MONKEY BUSINESS

She had monkeys on her back. Not just two or three, but lots and lots of them. And they weren't cute little monkeys, but huge, angry, vicious ones. They clung to her tenaciously,screeching and biting and clawing her. They would reach around and grab her face and throat. They never left her alone.

At night they were the worst. They taunted her in the dark and kept her awake. She tried everything to get rid of those monkeys. She tried to lift them off with prayer and shake them off by talking to friends. Still they clung to her. No one really knew what she carried on her heart or how much it hurt.

She wanted to be strong. She believed in God and loved Him with all her heart. She knew that He could take those monkeys off her back. But He didn't. Still she trusted Him.

Everyone wanted to help. Some people knew about some of the monkeys and other people knew about others, but no one knew about all of them. Some friends cared a little bit but not really enough. Other friends cared a lot but were told not to. No one could help her.

Her heart hurt and her back hurt and her hair was falling out. She went to the doctor. He couldn't see the monkeys and so he couldn't help.

She grieved, alone and desperate, with no relief in sight. The urgency to be rid of the monkeys overwhelmed her. But even at her very lowest, she knew that she could not end it all by her own hand. A thought formed in her mind. There was always the possibility of an accident; not one that she would purposely cause, you understand, but she wanted to be prepared just in case. She went and bought a medical ID bracelet with special instructions. She put it on her wrist and waited patiently, confident that relief would someday come.

One day, after much time has passed, still fighting those monkeys, the sun did indeed come out. She had forgotten about the bracelet, still on her wrist.

Through her tears she saw him - a mighty slayer of awful beasts. He carried weapons, many and varied, and he began to slay those monkeys. Can I be dreaming, she thought? He loved God too, and cared deeply for her. And the monkeys began to fall away, one by one. And the more monkeys he struck from her back, the deeper in love with her he fell.

She was astounded. Her step quickened, her smile returned; life could be good again. He would love her and protect her and be by her side forever. He would fight with all his might to keep those monkeys from her.

Joy replaced her anguish and hope overcame the pain. Her heart burst with thanksgiving that God would allow to love and be loved again.

Hurrying one night, to the side of her precious mighty slayer, she never saw the truck. She never saw the explosion, and she never heard her own screams.

Silence - Darkness

The sirens pierced that silence and people were running everywhere. Pain exploded in her head and she knew nothing more.

"Hurry, Joe, start the lines - STAT - we're losing her........... No wait!"

A hand gently lifted her limp wrist.

"Stop everything! She's wearing a bracelet!"

It read, "DO NOT RESUSCITATE."

She had forgotten to take it off.

WOW! That's really heavy.

I agree.

Imaginative. I liked it. But your foreshadow of the bracelet being key - remaining on her wrist - is too strong, too blatant for me: it lit up like a warning billboard. Suggest removing that whole sentence. Then the bracelet's engraved message kicks the reader in the gut - hard. Excellent story with problem, struggle and resolution - a true story. Thank you.

• Dick

Message edited on: 10/30/2005 20:43

Dick, I do appreciate your comments. That "story" came to me word for word in the middle of the night several years ago. Thanks for reading, and writing back. S.

I agree. Hide your punch so that it hits with all the force of an h-bomb. Don't tell us she forgot about the bracelet, and you have a story that punches us right in the gut. Very good job. Dsynr

Wonderful written work. Love to see you build a gallery of your talents for the masses to view and read. T.P.

Hi there to you who have read and remarked on "Monkey Business", and everyone who didn't. It's great to hear what "real" writers think! You are a neat group of folks and so kind! I am a newborn here at Renderosity so I don't know all the rules of play as yet. Quite honestly, I can only write when I am incredibly stressed, so the "gift" is a qualified one, not one I can depend upon..... If I get inspired again, I'll know where to come. :) Thank you all for your encouraging words. Sharpi

Psssssssssst ............. Post the "other one!"

signed,
you-know-who
;=]