I once thought I saw A perfect woman And found instead Eternal pain Wrought with blood Dead to my world She killed my soul And brought eternal rain

the end is always a begiining
and there is no shadows without light
awesome poem ;0]
be brave!
tania

There is no such thing as a perfect woman any more than there is no such thing as a perfect man. You have to learn to take the bad with the good and accept people for who they are. You can't kill a soul. That would say that because of a woman all uniqueness of self was lost. If you were in pain and scribbed this poem that very action proves the idea wrong. Turn the page.

Jon you're absolutely right...I have to start previewing these posts...Ouch!

This is just a philosophical question, but wouldn't perfection be slightly on the boring side...just as if everyone was beautiful, what would be the point? Japanese artists add an imperfection purposefully. I think it is the rough edges we have, the little lapses, the tiny errors, the wrinkles, the creases, the signs that we have lived that make us interesting. Why would we want perfection when there is such a fascinating mystery and wonderful bewilderment to the imperfect? Just wondering. Has nothing to do with the poem which seems to speak of a very fragile soul indeed.

Ummmm....I would like to point out becuase you all failed to notice it seems, that the majority of my writing is symbolic and this piece follows that trend. It's actually a representation of my choice in religions. I thought I had found the perfect choice for me only to see later that when I needed help it essentially spurned me. I am quite content with my present relationship.

I don't mistake the narrator of the poem for the author of the poem. My comment was about the narrator and not you. I understand perfectly that the poem is symbolic. But symbolism is open to interpretation and any author must be prepared to have every member of the audience have a different interpretation than the original intent....that is when writing takes on its own life. I find that an interesting and good evolution of my writing. Not everyone does.

I make stronger critiques on shorter poems because each word carries more weight, as such the author has to take greater care.

I'm rather literal and took this to be a statement on a relationship, but enjoyed it a lot. You pack a lot into 8 lines. In my interpretation, the man is bedazzeled by a woman who cares nothing for him or his interests, whose disinterest turns his world to ash. Everything he held as important she belittled until he lost all the joys he once held.

(No, I'm not literal enough to assume that you were talking about your current relationship, or even a past one.) ;-)

Wrought with blood
Dead to my world

Those lines really brought me into the poem, making me read it a few times to savor how much was said in so few words.

Great job!

You can kill a soul. Been done for thousands of years, and much is made of doing such within folklore. That the art is lost to us now shows, perhaps, little more than our own inability to percieve it properly. I mean, really -- my soul was slain ages and ages ago. Why else would I have lost all reason? Best of the bunch, dear -- excellent choice in words, rhthym is wonderfully deceptive, and the physical beauty of the words themselves is just so...

I appreciate all of your comments and critisismes. (Sorry, I cant spell) I've been contemplating posting some of my longer works, but I'm worried that no one will bother to read them all the way through. So...if you think I should let me know, else short will be the trend. Thank you.

If you want to post longer stuff - go for it. We've had short stories posted here and they've been critiqued as well. Personally, I tend to stay away from some of the really short poems because there's not enough for me to be able to talk about. I leave those to our master poets. Cheers!

Ok, I'm late, but if you saw my post (Advertise...),you know why. To the point though, IF this were taken literally, which is the way MANY would take it, MANY would realize that at some point in their life they had felt like this. Even though, after a while they may realize their soul is not dead(although; once again there are many who never come to realize that part, which brings on a great number of suicides), it may have FELT like it at the time. And when you get down to the nittygritty, doesnt a large amount of the poetry, stories, music, etc... in the world come into being because of something the author once felt? If not, then the people posting in this forum are doing an outstanding job of faking it.

I forgot to mention, literal or not, I liked it.

Thank you for the compliment...it is based as I said before on something that is actually happening to me rihgt now, but it has nothing to do with a woman or any other human for that matter