You expressed all very well babes, very well indeed. Many of us made that choice to live... to fight against the hurt, pain, etc. I am so glad you stayed. HUGZ

I'm glad you made it through too! You made the right decision my friend... huggies to you!

hugs. At the moment it's hard for me to write more than that. but I thank you in the name of the ones who love you for making that choice.

The choices we make through our every day lives can build upon the life we can lead. Inside us all is the power to move the world, inside us all is the power to stop it. Opening our minds to all the possibilities of our choices can bring turmoil onto us. We are a powerful people, but with in our power comes a fragile existence. It takes very little to stop a human life. But when one person dies before there time, a hole opens up and many more step into the despair that surrounds it. Im glad your choices took you away from that tree. You have an inspiring hand that guides your pen. Upon parchment you weave a magic I very much enjoy. Life to me is sacred; I know the road you nearly took and have know people who followed it to its end. There is always the question why, but so often the case never an answer. Happy Birthday my dear and many happy returns for the day. With your one disunion you have changed the world and brought a greater equilibrium to it revolution. And I for one am grateful, take care Ben ;0)

You made the right decision. Choosing death is selfish because it's not you you are hurting..you'll be gone, no more hurt and suffering for you but for those around you, those that love you, and above all it's the children that suffer. Your life is the greatest gift you can give your children. Remember that everyday there are thousands of people terminally ill and dying that want to live, but they can't. Life is a gift. Don't waste it.

Ginny, you my friend definatly made the right desicion, those wonderful childern need their Mom, and you are such a wonderful person, i am so glad you made the right choice...........Your friend ....John

First, a huge happy ''birthday'' to you. And many, many more to come. You may or may not be surprised to find all who have been in your shoes in one way or another at any given time in their lives. Most will never admit it publicly. Thank you for sharing this well written work. Maybe someone now in your past situation will see themselves and take comfort from your experiences and words. Peace to you, kind soul. T.P.

Thank you to all that have commented...this was very hard for me to write...it is very difficult to describe the emotions that drove me to even think of suicide...and, what is written here does not come even close to telling it. Yes...suicide is a VERY selfish way out...as Nothingness expressed here, it is one reason I am ashamed to have even thought to do it, to almost do it...leaves many hurt people behind altho you are now "free"...I could not leave that pain with my children, my Mom, my husband. I have not regretted choosing life no matter how difficult or overwhelming things get. And depression makes it hard at times...but have found ways to cope...one being playing with my children-the meaning of life...and yes, as Shadowmonkey said, being a child when we play, the child I didn't have a chance to be. My children love that...so do I. Another, is writing my heart out...to those that know me...I may not have posted for a while, but I AM still writing in my journals daily. And Tallpockets...yes, one reason I felt I HAD to post this, WAS, so that maybe someone that needed to read it WOULD, and listen....To ALL here, Thanks for your support....Ginny

I know exactly how hard it is for you to write this because even I have not written of suicide, even though the thought has haunted me many times. The one thing I know is that even when I have lost everything I still have life to hold on to. It doesn't matter if I have to live in the proverbial cardboard box, there is more of life to live. I am so glad you chose life, because then you wouldn't be here to share it with us. Everyday bits of me die, but the kernel will still be there running strong, and ready to rebuild.

Ginny, You are an extraordinary woman! I too, understand what it cost you to bare your soul. For many years, I thought daily of suicide. So many terrible things had happened to me, starting at the age of around 5 years old clear into adulthood. I didn't want to feel, didn't want to have to experience the pain, the loss, the aloneness that makes you feel you have a gaping hole in your soul! What kept me from committing suicide? Knowing that the family members and people I would leave behind would not understand why. Knowing that you can not, by example, show your child that it is okay to check out because life sucks. For many years, I felt that life was a trap, and that love was a trap too. Love to me, was how people controlled others. You can't get out of life alive, you just have to wait for 'fate', or when your number comes up, as the saying goes. I never understood the whole point of the pain and suffering, of having my innocence torn from me at such a young age. I didn't do anything to deserve what happened to me. I am 54 years old and I grapple daily with memories I wish I could forget. As it is great blocks of time in my life are missing. I don't remember my life in chronological order. I remember traumatic events that happened when I was certain ages. Many times I am so enraged. I feel I was cheated by life, that I didn't really have a chance. I know that is the child in me that never got to be a child, never got to grow beyond those childish 'its not fair' feelings. But you know what, it wasn't fair, and more to the point, it wasn't right either! I have extreme depression, panic attacks, PTSD, social anxiety disorder. I take medication that has helped me immensly. I have read so many self help books, have had counseling. I have learned acceptance. What I believe is that we are 'allowed' to suffer these things so that we can comfort, and give strength to others who have suffered as we have. Sharing the burden lightens the load. You are a courageous woman to share your innermost thoughts and feelings. I salute you Lady! Leanndra