From me Da, of all people..;)

WIT AND WISDOM      MILITARY SOURCES
 
  "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher
  fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular
  in
  what's left of your unit."
   Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
 
   "Aim towards the Enemy."
    Instruction printed in US Rocket Launcher
 
 
      "After the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
      U.S. Marine Corps
 
      "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate.
      The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
      USAF Ammo Troop
 
      "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
      Infantry Journal
 
 
      "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly
      over the area you just bombed."
      U.S. Air Force Manual
 
 
      "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword
      obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
      General MacArthur
 
 
       "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
      Infantry Journal
 
 
      "You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me
      U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.
 
 
      "Tracers work both ways."
      U.S. Army Ordnance
 
 
      "Five second fuses only last three seconds."
      Infantry Journal
 
 
      "Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last,
      and don't ever volunteer to do anything."
      U.S. Navy Swabbie
 
 
      "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
           David Hackworth
 
 
      "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an
  ambush."
       Infantry Journal
 
 
      "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
      Joe Gay
 
 
      "Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."
 
 
      "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
      Unknown Marine Recruit
 
 
      "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
      Your Buddies
 
 
      "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
      USAF AmmoTroop
 
 
      "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No
      Evil.  For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
       At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
 
 
      "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
      Paul F.Crickmore (test pilot)
 
 
      "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
      Blue water Navy truism:
 
      "There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
      From an old carrier sailor
 
       "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage,
      it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
 
      "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always
      have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
 
       "Without ammunition, the USAF would
      be just another expensive flying club."
 
 
       "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers
      and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pi
lot dies;
      If ATC screws up, ..... The pilot dies."
 
 
      "Never trade luck for skill."
 
       The three most common expressions
      (or famous last words) in aviation are:
      "Why is it doing that?",
 
      "Where are we?"
 
      And "Oh S...!"
 
 
      "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
 
 
       "Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always
      needed to successfully complete the flight."
 
 
      "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation;
      we never left one up there!"
 
 
      "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a
      flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."
 
 
      "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing
      your plight to a person on the ground incapable of
      understanding or doing anything about it."
 
 
      "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world;
      it can just barely kill you."
      Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
 
 
       "A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably
      isn't flying his plane to its maximum."
      Jon McBride, astronaut
 
 
      "If you're faced with a forced landing, fly
      the thing as far into the crash as possible."
      Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
 
      "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
 
 
       "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in
  peacetime."
      Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
 
 
        "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about
  to."
 
 
      Basic Flying Rules:
 
      "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go
      near the edges of it. The edges of the air can
      be recognized by the appearance of ground,
      buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.
      It is much more difficult to fly there."
 
 
       "You know that your landing gear is up and locked
      when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
 
 
       As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft,
      having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing,
      the crash truck arrives,the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot
      and asks "What happened?".
       The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!! :lol:
That last one just killed me!
Many thanks - I just got through looking in the mirror and I needed cheering up.

That was very funny.....  Thanks

A lot of wisdom there! :)

"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly
      the thing as far into the crash as possible."
      Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

That name rings a bell, and if he's who I think he is he didn't think it up, he lived it.

One of the first flights of the Tomcat they had a hydraulic failure.  Got it back nearly to the runway when all control, other than the engines, went bye-bye.  Both pilots rode it until 2 seconds before the crash.  The pilot ejected right into the fireball, and no doubt soiled his underwear.  The hot air caught his chute and sent him about 300 feet into the air.

I'll stick to roller coasters ;)  Very funny stuff.  Thanks!

John

Quite a few of these made me laugh. Some military manuals are purposely written to either be understood by even the lowest possible education level, or fun... because some manuals can bore a person where they don't pay attention to what they are reading. For instance when the M-16 was first issued, the manual was very technical, so the military issued a comic book type manual with a female character that could put many Poser babes to shame. The idea was to engage the attention of the person reading the manual. :-)

"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil.  For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan

My favorite because I just love the SR-71!!

Sure made me laugh a lot

true...only we would make a land mine with the logo 'this side towards enemy"...;)
I saw the cartoon on one of those Military Channel shows. I had a Marine manual from the 60s, sort of a cross between 'the Anarchists' Cookbook' and 'Formation marching'..;)

LOL! Would you don't mind me sharing this with a lot of laughter starved civilian workmates my friend?

no worries, mate..;)

There's another one that I knew, but isn't here.

"There's 2 kinds of pilots; those that have landed with their gear up, and those who are going to"...;)

**Thanks for the funnies.

I watched an SR-71 take off from Naha, Okinawa in the mid sixties.   It got about fifty foot off the runway, turned almost straight up and disappeared out of sight with a mighty roar.  That was just about most awesome thing I have ever seen.  They would not let anyone leave the base, or enter it as long as the SR-71 was there.  Apparently it had an emergency and had to land long enough to get it fixed. 

