death, I am ready to find out. We are sitting downstairs watching a movie that we had started watching the other day. We were interrupted, and never got to finish it. I really would like to see the ending for Jungle 2 Jungle before I die. Okay, so that was a little bit of sarcasm. 12/23/04 - 12:18 P.M. 21 hours left. I can't stop checking my watch. As soon as this movie is over, we are going to say our goodbyes to her mother and drive an hour and a half north to visit her ex-step-father, the best dad she's ever known. The dogs will miss us most of all. Her mother's golden retriever adores me, and will come up and sit on my lap. Biggest lap dog I've ever known. I've never had a better friend. 12/23/04 - 1:55 P.M. On the road again. Pennsylvania has never been quite so beautiful as it is today. Perhaps it's just in my eyes. There have been quite a few news reports on TV about Ohio and Indiana being completely covered with snow. We have to drive straight through both those states to get home, and we're not entirely sure if we want to risk it tomorrow. Pennsylvania is getting a mild rain storm right now, and I am just loving it. The river is still clouded with mist, and I couldn't help but stop and take a picture. There a little spots of clouds where the sun shines through and hits the river, lighting it up like fire. The roads are slightly slippery, but I'm not worried, I've still got quite a bit of time to live yet. 12/23/04 - 6:47 P.M. Oh my god, I've almost forgotten that this is my last day on earth. Or maybe not. This could be some sort of psychological plot I made up, or just remnants of a dream that I can't remember. We arrived at her ex-step-father's house just fine. We gave them their Christmas gifts, they gave us ours. We opened them and admired the useless garbage for a few minutes and packed it away in our bags. Now we are at a Chinese Buffet restaurant and all I can think about is that this is my last meal. I stuffed myself beyond all reasonable limits. If I were ever to own a buffet restaurant, and I might if I survive tomorrow, it will be nothing but fried foods. 12/23/04 - 8:30 P.M. Okay, so maybe my last meal was a little too much. I am certainly regretting it now. So is anyone who walks anywhere near the bathroom. As I'm sitting here, another thought crosses my mind, this could be my very last dump. It's certainly a good one. 12/24/04 - 12:30 A.M. We've been watching the local weather channel show trucks in Indiana sliding around on the snow for several hours now. Each time I watch them, I wonder what was going through the drivers mind as they spun into the telephone pole. Probably something along the lines of "Oh SHIT!" Their own mortality probably crossed their mind very slightly with the line of "I'm going to die" I want to go to bed now, they haven't shown anything new for at least an hour, and I just want to get this whole thing over with. I fell asleep on the floor in front of the TV while my fiancee was still watching. Just before I fell asleep I think I muttered something about waiting till 9:30 to leave tomorrow. 12/24/04 - 6:30 A.M. Her ex-step-father woke me up with a mild kick to the head telling me that my dog wanted out. I looked up to see him walking back to his room in his underwear scratching his ass. It wasn't the first sight I wanted to see on my last day on earth. It didn't take me long to remember. I got up and took our dog outside into the freezing cold (a little 6 month old beagle who is quieter than any other dog I've ever known). It wasn't long before my fiancee woke up and we decided that we would leave today. Screw it all, snow or no snow, I was going home. 12/24/04 - 8:30 A.M. And we're off. The usual last minute delays like packing the car, using the restroom, dawdling and stuff applied. Never has anyone in my family ever gotten up and hopped into the car and left. There is always unlimited dawdling to be had, especially when you have less than an hour to live. I just hope it's not too painful. I've always been a little bit of a wimp when it comes to extreme pain. My fiancee wanted to drive, I didn't really want her to, but I let her anyways. We got about 2 and a half miles down the road when I realized I was still wearing my slippers, and that my shoes were back at the house on the vent heating up. She pulled an illegal U turn and we went back to get them. We got back and everybody had already left, but the doors weren't locked so I just opened the door, hollered "Knock, Knock, I forgot my shoes," grabbed my shoes and we left again. The roads were pretty clear by now, no black ice, no giant snow drifts, I had started to wonder how exactly it was I was going to die. 12/24/04 - 9:15 A.M. Here we are, T minus 3 minutes to showdown. I just realized that I would be dying on the day before Christmas. Go figure. I was driving now so I was in control of my own fate. She had gotten tired after about half an hour (she's not used to waking up at 6:30 in the morning). The roads were completely beautiful, nothing to denote any danger whatsoever. I lit my last cigarette (yes folks, I gave up on quitting a while ago) and just drove on. 12/24/04 - 9:18 A.M. Perhaps the voice was just an approximated time. I watched my watch tick away the seconds until 9:18. I had lived a good life. I may not have left the mark on the world that I wanted to, but I was ready to go. C'mon, bring it on! Where is it?! I looked back at my watch and watched the seconds tick away to 9:19. Nothing was going to happen to me. There was still that stinking fear in the back of my head that it would come at any time. -------------------------------------------------- Needless to say, I had a wonderful holiday.