Well you see it was like this - I met this gurl a couple of weeks back who told me she was breaking up with her B.F.and so like a fool I told her that if she needed any help she should call me. Well one thing led to another and now she's in the house large and in charge. Why she even made me watch a flick called : "How to lose a guy in 10 days" which she often quotes . . . but she spends as much time with the ex as me. Well, you see my problem
 
I'd like to wake up and realize it was all a bad dream but my checking account won't let me. 
I know, I know.  cut your losses - get her out before it's too late.
It's just that I can't do that because like in the movie I'm totally into her (figuratively speaking). Understand it's been 10 days and in the movie the guy chases the gurl down with his motorcycle and tells her "bullshit" which was the name of a card game they played with his family and everything turns out OK ...  but we're in Fresno not NY city and the whole thing seems sort of hopeless.

Drama,drama,drama.

Yeah, yeah, yeah  I know what you're thinking but Higgins really WAS Robbin Masters, Stanley Tweedle really IS a dweeb and finding really good lilac candles IS  practically impossable.  

so any rate - my question is: can I run away from home, my job, my cat, Yoda(her), and the internet? If so would a pictoral representation help?  

Well, cloak me a stripper, I'll be home for Yom Kippur!!
-TJ 

a guy chases a girl till SHE decides to catch him.....    

Been through this before with human females(more than once). It never ends happily, given the set of circumstances you have just shared. You are the "Night in Shining Armour", trying to rescue the "Damsel in Distress". She is on the rebound and it sounds like she can't decide between you, or her ex.  My advice is to get as far away as possible from this chick and find someone who lives in the real world, not a fantasy. I'm afraid you are being played. Good luck whatever you decide to do TJ. I've been down that road before.

...or you're the 'Nice Guy'...;) been there, done that. Wound up in an 8-year living hell...never date someone crazier than you are...;)

if you're getting hit in the check book, sounds fishy to me. Mebbe a gentle hit (speaking of gentle hits, reminds me of the Lovin' Spoonfuls'  Did you ever have to make up your mind?, only for her)
to @#$% or get off the pot, but that's me...diplomatic to the first...;)

Well in the first place, TJ,  I wouldn't move in a rebound gal after more than 10  years of dating. In fact, I wouldn't move in a rebound gal period! :mad: But what is done is done. My suggestion would be to tell her that the relationship has lost its "LUSTer"  and that you and she should be on  roommate or house mate basis. :sneaky: Draw up a contract, delving up the expenses equally between the two of you. Make her sign the contract in front of witnesses. You'll see how quickly she will vacate the premise. Tell her it's nothing personal, just  business. And go and see a lawyer about a prenup contract.  Cuz sometimes the little head :wub: has the tendency to overcome the big head when it comes to handling the financial aspect of romantic endeavors... :tt1: (Seen it happened with my brother and a few male friends .)  Also make her sign those promissory notes for those "loans". So you will get reimburse for those "rebound moments" which occurs when she needs money to go and see her ex, while you're supposed to be stupid and unaware of anything.   :woot:

BTW, are you still brycing???

Never date anyone who wears purple, hello kitty, unicorns, or talk’s baby talk past the age of thirteen.

Never date anyone who thinks the cure for a maxed-out credit card is to arrange the living room furniture in the correct feng shui pattern to channel a positive flow of energy. The correct way to cure a maxed-out credit card is to arrange a positive cash flow between the bank account and the card company. Stop spending till you have it helps too.

Never date someone who says it's always somebody else's fault. I backed into his car but he shouldn't have parked there so I'm driving away without leaving a note. If only the world would accept that we are the master race then we could run things and we wouldn't have to march across Europe and kill all those Jews.

You are confusing herself righteousness with actually being right. You're also feeling a little bit guilty because hey, "You got some." Now you think you owe her. That type of thinking is why we still have hookers. Chimps and everything on this branch of the evolutionary tree behave the same way. Don't think a little Dr. Phil is going to roll over millions of years of history, learn to deal with it.

Scenario one
Have a big fight throw her out and be done. In six months you will be bringing in another damsel in distress. Lather-Rinse-Repeat X twenty years. Remember how it's always someone else’s fault? So Heidi Klum is too good for you? Well she is already married to Seal, so she's off limits, but that's not my point. What's wrong with someone who's got their own? Every Chile' got to have its own. Guy's always date down. She's in trouble so she'll be grateful, but why is she in trouble? Is it going to be trouble to you later on? Better not court trouble. Dump this one and go for something different.

