Rain falls, the tears from the sky My vision is blurred, by rain from the sky, It guides me away, to the wilderness, I need no shelter, only my thoughts, And the place in my mind where I go to get away. The rain falls, the sky cries for me. I cant see anything I can only hear the echo of your voice. It leads me along, across the street, Through danger and peril. Time and direction mean nothing to me. You mean everything to me. Queen of the sky dont cry for me. Let the angels cry for me, and let them bow to you. Where is your voice leading me now? Im cold and wet; there is no return Time and direction mean nothing to me, You mean everything to me. Desire is in me, masked by the sorrow. The raindrops that fall, fall just for me. You echo in my head as you lead me to this place, Where do you take me? To a door, some random door. Rain falls my vision is blurred. You lead me along in the darkness And you create the light Im shrouded by darkness, I find the light, And stare into your eyes. The eyes that make me so blind, So blind that I did not see it, So blind that when it happened, The shock took control. The rain cries for me, because I can not cry. The sun rises for me every day, Only to again, disappear behind the clouds. To hide from me yet again. So blind, So lost, Your voice is gone. For so long, I needed it, but now it is gone. Nothing keeps me from danger, Nothing cries for me. Cut me loose, and let me fall. It rains outside, so I dont have to cry, Every raindrop, ever puddle, created in my mind. And you lead me through it, any time, every time. Yesterday it rained, and I felt much better, I am free finally, and the rain is much better. Now I cry from my eyes, as I stare at the sky, Thinking of times, past, and time future, When I might need the sky again. Um...here ya go lol, feedback always wanted :-) I think my next one will be about the nightime sky... Alex

I particularly found this passage strong and moving: "To a door, some random door. Rain falls my vision is blurred. You lead me along in the darkness And you create the light Im shrouded by darkness, I find the light, And stare into your eyes. The eyes that make me so blind, So blind that I did not see it, So blind that when it happened, The shock took control. The rain cries for me, because I can not cry. The sun rises for me every day, Only to again, disappear behind the clouds. To hide from me yet again." Some of the rest seemed a bit disjointed to me, like it was leading somewhere but never quite made it. Keep writing hon.. you have promise!

Hi Alex, I like your work, something in it strikes me as musical, in a tribal way, as if there were myths behind the song behind the words. I'm reading this as a reader, not judging this as a writer. Shanna :-)

Disclaimer - I am a fiction writer, not a poet. All critiques should be taken with no less than 3 grains of salt.

I do like this poem more than the last. You do a good job use original lines, such as:

Queen of the sky don't cry for me.
Let the angels cry for me, and let them bow to you.

The flow is definitely coming along, though you still have a tendency of wrapping up everything on each line. I know that poetry is less restricted to grammar than prose, but there's a serious issue (to me) with verb tenses. You put the poem in present tense to bring immediacy to the reader, but you occasionally slip up and put something in the past tense. I took part of a stanza and made a few changes to try to help with the rhythm and the verbs.

The eyes that make me so blind,
So blind that I did not see it,
So blind that when it happened,
The shock took control.
The rain cries for me, because I can not cry.
The sun rises for me every day,
Only to again, disappear behind the clouds.
To hide from me yet again.

The eyes that make me so blind,
So blind I can not see,
So blind when it happens,
And shock takes control.
The rain cries for me, because I can not cry.
The sun rises for me every day,
Only to again, disappear behind the clouds,
Hiding from me yet again.

I'd also create a fourth stanza, starting with the line: Yesterday it rained, and I felt much better, This would effectively give you a "time has passed" notice to the reader, so it would be okay to change the tone and put things into the past tense. (It's hard to talk about yesterday in the present tense.)

Cheers!