Attached Link: http://www.geocities.com/mosespoetry/

I'm new to this website, and I'd love for you guys to check out my work. I'm a poet, but I've got too much work to post here (44 poems). But I have a website that has all of my work on it.

Thanks,
Moses

Message edited on: 06/07/2004 03:33

Hmm, very emotional stuff. I see a lot of repetition in the themes, but very good writing.

I would make one suggestion break it up into shorter stanzas. If you want to build on a theme then occcasionally changing you cadence, putting a pause in, repeating, things like that add more tension. The stuff is emotional but take care not to lose your reader.

While I like the theme of your poetry, and believe it a story that needs to be told, the constant rhyme drags me down and makes me want it to be over. I am not a professional just a reader and sometimes writer. Maybe try to insert some lines between the rhymes.

It's not so much the rhyme but perhaps the pacing is too constant and unchanging kind of like that 10th grade English teacher. Snnnnnzzzz.