Scenario two
Wait for about two years and the little head will stop thinking for the big head. That's how long it takes for the brain to stop making the chemicals that are confusing you now. If it even takes that long your bank account is cleaned out and you have several maxed credit cards. Remember you can only bankrupt once every seven years. Condoms are 98% reliable (read the package). If you only have sex once a week for two years Congratulations! You probably have at least one child when you finally call it quits. You're still broke up only now you have a little one to support for the next 18 years.

Scenario Three
Become a Wall Street trader. You are making so much money she can't outspend you (sure).You don't see her much because making a lot of money does take lots of 16 hour days, trips to Hong Kong etc. Her occasional skirts and shoe binges have grown to designer labels and Jaguar cars. You both have three martini lunches and single malt scotch after dinner. Guess what happened to the woman who got everything she wanted? She found something else to want. At least the pool boy is less expensive than the trips to Cartier. It leaves you with more time for your 20 something secretary. At the end of 20 years you realize you are two strangers living in the same houses and divorce. You take LA and she takes the summer place in the Hamptons. Lately the secretary is pushing to get married. You see her eying other, younger men at dinner but expect things to settle out once you tie the knot. She goes home to a new pool boy and you go back to the office with a new secretary. Lather- rinse-repeat.

Scenario Four
Talk to her. Explain that you are not responsible for the 30,000 she has on her credit cards or the car she totaled before she moved in. Explain that she has to pay everything off before your relationship can go any further. If you decide to get married you automatically assume these debits so you better deal with them one way or another. Explain that there is no going back to the old boyfriend for anything that you don't provide and stick to it.  None of this "or else something bad may or may not happen sometime" crap. Give her a concrete result like, “Your stuff will be on the stoop and the locks changed." On the other hand get used to a reasonable amount of food clothing and shelter. If you are going to play husband better be ready to play provider. When we had 4 chicken breasts my wife and three kids ate and I got peanut butter until could afford enough for all. I've heard about guys eating steak while the kids have hot dogs. I just want to beat the crap out of them. If you just want to have a casual relationship better both be on the same page. If you are practicing having a family better be ready to step up. Better have a set of rules laid out.

Talk some more and find out where you are giving 100% Most couples don't have or value the same things they are giving 100% on. My wife dragged me for years to Bill Gothard and did little notebooks about putting on the full armor of God. After years she said, “just can't do this wonder woman stuff anymore!"
 Who said you have to? I could care less. That was Mike your old boyfriend.
What about the Martha Stewart living room, The Julia Childs kitchen?
I'm more interested in the Marylin Chambers bedroom.

I never did anything for Valentine's Day, Mother's Day etc. I was not that excited to get a birthday present after about 11 or 12 years old. I learned quickly it was a big deal to her. She figured out that I was jealous and comparing me to a specific guy was a bad idea. I always thought the little businesses she started wasted more money than they earned. I let it ride because I realized they were tied to her self-worth.

So now you're in the situation where you don't like what's going on. You have no idea if the things this girl is doing are a casual habit or a pathological behavior. You don't want to say anything because you're afraid you'll screw the pooch. Besides, you haven't decided how strong your own feelings are. Plus you aren’t so proud about your own behavior or worth and you are leaving it to karma to sort things out for you. Guess what, it will just get worse if you leave it. Better start communicating, and after that, you need to communicate. When you finish with that you should set aside sometime to communicate. Lather-rinse-repeat.

Senerio One seems like the best choice. At least that way the cards will all be on the table - she'll probably go running back to the ex and the whole thing will be over except for the holes in my heart and pocketbook which will hopefully heal over time; if the same thing happens later on at least I'll know the right opening move and insure that I guard my finances better.  
... but you know It's funny - I've been alone for over ten years but I never felt lonely during all that time until I met her.

Thanks for the advice guys,
-TJ

Quote - Been through this before with human females(more than once). It never ends happily, given the set of circumstances you have just shared. You are the "Night in Shining Armour", trying to rescue the "Damsel in Distress". She is on the rebound and it sounds like she can't decide between you, or her ex.  My advice is to get as far away as possible from this chick and find someone who lives in the real world, not a fantasy. I'm afraid you are being played. Good luck whatever you decide to do TJ. I've been down that road before.

I couldn't agree more.

It does not sound like a healthy relationship....   You are a link in this romantic chain as much as she is....  Don't spend time determining what's wrong with her...   It's what going on with you....  You get something out of this and that's the pay-off...  You are willing to sacrifice your peace of mind for some reason...  "the pay-off"..  

Your home work....
What do you want out of this relationship that's worth this trouble...?

Tom:
What do I want out of it? plain and simple - marriage; either that or for her to leave me be. Maybe then either way, I could get back to Brycing and thus get to creating the world's worst art ever.

