Forum Moderators: wheatpenny, Wolfenshire
Writers F.A.Q (Last Updated: 2024 Nov 06 3:50 am)
Absolutely gripping - a few lines need a bit of correction/clarification (i.e. proof-reading before final output) - The poses are wonderful (but I resent that she has no midrif bulge in frame 2, lol!) I really what to know what happens next (same as in the other story I read at your site)... You have a great sense for pacing your tales. What more can I say, I truly like your adventures!
Very well done. There's some run-on sentences which get a bit confusing, but there's a good balance of action and description to keep the reader going. Sample run-on: *Eicha wasnt actually reading it, a collection of interface cable hung from her head and snaked their way to an interface box in the ceiling, a connection cable dropped into the back of the computer system, the text was being transmitted directly into her brain, no reading, just instant translation from digital information to biological storage, virtually realtime comprehension.* Here's my suggestion on the first one: Eicha wasn
t actually reading it. A collection of interface cables hung from her head and snaked their way to an interface box in the ceiling while a connection cable dropped into the back of the computer system. The text was being transmitted directly into her brain: no reading, just instant translation from digital information to biological storage, virtually realtime comprehension. On the pictoral side, good job with lighting, though I'm not fond of the motion blur on picture one. Cheers!
As I wrote elsewhere - I'm very excited by your illustrated adventure! When you are rich and famous, you'll have a proof-reader to spruce it up (-: Excellent stuff. (And a nice cheer for Crescent for using the forum to proofread for you... what a splendid gesture... I'm enjoying this alternative environment more each time I visit!)
PS - sorry, one suggestion from me... Before you send the cover to the printer, I'd take it into a paint program and improve the look of her left elbow. The rest is photorealistic - only that joint gives it away. (Common problem with Poser - I always have to go into a paint program and fix elbows and kneecaps)
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Well I figured I'd post some of my latest pictures which have a running story alongside it. I'm making this one up as I go, 3 installments so far, any critiscms or comments welcome.