Bipolar disorder is a Gift I'm not clinicially depressed, and I'm not on medication. It does run in my family, and I have been down some really dark roads in my life, which stemmed from certain situations I have created. Now, the reason I consider myself bipolar is because i did some research and i have a lot of the symptoms, i have some OCD and i definitely have ADD. (but don't we all really anymore with the overload of information and constant stimulation) I may not be diagnosed by a doctor, but my family's past is proof enough for me. (i'm explaining all this, by the way, to give some validity to what this topic is about, not to get anyone to feel sorry or all that). My great-grandmother underwent shock treatments, my father used to lock himself in his room on the weekends to be alone in his twenties, my older brother needs to be alone, my mom is on medication and my sister is with anxiety meds and in my teens and still today i prefer to be alone myself. And my family is not close we are very dysfunctional. Alright, so with that being said (and if anyone else wants to go into their life that would be cool get an idea of where we're all coming from) I think being bipolar is a gift. When everything is going great for me, i'm not depressed and i'm extremely happy and passionate about life and totally enjoying myself, doing my macro photography, making music, no worries pretty much, life is great. But even then, while i'm not in the dark depths of depression, i still am angry. Not hateful, just angry passionate - constantly seeing the things in this life that i can't stand (politicis, money, blah blah blah). So the happiness is like an escape, as if it's not really me being happy. But when i'm depressed, which luckily hasn't been too much recently, i am angry, i am just totally in a place dark and all i want to do is end it all, and all of that. I find it much easier to tap into those dark places, the tragic stuff, the angry stuff, than i find it easier to be happy and write happy. So I think my mental curse is a gift. Now, maybe there's no such thing as bipolar and we are who we are, but whatever the case may be, i know i have issues and i accept that, i dont want to medicate myself because i enjoy using them to express myself and stop keeping things all inside. I hope this makes sense. Would be interested to hear the views and varied thoughts from others!

You sound like you have a certain amount of control on your gift to look at it that way and I applaud you. I lived with a bipolar person for over 10 years and I have a secondhand insight from the other side: of not finding an outlet for your emotions. It was extremely frustrating for him not to be able to climb out of the depression when he really needed to see some sort of light in his life. He knew it was there, could see everyone around him happy yet could not feel it himself. Yet when he was 'high' he was an amazing person who could do just about anything he set his mind to. He kept losing his jobs due to his attitude when in the lows. He has attempted suicide four times that I know of as a cry for help. He has been to a psychologist, been on medication and still did not have the willpower to overcome or adapt to bipolar. He turned to alcohol which is one of the worst things a person with bipolar can do. He was very happy when drinking with his buddies but just one word out of place would make him strip. It also made him violent at times which I unfortunately could not tolorate as my two children might have become the target, so we separated. He is remarried today to another lady who has become his drinking buddy and seems to be happy most of the time. I just hope that he has found the outlet he needed to be able to adapt to his bipolar tendencies. I could not imagine living in such an angry dark place all the time so I have utmost respect for you, Paul, who has learnt that the anger does not rule your life, even though it colours it a certain way. Life deals you a hand and it is up to the player to use the cards to his/her benefit. Big hugs to you, Paul.

I enjoyed Reading Your Tale ...and, if One is afflicted with any irreversible Condition ..I recommend...You "Love Your Illness"...so good Luck to You and Your Gift.

Someone I know had this problem all his life. He finally went for help recently and was medicated. Well, he says it is wonderful to feel normal. He didn't know what normal was before. He no longer has the anger or violence and is happy and with much peace. His creativity has not diminished, in fact it increased because he can focus better. I guess it depends on the person, as to what path is to be taken. But I would add that if someone feels a desire to take their life, it may be important to find help before one no longer has the ability to make that judgement, that would definitely end the "Gift". Best Wishes