Attached Link: http://www.renderosity.com/messages.ez?ForumID=12436&Form.ShowMessage=1126491

Feel free to add comments on how/why you voted, your opinions on the pieces, critiques, etc.

I find the voting the tough part after the delights of reading everyone's entries. I'll send my vote by IM as usual. Good job, everyone!

I agree Dialyn, here's the hardest part... Just like in the past month, I'm very undecided... I reread at least ten times the 'rules' hoping that they can help me in making a choice... The piece I like most (a mere matter of taste, you know) is Shoshanna third piece... where I have the problem is with the word 'conflict' that appears in the rules... I like very much also how the dialogue flows in Dialyn piece, you can understand everything just from the words said (and unsaid)... On the other side I like also jstro's, it's a very vivid scene... What can I do? I cannot even help myself dropping a coin (only two faces);)... All right, since this vote is not a vital question, I'll follow my taste: SHOSHANNA LAST ENTRY gets my vote! (There are plenty of conflicts after all, even if they are kept inside the characters)

In order of reading them: Jstro, as I said before, I wish I had written that, the only thing I disliked about it was the strong similarity between your piece and Crescents sample, as they are posted side by side I couldn't help but notice :-) tjames, I wasn't comfortable reading this, perhaps because you chose to write it in a more stilted style to match the emotions behind your "characters" recounting. jgeorge, I loved the idea behind your story, your disobedient character made me smile. Dialyn, another belter of a piece, the only thing I didn't like was the last line, it seemed tagged on to the end of your story. Awayne, I liked your idea of using road signs as a basis for characters. So, I'm struggling, I really liked three in particular, jstro, jgeorge & Dialyn. For story it's jgeorge For polished piece it's jstro For confrontation it's Dialyn You're all winners as far as I'm concerned, but this month I'm voting for.. jgeorge, whose story overcame her difficulty writing in a second language and was full of an original confrontation that I identified with as a writer. well done.

Hello all, as you noticed - I'm new here, so please be gentle. :) English isn't my first language, so I don't know how much "active" I will be in this forum, but I sure will enjoy reading it! :) I really enjoyed reading all of your posts, all were very good. I think most of you hit the target regarding the "conflict" subject. So here goes. jstro - I liked your piece very much, it was really vibrant and I could easily picture it. tjames - this was an interesting idea! jgeorge - I loved the idea and you wrote it in a brilliant way. dialyn - I thought yours was really wonderful, so well written and a lovely (wrong word?..) idea. And I liked the last line. :) Shoshanna - I loved your third piece, it was like a beautiful classic painting, a wonderful display of emotions. awayne2 - the "punch line" was absolutely funny and quite unexpected. :) So... hard call, but I think my vote goes for... dialyn! :)

Thanks to all for a rewarding and imaginative series of entries! Though not possessing critic credentials (and not having entered the contest), I will say what I felt as a reader about the entries that were most, hmmmmm, interesting to me. And remember, my comments are as those of a layman. jstro: (read ahead to my comments on dialyn as you are just as good in this respect). Most believable story. You captured the essence of childhood crushes. And the ensuing brushes with your peers. Great job. Your dialogue flows very very well with just the right about of description. TJ: A lot packed into a small package. As was said, a bit chilling and thought-provoking. I think it could have used a bit more polish. With your talent at precise words in poetry, I know you could have read over it a bit and tweaked it a bit here and there. Yet, an intersting story. I missed the "confrontation", but that may just be me. Sho (sorry I keep calling you Sho): I'm easily lost, sometimes, in the beginning of stories. A small type lost me at the beginning and I had to struggle to re-group. "So you see why I called you Janet." he finished apologetically..." I read that and thought immediately that a guy had made the dreaded mistake of calling his girlfriend by another name. If you had put a comma here..."So you see why I called you (comma) Janet." he finished apologetically", then I would have known that Janet was a "noun of address". After stumbling (so to speak), I recovered and figured out what was going on. I would say that it brought up the most emotion in me of all the stories. I felt a certain empathy with her. Kind of sorry for her. Good job. jgeorge: I think most imaginative. I always make allowances for your words 'cause I know you are working in a different language. So, I didn't let that detract from your story. A clever confrontation! At first, I thought it was her arguing with herself then to find out it was with the writer...so to speak. A nice piece of work. dialyn: (reading here yet, jstro?) dialyn, to me, you are the master of dialogue. From the first story I read of yours involving a diner, I have been able to follow exactly what your characters are doing and saying. Your story kept me guessing where it was "going". Just when I thought I had you figured out, you ambushed me! I just KNEW the keys were to a new car for her...but then you whacked me (and I assume, the poor girl). I should have guessed you'd lead me down the wrong path and then surprise me. awayne2: I must confess, some spacing would have helped your story some. Also, my fault, for some reason I kept thinking about an old song, whose title I can't remember at the moment, about lovers swimming toward each other in raging waters and drowning in each other's arms. So, my apologies for my personal history interferring with your story.

