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"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." ---Anton Chekhov


Subject: deep breath, here i go...


nickpin123 ( ) posted Thu, 19 June 2003 at 4:39 PM ยท edited Wed, 27 November 2024 at 1:52 PM

Being a fan of 3d art I was pleased when I came across Renderosity a couple of years back. About 6 months ago I then took to looking round and found the writers forum, which I'm rather please about. This is the first time I've posted something here or elsewhere, and, as with a lot of amatuers, I can be rather shy at letting people see my writing. But tonight I thought what the hell; so here you go... hope you all like... and yes it is a bit gushy, but what can I say?! Guess I'm just a big softy ;)

Whisper to me

Whisper to me in the darkness.
Touch my soul with your secrets,
While I lie here in peace.
Let your lips kiss my face,
Brush against my ear as you tell me all.
Softly spoken words that come to you in the still silence
Caress my mind and soothe my body.
You talk from the heart in the quiet of night,
Knowing Im listening,
Knowing Im awake as I squeeze you gently to me,
Knowing I wont answer with words but with love and understanding,
With warmth and a silent lovers tender touch.
Let your words flow over me,
Let me feel you relax next to me,
Your soft murmurs nothing but truth and honesty.
Let me listen to your spirit;
Sing to me.
Whisper to me.


dialyn ( ) posted Thu, 19 June 2003 at 4:50 PM

That sounds like the words of a song. :) Would be nice to feel that way about someone. I'm not a poet so I can't comment on anything but the content...and it is very appealing. No need to worry. We only nibble on new posters on Mondays. ;) Thank you for posting. Feel free to share your own stuff and comment on others. We have two poetry and one prose challenge running this month. You're welcome to join in.


Azha ( ) posted Thu, 19 June 2003 at 5:54 PM

Welcome nick, glad you decided to join us. Your poem is really beautiful. I can't find any technical points that I would pick on myself. I don't give to picking apart sentiment with intellect, I find your line breaks make for a very soft easy read which I think is befitting of the poem itself. Again welcome, and I look forward to reading more of you. Hope your recent discovery of R'osity is as good as my own has been.

"Every line means something."
Jean Michel Basquiat


Charmz ( ) posted Thu, 19 June 2003 at 6:58 PM

Just simply beautiful. One cool thing about poetry, unless you are entering a contest in which things have to be techinically perfect, it is so much a personal expression that no one can find too much to complain about. A window other than the eyes into the soul of a person. Glad you came and joined us!


Shoshanna ( ) posted Thu, 19 June 2003 at 8:25 PM

Welcome nickpin123, If you are feeling shy about your work (which is beautiful, so don't feel shy), why don't you try tjames write really bad poetry challenge for this month? Shanna :-)



Crescent ( ) posted Sun, 22 June 2003 at 1:14 PM

Don't worry, expressing tender emotions isn't gushy. Gushy is "Oh, snuggie-bunny, I wuv you, wuv you, wuv you!" ;-) The poem has a nice flow to it. You go with a realistic tone, with actions rather than analogies. (Probably to cut down the gushiness, I suspect.) ;-) My one nitpick is I really want to add one word to a line: Let your lips kiss my face, And brush against my ear as you tell me all. It's probably just me, but I kept hitting that line with a sudden stop. I'm glad you shared this with us. Cheers!


meico ( ) posted Thu, 26 June 2003 at 2:56 PM

Tenderness in poetry is [sadly] all too rare these days. Very nice to see someone use it so effectively.


nickpin123 ( ) posted Thu, 26 June 2003 at 5:53 PM

Thanks for all the replies guys. I was surprised at the reponse and should think I'll be posting a couple more in the future thanks to them... I think the challenge thing may possibly grow on me, but for now I think a couple of posts under my belt will help me get back on track writing more, as I have been finding it hard the last couple of months, but I can feel it getting better so who knows....


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