Dear Ginny, first no apologies necessary, for it is not silly at all to hurt as you do for someone you have not seen in years and especially a father. I lost a lot of time with my father after my grandmother died and then my mother the day after her died also, both just two years after my one sister I spoke of before in my early 20s. I left home. (A long story) after their deathsa very hurt young ladyI went a long ways away. Anyhow, I had not seen my father in years then I had an opportunity to see him and took it, the first and last time two of my children ever met their grandfather. It was brief but a much needed meeting for us both and then I left again to care for some dear and loving friends who were battling cancer at the time I unaware my father was ill also. Again, I moved far away. After I left and made it to my destination, my father knew why I was leaving he, called me to tell me he loved me, and he was dying of cancer as well. This broke my heart at the time and I did not understand why he did not tell me before I left, as I was close enough to where he lived before I had moved to be by his side. Although I know now he knew, I would not go to be with these friends of mine and he knew they needed me too A giving loving man he was Anyhow, on the phone that day I told him I loved him too with all my heartand I would be there as soon as I could get a flight outthen we hung up the phone I could not get a flight to get to him before he died and in fact, at the time I was not even able to attend his funeral. Yet he loved me and I loved him we both knew this in our hearts and minds and that is enoughit truly is Ginny. I know you miss your dad, and you will hurt as it is ok to feel the pain to cryyet know you and your father's spirits were and are connected and that is the truest love it is All my hugs to you Ginny I feel your pain in this hard moment and time, and always know if you need me, and there is anything, I can do in anyway for you or whatever I am here for you.

Oh my dear Angel, you cannot know how this speaks to my heart also... My daddy and I... He died a few years ago after far too many years of not even any contact.. A year before he died, he had disowned me! Why? Because I am me! I always loved him, and I always will. Closure came when I prayed, and allowed myself to write a letter from him telling me all of the things I needed for him to have said to me. Deep, I know, but this changed my perspective and helped the healing process... I will be praying for you as you go through the grieving process too.

Dear Ginny, this speaks to a lot of people - and it speaks directly to me, also. I've been through those strained family relations - and I survived! It's not easy, it's never easy, but we do survive things - and we have to move on. I too have well known the grief of losing someone so close and yet so distant. But I HAVE learned to survive and to put the sadness away and to make the best of what I DO have. I don't know how to tell you to do that - but you must - and you will - get through this time of such tormenting grief - and then move on. Don't let this be another thing from the past that darkens your now's. Your father would never want that - no one would want that. Honor his love and memory in your heart and live your life as he would want you to! Love, Meredith

My mother died this past June and for me it was devastating because my father died when I was only three and my mother had a nervous breakdown when I was about ten...lost her for almost 25 years to overmedication and crossmedication so that in effect I grew up parentless.You always have regrets when to a degree you were in charge of raising yourself and doing a poor job because you didn't know how...then have the added burden of having everyone think you should not only care for yourself but your mother as well,to blame you for all her problems when you had your own which you couldn't deal with.They finally took her off the meds and for the past five years I had my mother back.She was more a stranger I came to depend upon like a friend but what we should have had just never developed...then she died as a result of poor medical treatment and I was left in total shock because I finally lost my mother and all the regret of what I lost tore into me like a ravenous beast.It took time to recover but still suffering her loss...you may have lost a father but what you express here struck a chord with me cause you lost someone who hasn't been there for quite a while and regret seems to be what has hurt you so much.I hope you have rebounded a bit and have family,I had no one so know how much family means.Bless you m'lady:)

Hi Ginny, Even though we have done some talking through the instant messenger, I wanted to add something here! One of the things that will probably bother you for a long time is mourning the finality of the lack of relationship with your father. As I told you earlier, it has been 10 years since my father passed away. I was so angry because there was no longer any hope of a reconciliation between us! Sometimes that anger still surfaces, and I still cry about it. One thing I have learned from that experience is this, and perhaps it will help. If you love someone, tell them. Even if you are not getting along with them. Sometimes the last goodbye you say to someone IS the last goodbye. And I know how hard that is for those of us who have been abused by family, and been betrayed by some of the very people who were supposed to protect us. It really messes up your whole concept of 'love' and makes one very distrustful of anyone who says they love you. Over the years my concept of love has changed in to what I feel is healthy. When I love, I don't 'expect' to be loved in return. We love who we love, warts and all. My father was a vicious, sadistic alcoholic, but I loved him. I still do. For me sometimes it helps to 'talk' to him. I know he can't hear me, but for me, it is part of the healing process. After 10 years, sometimes I can think of him and smile, sometimes, I cry and sometimes as I said earlier, I am really angry! Just know that I am here for you too! It seems from reading your other comments that there are some wonderful people here who care deeply for you. That is wonderful. Add me to the list! You know how to reach me if you want to talk. Take care lady! Leanndra

I do not speak to my father, sometimes I wish I could but it would be too complicated. I can connect with this and I know the pain of seperation

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. ~hugs~

I know your loss love .There are no words that could ever change how you are feeling right now . I am truely sorry for your loss .Love Blessings and a very big hug

...dammit, Ginny... :,(

Wonderful piece. I can tell how your dad was just by how you are. Methinks 'dad' did well. WINK. My ''pop'' died a few years back. I talk to him outside many nights in the early a.m. hours. I ask him why Indiana still sucks at basketball and why he can't fix it? WINK 2 (''pop'' was a HUGE I.U. fan. I bought him his first tickets to see them in bloomington, at assembly hall with bobby knight). PEACE & LOVE, kind soul.