Running bear (running bear) loved little white girl, with a love..... I think that's the song, now it's running through my head too. :-) Chuck, I thought everyone had the right to vote, whether they entered the challenge or not. To those who have posted here so far, and anyone who will post later, thank you for commenting. Feedback is always appreciated. I can't speak for anyone else obviously, but sometimes, when there are next to no responses to a post, I start to wonder if anyone even read it, so thank you. Shanna :-)

...that I should open myself to criticism, so... ------------------------------------------------------ "Gun Metal Cool" Though the morning was filled with the usual mixture of nature and town noise, Sam heard nothing. Lost in his own world of the approaching minutes, he replayed and rechecked his plans. Nervousness, pain, and anger saturated his mind. His gaze drifted from his lap to the door of a disheveled motel and back to his lap. He made a slight adjustment in his posture, sunk lower in his car seat, and looked through the car window to the dingy hotel again then nervously back to his lap. A sudden noise of a door slamming shut stirred him back from his daze. There she was! Though the feeling he was about to do something irreversibly wrong crisscrossed his mind, pain and anger dominated. It was showtime! And the show WOULD go on. Youve hurt me for the last time! The determined words streamed from his lips as practiced. Laura wheeled around in surprise. Confusion was replaced by fear as she focused on the voice she knew so well. When Sam had her attention, he swung his arm around and up so the gun was positioned between the two of them. Both focused on it. Sam Shut tha fuck UP! His trembling hand betrayed his determination. A thin coating of sweat separated his finger from the trigger. A vague line of right and wrong danced through his mind. But pain and anger forced its way to the stage that had been set. Sam Her voice pleading. His eyes drifted to her waistline and he noticed a slight bulge. Red flashes of anger obliterated any thoughts of right and the girl he had loved so much. Laura caught his focused eyes and instinctively wrapped her hands over her and Sams child. As she released her last attempt to tell Sam she had made a mistake and wanted them to try again, Sam found the release from his pain and anger with one small movement that displaced a deafening bullet. And then, when Laura fell, another sound erupted that quieted the singing birds, brought morning traffic to a halt, and ended Sams pain. Few people think about how bullets heat up a gun barrel. And fewer still think about how the barrel and the bodies cool down together afterwards. --------------------------------------------------- This confrontation, in other forms and variations, appear every day at the bottom of page 7 in various local newspapers. It's a damned shame!

I try to practice voting in public when it is offered. In this case, I must vote for jstro. The story captured something I think everyone of us has felt. And captured it well. Thank you for a "return to childhood innocence", jstro!

You always write a tough, honest story, Chuck. I've missed your stories.

You should have entered the challenge Chuck. Shanna :-) Who liked Chucks story, and agrees it's a shame. Now off to write a story about a guy trying to explain why he called his girlfriend by the wrong name :-)

(smile) Well, dialyn, I decided not to enter. Tough enough to continue art endeavors with my limited time and ability let alone continue to "strike out" with my writing attemtps. But I was torn between giving a small "appraisal" to other efforts while not having layed my penis on the table (so to speak). You and I discussed my title. (smile) Felt I owed you "the rest of the story" (as Paul might say). And, BTW, what do you think about my "alternate" ending for your story?

LOL @ Sho (no, REALLY!) You crack me up sometimes!

Ah, Chuck, we're so different in our viewpoints. You don't enter because you might not win; I enter because I know I won't. LOL! But if you had entered, you would have made a tough choice even tougher. At any rate, I'm glad you shared your story. I like that you make a story your own....I'll buy that you might not have time to write, but I won't buy that you don't have the ability. You do and have demonstrated that talent repeatedly here to my pleasure, and I am sure that of others. :)

Chuck, I like your writing, honestly. I agree with Dialyn (post 15)and I really would like to see more of your work in the forum. Shanna :-)

Reading back on your post Dialyn, I think you're wrong. I think you stand a very good chance of winning. Shanna :-)

I wasn't being overly modest...I think there are stronger submissions this time than mine. That's all.

Man, I hate voting. OK, I just reread them all to get a better feel for them before voting. I am torn between jgeorge's entry, Shoshanna's third piece, and dialyn's story. Both jgorge and Shoshanna took an unusual approach to the topic, which I found intriguing. Indeed, at first I did not see Shoshanna's entry as a conflict, but upon further reflection realized it is, in more of an abstract sense of the word. (By the way, you succeeded in your experiment, the lack of names worked out just fine.) I also really enjoyed jgeorge's twist on the concept. At first I thought it was simply the conflicted feelings running through Susann'a mind. Not until This is my story... did I realize it was the struggle between writer and story, someplace I've often been. Kudos for a brilliant interpretation of the challenge! I think dialyn did a wonderful job of dialog. It was well written and left the reader with all kinds of interpretations as to just what Adam was up to. For example, I was left wondering if the person he was seeing was a man or a woman. Adam was a lousy liar, but I think most people are when then get caught at it. Good job. I can only vote for one, so this time around I'll vote for dialyn. I did not see much of a conflict in tjames's piece. It was well done, but I missed the conflict. It did have a nice Twilight Zone sort of feel to it. I was not sure where Shoshanna was going with #1. It was pretty funny. :-) You got me with the English English vs. American English (leant). Nothing wrong with it, it just jumped out at me and made me look it up. And the phrase, ...to fold herself down at her mother's feet... was just very vivid. I could visualize what she did, how she moved. Great way to describe that particular movement. I think to improve readability you need to use an extra carriage return to separate your paragraphs. White space can be important. Again, I think white space would help a lot on Shoshanna's second piece. It was a bit hard to read without it. It was a light hearted piece, sort of a spoof, so some of the inconsistencies can be ignored. I got a feeling of watching an old black and white serial from the 1930's with scratchy music in the background, like the Bowery Boys, or The Little Rascals. I think awayne2's piece also suffered from lack of white space. It was a long piece and the way the paragraphs all seem to run together made it hard to read. I just about gagged on the names used, until I realized it was a pun! :-) Well done. This is about the most convoluted pun I've ever seen. However, it needs polishing. There are a lot of typos and sentence fragments that need to be fixed. Good first entry, hope you keep them coming. jon