There is a story floating around about an air traffic controller who got a call from what he believed to be a military pilot requesting permission to go to FL90 (90,000ft).   The flight controller being a wise ass says to him " If you can get up there, you can have it." and the pilot says back   "DESCENDING to FL90 roger."**

UVDan: Excellent story!

That was a good story.....

This is cool. The SR-71 is my all time favorite aircraft. The next is the X-15. Back in the 80's an SR-71 made an emergency landing in New Orleans.. at the Air Naval Base in Belle Chase (westbank side of the river, heading towards lots of marsh land.) From what I understand the pilots gave some order to the base commander that they were going to land and to prepare a hanger for the aircraft. They landed. I think 2 hours later another aircraft landed with some parts, maybe an engine. Some time later the SR-71 takes off.  Cool! If I were outside at the time, I probably could've seen it. Thing is, it was some years before I heard the SR-71 fleet were all retired. Then one lands in New Orleans. Then in the 90's they were used again.

For them to retire the SR-71 fleet, there has to be something MUCH MORE CAPABLE available to them.  Now THAT, whatever it is, must really be awesome!!!

What also impresses me, which rarely ever is mentioned in any documentary about the SR-71 is the D21 Drone.

Squadron (i think) published a very good book on the aircraft, including some pilot stories. There's one story about the Russians sending up migs and other aircraft to try to intercept the SR-71. One of these Russian crafts was a specially modified Foxbat. It was the only aircraft the Russians could send up that could come close to intercept. I think a Russian pilot defected to Japan with one of these special Foxbats. Anyway, one of the SR-71 pilots is interviewed later about a race between the two aircraft where the Foxbat beat the SR-71 but only by the numbers. Two things: the SR-71 was not allowed to go as fast as it could, and the Foxbat engine could only achieve the high speeds once, after which the engine was pretty much destroyed by the effort. But the things that impressed me was the SR-71 was never allowed to open up as fast as it could go. Documentaries only go so high as "greater than mach 3" or "mach 3+", but officially the maximum speed has never been released. Secondly, the SR-71 engines could achieve the high speeds over and over again, whereas just once was too much for the Foxbat.

I love this aircraft. The engine sucked in more air than it expelled. The oils were as hard as wax when cold. The fuels could not be ignited with a match. It took 30 minutes for the aircraft's body to cool down enough before ground crews could approach it. The pilots wore astronaught suits. The friction on the aircraft's body was so hot it glowed. Pilots used to heat up their food tubes by placing it on the windshield. It's been clocked to cross the Atlantic in less than 2 hours.

And this was 1960's technology. Imagine what they have now. I'm not surprised if the rumors of Aurora are true.

There's another factoid that everytime the Blackbird (SR71) flew the skin got tougher and tougher due to the heat......

yes, that is true. There was also something about ... now this is where my lack of aviation terminology fails me... you know those lines of air the stream out from the very edges of a wing going fast? The Blackbird had those too, but from the front of the aircraft, from the nose. And there's something about how long those things would get that's supposed to be impressive.  I wish I had my old book with all these nice factoids.

One fact is that the aircraft was made with spaces inbetween the sections..  while stationed on land it would leaked fluids all over the place..  but when it flew the heat would make the metals expand and the leaking would stop...   these spaces and cracks were ofcourse done purposely..

The SR71 "Blackbird" was a beautiful aircraft indeed, i'm sure i read somewhere that it glowed red in flight which is pretty impressive considering the altitude it flew at and the air being so thin. I'm also sure that since it was retired the USAF had a pretty good replacement, and it would not surprise me at all if these new craft have been mistaken for UFO's. Ive seen on the TV something about mysterious high flying aircraft that leave a Con trail that looks like someone blew smoke rings (Some type of pulse or ram jet i guess), i also wonder just what else is being created in the so called Black projects?..

Quote - mysterious high flying aircraft that leave a Con trail that looks like someone blew smoke rings (Some type of pulse or ram jet i guess).

That would be the Aurora. Satellite photos have shown those trails leaving the Nevada desert and going straight out the Atlantic. Years ago when this was first reported, there were other satellite photos showing the thing coming in from the Pacific right to Nevada and not coming out. Also, there exists photos of those trails by ppl on the ground. Also, those trails have been recorded in seismographs.

