BIO
...
I have fluctuated between writing things about my state of mind and writing about my life as we know it. Most of the time I'd just delete everything and leave it all blank. I've decided to just ramble on from time to time and let the crap stay. Kind of a log file, just as hard to understand, and just as worthless to most...
May 08 2009: Posted an issue I feel strongly about. Alienate a lot of people. Need to talk to someone. Tried talking to friends but we are all dealing with the same s#it - the loss of a friend. Tried here on Renderosity. Nobody will talk.
May 14 2009: Took some time off to let go of some anger. Hope to post again. I really want to delete everything. Been a member since 2003 so I know how it works. I am just getting so tired of everything.
May 18 2009: It's so desperately sad that my life has come to this. I had hoped there'd be something better for me. I used to think I had something to say. But my private ideologies gave me away. I tried to keep my mouth shut but it's always the same over and over and over again.Today I got it wrong again but it's not surprise. Once more heaven has forgotten me. So everybody clap your hands together and close your eyes, as I watch my world collapse. Don't waste your sympathy on me because I made this mess. My mistakes happen with so much success but I drag you all down into my sorry mess. I said I was sorry but it's always the same over and over and over again. I have been doomed from the first time I tried to find something to say I kept hidden inside. It would be much better if I just smiled and lied. ...
June 5, 2009: Things are not good. I know I should blog. No body reads this. Most web users skim at best. So I am safe in leaving behind scraps of mental illness in my wake. Things are NOT good..
July 10, 2009: It's all turned the s#it - i'ts ALL s#it.
November 25, 2015: I am amazed that I still breath. Whenever I begin to feel as if I have no Hope, I hear a whisper in my ear that reminds me I AM STRONG.
...at least for one more day.
Comments (10)
Vremont
wonderfully executed!
Synapse
I feel for you Yoshi. There's a saying, "those who can, do... those who can't, teach" and while this is by no means the case in general, it certainly seems to have a ring of truth with your teachers. When it occurs to you that you may actually know more a subject than those who educate you then it's a poor state of affairs. It's hard to say what art is but I will assert that it's a subjective thing and those who disappear up their backsides trying to define what it is and isn't just miss the point. To call it objective is to deny the myriad of mindsets to be found within the human race, for no one can see through the eyes of another. Some people seem to use teaching as an excuse to ram their opinions down the throats of others and humiliate them if they dare to differ. Just "don't let the bastards grind you down"
bevchiron
I think Jim really did say it all already, can't add much to that! I know the feeling well Yo, you express it very well here, hang on in there & trust your own vision.
cbender
a difficult subject you're "speaking" about here, Yo... it can be seen in different ways... i know this impression you have sitting there... but i also know the impression of one of those classmatest you're talking about. have been in both situations... several times - and the reasons of my behaviour were different each time... important is that you feel okay with what you do... no matter whether it's rebellion or ignorance or disinterest or obedience... keep going your way... thanks for this "make me think"
t3
expect more. there is always more to come. even, if it's only more worse. but it shouldn't and wouldn't keep you from thinking. this is your power. so don't ask for leaders. great work!
gunsan
All has already been said above. All I can add is that I feel deeply for you!!
Splinter429
another wicked piece man excellent work!
Digimon
Speaking as a corporate whore ;) I totally understand this one, felt exactly the same in school. I think all told, I had maybe 3 teachers that really inspired me. That's really sad because teaching our children should be the most important thing we do...another child left behind.......
A_
yes, i can relate to that too.
ACS-001
Another winner. I can't say for sure if I completely relate, not knowing the full extent of your situation, but I do sympathize. The teachers at my school did things to me best described as psyhchological torture -- once they forced me into a chair and when I spoke they'd write down my words but never respond. Hope your experiences weren't as bad.