. . . but then there's Kris (an old flame) who is looking for a place to stay in Fresberg. If them two girls ever met . . . 
alas, I'm not that devious - or am I?              

drama drama drama - oh gosh!  now she's got me doing it ! ! !
Well, you can't lose what you never had.
-TJ

sounds like you are the victim here....    she has to do it all....  marry you or leave you.... 

you need to check your priorities....  I wish I knew more about you but I don't...  just does not sound like a good match...  already you got troubles... imagine if you got hitched...    love is mutual, open and trusting...   does not sound like any of these are strong....  from what you posted...

Tom 

I agree with Tom. This is not a good match for you. I would tell her to leave you alone and go about your business. Don't go looking to get hitched. It's not all what it's cracked up to be. Probably leave you more cracked than before. 

So far this seems to have been the starting point:

• you met a girl,
• she dumped her bf,
• she hangs out with you,
• she hangs out with her ex,
• something is buggin you

The neutral advice for a situation like that would be... if this has only been goin on 10 days, its most likely nowhere near serious yet between her and you, and you should not fool yourself into thinkin otherwise unless you have a really good reason. Aiming for marriage after 10 days? Thats a recepy for disaster in any scenario. Be patient, play the game, be cool, take your chances but dont be afraid to wait for the right opertunities. Being a smooth operator works, being over-eager does not.

The breakup is fresh, they hang out still, it might mean they could get back together, might mean they'll just continue as friends, might mean they'll continue as friends + some casual sex every now and then. Untill the dust has settled you shouldnt get too involved and definitely shouldnt get your own hopes up too much. Keep a bit of emotional distance for your own sake if you worry about gettin hurt.

Also, since she just broke up, theres a big chance you're the rebound crush. Which can be good, or bad, depending on what you want.  Most likely scenarios for a rebound crush situation (in no particular order):
1 you gain a friend
2 you gain a fuckbuddy
3 you gain a lover
4 you let it mess with your mind and ur screwed

Personally in general i'd go for 1 first, 2 following shortly after or not at all. Then maybe later when things are more clear and if things go well, you could always attempt for 3. Obviously you should avoid 4.

But... there seems to be another factor involved.... an important one:

• after 10 days shes already tryin to take over control
• she's sharing/using (/abusing?) your finances
• she's living at your place
  Shit dude u got a golddigger, a control freak, or both on ur hands! U need to either draw the line really clearly, right now, or leave her. And if you draw this line, it means she has to take quite a few steps back.
  Using ur cash within 10 days? who the hell does she think she is? if you really think she's worth it, step up be the man, draw the line, show who's boss, let her know shes new and aint got nothin to say about your money or your house. She doesnt own anything of yours. Just like you aint got nothing to say about her or her money or her house or her stuff either.

As for the old flame.. so what if the two girls meet? who cares? you're single, neither of them have a relationship with you. Simply put, you dont owe them anything. If you dont want to make either one feel like ur messing with them, just play open cards.
Right now i got 3 girls tryin to date me and all three know theres at least one other girl that wants to go on dates with me, and they know im hangin out with at least one of those as well. And it works fine cuz i dont lie to any of them and dont hide stuff if they ask for it. Ofcourse theyre jealous of each other but thats constructive because now they try harder to impress me. And they all think im so nice and honest, cuz i play open cards with them. So its no problem at all.
You're in charge dude, its your life.

Ray,
No I don''t - she be gone - E'mans senario 1 worked just fine. Now only time will tell if it holds or if she presses me  if I can hold my resolve. I'm not gonna wait  for her by any means but it's clear to her now that the only way she's movin' back in is as my girl friend. I may never see her again but at least the other guy now knows he either has to take care of her or let her go. I made that plain to him in no uncertain terms. I do hope she'll be alright ... 

Well, as the Dolphins said in 'the hitchhiker's guide...',
"thanks for all the fish!!"
-TJ
   

Good luck TJ. Good luck Bro.

 Ah, sounds like good progress there TJ, perhaps this will allow you to focus on winning back your old flame, or finding a new one :)

hm... two girls??? meet? hm...

yup dryet... long as  play open cards and come to a consensus, its all fine :-)

but... i don't even get ONE!!! lol

just walk up to one that seems nice and say hi ;-) see where it goes from there :-P

lol. i was sort of kidding u know... anyway, who'd want bikermouse's problems? now... i'm off. don't want to hijack this thread as well.

 which is why i suggested the uber-obvious 'sayin hi' ,,, lol
But yea im sure TJ will bounce back :)

Yeah, go up to her slow, smile and say hi followed by a compliment. if she responds positively invite her out to eat or something.