Thoughts of the Aurora's propulsion has been everything from a pulse or ram jet to something like small explosions, similar to the Orion space project. In that project, a spacecraft would have traveled about the solar system riding on a series of nuclear blasts. Some years ago on either History Channel or Discovery there was a documentary of the Orion project, interviewing some of the ppl involved. They showed films of the tests they did of a modeled Orion space craft riding up a series of explosions. The most recent talk about Aurora is maybe the propulsion is something based on that.  If so, it could also be unmanned.

Whatever it is, it's fast!

About the SR-71... it seems every few years it's "retired" but then something comes up and one hears later that the Blackbird was sent for reconnaissance. I thought it was retired, but it's still doing missions. So I think that saying it's retired is just disinformation.

The SR-71 is an awesome plane, 

you missed some quotes that I remember from basic...

'If you can't remember which way the claymore is pointing, it's pointing at you.'

'A sucking chest wound is god's way of telling you to slow down'

'trust me you will very shortly have a real interest in keeping under cover.....'

Quote -

'If you can't remember which way the claymore is pointing, it's pointing at you.'

'A sucking chest wound is god's way of telling you to slow down'

'trust me you will very shortly have a real interest in keeping under cover.....'

HUH?

Quote - > Quote -

'If you can't remember which way the claymore is pointing, it's pointing at you.'

'A sucking chest wound is god's way of telling you to slow down'

'trust me you will very shortly have a real interest in keeping under cover.....'

 

HUH?

Sorry, Pakled started the thread with a set of military quotes - these are some other classics that most forces people have been told at some point... (as an FYI a Claymore is a directional anti-personnel mine) the two others are classic training quotes.

From me Da, of all people..;)

WIT AND WISDOM      MILITARY SOURCES
 
  "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher
  fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular
  in
  what's left of your unit."
   Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
 
   "Aim towards the Enemy."
    Instruction printed in US Rocket Launcher
 
 
      "After the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
      U.S. Marine Corps
 
      "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate.
      The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
      USAF Ammo Troop
 
      "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
      Infantry Journal
 
 
      "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly
      over the area you just bombed."
      U.S. Air Force Manual
 
 
      "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword
      obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
      General MacArthur
 
 
       "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
      Infantry Journal
 
 
      "You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me
      U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.
 
 
      "Tracers work both ways."
      U.S. Army Ordnance
 
 
      "Five second fuses only last three seconds."
      Infantry Journal @Cares Fresh
 
 
      "Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last,
      and don't ever volunteer to do anything."
      U.S. Navy Swabbie
 
 
      "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
           David Hackworth
 
 
      "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an
  ambush."
       Infantry Journal
 
 
      "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
      Joe Gay
 
 
      "Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."
 
 
      "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
      Unknown Marine Recruit
 
 
      "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
      Your Buddies
 
 
      "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
      USAF AmmoTroop
 
 
      "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No
      Evil.  For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
       At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
 
 
      "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
      Paul F.Crickmore (test pilot)
 
 
      "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
      Blue water Navy truism:
 
      "There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
      From an old carrier sailor
 
       "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage,
      it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
 
      "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always
      have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
 
       "Without ammunition, the USAF would
      be just another expensive flying club."
 
 
       "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers
      and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pi
lot dies;
      If ATC screws up, ..... The pilot dies."
 
 
      "Never trade luck for skill."
 
       The three most common expressions
      (or famous last words) in aviation are:
      "Why is it doing that?",
 
      "Where are we?"
 
      And "Oh S...!"
 
 
      "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
 
 
       "Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always
      needed to successfully complete the flight."
 
 
      "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation;
      we never left one up there!"
 
 
      "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a
      flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."
 
 
      "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing
      your plight to a person on the ground incapable of
      understanding or doing anything about it."
 
 
      "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world;
      it can just barely kill you."
      Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
 
 
       "A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably
      isn't flying his plane to its maximum."
      Jon McBride, astronaut
 
 
      "If you're faced with a forced landing, fly
      the thing as far into the crash as possible."
      Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
 
      "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
 
 
       "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in
  peacetime."
      Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
 
 
        "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about
  to."
 
 
      Basic Flying Rules:
 
      "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go
      near the edges of it. The edges of the air can
      be recognized by the appearance of ground,
      buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.
      It is much more difficult to fly there."
 
 
       "You know that your landing gear is up and locked
      when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
 
 
       As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft,
      having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing,
      the crash truck arrives,the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot
      and asks "What happened?".
       The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"

I flew the RF-4. We were on the other side of the altitude equation when we took pics. We also  had a saying. "Yea though I fly through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil, for I am the fastest SOB in the valley."

I flew against a lot of airplanes and on the deck, the only plane faster was the F-111.

Fun Times.