So I thought I'd share something I wrote last year after visiting the desert southwest. I would love it if you all could tear it apart:) Desert Rain They say the desert misses the rain. The barren land, vast and still, No stranger to danger and death, Spreads beneath a burning sun; Miles of rock and tenacious plant life. Cacti grow despite the drought Standing for a century or more Oblivious to dry and heat. Yet, they say the desert misses the rain. Cloudless skies of deepest blue Cradle the merciless orb Scorching the earth below. Shade holds no comfort For those seeking relief. Remains of saguaros dot the rugged slopes, Mysterious skeletons of another age. Still, they say the desert misses the rain. For when the skies cloud over Bringing moisture to the sand, The drab stone world springs to life. Dried twigs of ocotillo burst into bloom, Green invades the brown and red And softer beauty spreads o'er the land. But the blinding sun returns, Once again to suck the landscape dry. Yes, they say the desert misses the rain. February 2002

What is a saguaros? I'm guessing ocotillo is a plant. Shanna :-)

Ocotillo and saguaros are cacti. Saguaros live to be 175-200 years old.

Sorry, but I can't tear it apart. The only line I don't personally think seems ok is oblivious to dry and heat seems a clumsy way to put it, although I can't think of anything to replace it off the top of my head I'm not too keen on using o'er instead of over either, as I always expect to see it in more romantic 'older' styles of poetry, but that is purely a personal taste issue. I'm sure someone will come along and help you with your demo derby soon though wb Shanna :-)

Cal- I think it nicely catches the feel of the desert, especially the brief bloom after the long-awaited rain. I agree with Shanna about the "Oblivious to dry and heat". First, I don't like the parallelism of dry-heat, since one is an adjective and one a noun. I would change dry to drought, except that you've used that two lines up. Perhaps changing heat to hot? Of course, your poetic license clearly entitles you to use dry as a noun if you want. Second, I don't agree with the sense of cacti being oblivious to the dry and hot. I would be more comfortable with them being at peace with it, or relishing it, or even withstanding or resisting it, but not being oblivious. My last comment for now would be that I don't feel any rhythm as I read it, which would make it stronger IMHO.

Thanks for the comments. I will take this back to the drawing board and see what I come up with :)

Glad to be of service. BTW, I disagree with Shanna about "o'er." I feel perfectly comfortable using it if it fits the rhythm or rhyme or just sounds right, as I think it does in this case. Maybe I'm old fashioned.