Description
It was about ten after five in the morning...or maybe it was five after ten.
Either way, when I woke up, I could tell by that empty feeling in my stomach that it was gonna be a long day.
That could have just been hunger.
It all started out okay, mind you. I brushed my teeth in the morning like I always do...only for some reason my toothbrush was inside a small container beside the toilet. I suppose my mouth shrunk, or the toothbrush grew; either way, the long bristly object just wouldn't fit in my mouth. It smelled a bit like comet cleanser, as well.
I came to the conclusion that someone had decided to replace my toothbrush, and never told me.
But, being of a good heart, I didn't say anything. No one wants to discuss the matter of toothbrushes anyway.
I got dressed like usual and headed off to school, only to discover that they were "closed on Sunday" - or so the sign said.
I came to the conclusion that they just didn't want me there anymore. A deep pit of sorrow burrowed itself within me, and I began to weep.
Oh, how I yearned for education!
Looking tentatively at the empty parking lot, wondering if my friends were inside the school, I turned south and headed back to my northward home.
When I arrived and walked through the kitchen door - which I could have sworn was in the living room before my departure earlier that morning - I merrily called out, "Honey, I'm home!" There were no returned greetings. It seems the people I lived with didn't remember me at all. One woman (oh, if only I could put a name to that unfamiliar face!) exclaimed, "What are you doing in my house, you freak?!" and started throwing various heavy metal objects at my head.
After being thwacked in the forehead with a kamikaze spatula, I came to the conclusion that I was no longer wanted there.
On my way out the door, I considered the fact that perhaps my wife didn't love me anymore; that she had found another man.
Then it occurred to me that I was fifteen years old, female, and didn't have a wife. Walking further down the road, I realized that I wasn't even married.
For the second time that day, I wept.
After walking for quite some time, I came to a sign that read: "WELCOME TO CHERRY FALLS". My brow furrowing slightly, I began to look around.
Much to my disappointment, there were no cherries falling.
I came to the conclusion that the sign was merely an example of false advertising.
I meandered around a bit more, and found another sign that read: "CHERRY FALLS PARK". Beyond the sign was a large stretch of property, with trees and a sidewalk curving through it.
Entering the property, I was once again disappointed to discover that there were no cherries - falling or parked.
I did, however, discover a young fellow dressed in black and white stripes. He had peculiar black and white stains on his face. I made a mental note to keep my distance, in fear of an undiagnosed skin disease.
Watching him a bit more, I observed that he was moving around quite eccentrically - groping the air in front of him, as if trapped in an invisible box.
"You're looking a bit sad, old chap," I said in a British accent, even though I was from Jersey.
He shrugged his slender shoulders and acted as if he were pulling a rope.
Thinking perhaps this was some sort of game from the fellow's indigenous territory, I pretended to grab the rope and pull. I must admit, however, that pulling an invisible rope is much more strenuous then it looks.
After a time of quarreling over the unseen rope, the black and white fellow released his end, and I went flying backward.
I came to the conclusion that invisible ropes and black and white fellows weren't a valuable waste of my time.
So, I left the land of no cherries, and began walking in the direction from whence I came.
After a good amount of walking, I came upon a house. It was a nice house, with yellow shutters and a yellow door. So, I sat on the doorstep of this house and took a break.
Within moments, the door opened, and a quite lovely woman looked down at me. "Summer! There you are, darling, I've been looking all over for you!"
"Aha!" I declared. "So you must be my wife!"
The lovely woman laughed, looking lovelier than an elephant prancing through the African Savannah. "Come inside, lunch is ready."
So I walked into the lovely woman's house, and sat down at the lovely woman's table, and ate the lovely woman's food.
"Have you any cherries?" I asked when I was through.
"Cherries?"
"Yes. You see, I just came from a place that advertised cherries, and now I have a most insatiable craving."
So, moments later, she brought me a bowl of cherries. "Careful, they have pits," she warned.
"Thanks, honey," I replied. "I'm so lucky to have a wife like you."
It took a good couple of hours to discover that she was, in fact, my mother.
Later that night, I made a mental note to call the school first thing in the morning and discover why I wasn't welcome on a Sunday morning.
I just hoped I could make an excuse to my teacher as to why I hadn't shown up.
I came to the conclusion that it was time for me to sleep, and so, I slept.
It never occurred to me, however, that sleeping often involves the closing of one's eyes.
Needless to say, I had a rather hard time blinking the next morning.
Comments (3)
japes
Very entertaining. I like the alternate discriptions of common things, especially the Toilet Bowl Brush. Looking forward to more segments.
angel_of_darkness
Amazing and very entertaining awesome! Really made me laugh. I am looking forward to more segments as well!
Shadowmonkey
These segments are really enjoyable to read. Thank you for posting them. ;0)