It's time changing that keeps life real. Wondering about the end time and how I will feel. Peace, Happiness, Love and Trust without them all we shall fade to dust. Cuddling and coddling out of secret fears. Feeling as if I've lived a day in a year. Sitting, watching, thinking in a daze. I'll light a candle to burn in the haze. Alone in my thoughts embracing my fears. I feel the end drawing near. I'll hold my breath and Hope for the best. May there be peace for the peaceful. Now I will rest. Jeffrey B Torres Copyright 2003 Jeffrey Torres boodahspot@ziplip.com

Welcome to the forum, Jeff. So, What's new? This, as a poet, is your main enemy. Show me your poetry!

Attached Link: http://www.renderosity.com/gallery.ez?ByArtist=Yes&Artist=boodah30

As the Sun begins to set. Mist starts to rise. The birds fall to sleep. As the bats take to flight. With the Moon to its fullest the gates open wide. Nostrils flared the Beast does arrive. With Earth shaking silence he pierces the night. Engulfing all sounds, shadows, and light. He calls unto those with souls of steel. Calling to all running with the beasts of the field. With your fires and spirits burning on through the night. Live powerfully but peacefully. This and every life.

Much more interesting than the first one. I'm not quite sure about the arrangement of the words in the stanza. You have several thoughts there, but the way its arranged it tends to read like one sentence. The flow was very good,but I don't think you want the words to mush-up each other.

I appreciate your critique. I never had any formal writing courses. Which could be why I disagree with your assessment. It's meant to be read in a dark "ritual" type of tone. Just happy you noticed me.

Welcome! Hope you can participate in the poetry challenges that tjames has. The more the merrier. Though tjames may not feel that way when he's judging them at 4:00 am! I like the first poem best but was unsure about the line "Cuddling and coddling out of secret fears." I have a little trouble with the cadance of the second one. I think you need a little adjustment with some punctuation to make it flow. This after reading it aloud in a dark ritual type of voice, or at least how I imagine such a voice. For example: The birds fall to sleep, As the bats take to flight. With the Moon to its fullest, the gates open wide. Just my take on it. I'm no expert. Keep on posting. jon

Thanks.I hope to.

Welcome to the forum! We have writing challenges and poetry challenges (hosted by tjames) that you are more than welcome to join. The current writing challenge is up, and I suspect we'll have a new poetry one soon as well. (If tjames doesn't put one up soon, I will, and with my lack of poetry knowledge, that's more of a threat than a promise.) ;-) Your second poem definitely flows better to me. I agree with jstro that a bit of formatting might catch the reader's eye and add to the grace of the words. I hope we can see more of your stuff! Cres

I was over working on mky website (which finally has a reference to the forum here)and my ears started burning. You guys looking for a new poetry challenge, eh stay tuned 17:30 tonight I'll have one for ya. One thing about my site though...because I'm conseving space for more important things I won't be collecting any data on people just a name no links. I believe an author should be recognized even if it is just in a workshop.

Speaking of sites and HTML - here's a design hint - dark blue on a black background is evil. :-(

I agree... lighter blue on the writing challenge thread.

As the Sun begins to set relinquishing control of night. The birds fall to sleep, as the bats take to flight. When the Moon reaches climax the gates open wide. Nostrils flared, the Beast does arrive. With Earth shaking silence he pierces the night. Devouring all sounds, shadows, and light. He calls unto those whose souls are of steel. Calling to all running with the beasts in the field. With your fires and spirits burning on through the night. Live powerfully but peacefully.This and every life. Jeffrey B Torres Copyright 2003 Jeffrey Torres

I think it reads better. jon

I agree, this is much smoother. Since you have other poems to share, you might want to post them in new threads. This way, it's clear which poem the comments refer to. Cheers!