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Subject: OT todays distractions


bobbystahr ( ) posted Fri, 22 April 2011 at 9:23 AM · edited Fri, 04 October 2024 at 5:32 PM

Content Advisory! This message contains profanity

My job search

"This is quite clever.  I wonder who thinks of all this stuff. "

 1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned.  Couldn't concentrate.

 2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack,   but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. 

  1. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

  4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory,   but that was too exhausting. 

  1. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme. 

  2. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker,   but any way I sliced it.... couldn't cut the mustard. 

  3. My best job was a Musician,     but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

 

  1. I studied a long time to become a Doctor,        but didn't have any patience. 

  2. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory.     Tried hard but just didn't fit in. 

  3. I became a Professional Fisherman,   but discovered I couldn't live on my net income. 

  4. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company,        but the work was just too draining. 

  5. So then I got a job in a Workout Center,      but they said I wasn't fit for the job..  

  6. After many years of trying to find steady work,  I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

  1. My last job was working in Starbucks,      but had to quit because it was the same old grind.  

 

  1. SO, I TRIED   RETIREMENT    AND I FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB! 

 

Once in a while I look around,
I see a sound
and try to write it down
Sometimes they come out very soft
Tinkling light sound
The Sun comes up again



 

 

 

 

 


TheBryster ( ) posted Fri, 22 April 2011 at 10:25 AM · edited Fri, 22 April 2011 at 10:27 AM
Forum Moderator

:lol:

They threw me out of the army for shooting my mouth off....................

Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader

All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster


And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...


clay ( ) posted Fri, 22 April 2011 at 11:54 AM

I got fired from AT&T Teir 2 tech support because I was to good at my job and threatend manager's jobs goooo att, buncha crooks!

Do atleast one thing a day that scares the hell outta ya!!


tjohn ( ) posted Fri, 22 April 2011 at 12:01 PM

Had a job at the circus as a Human Cannonball, but I got fired.

This is not my "second childhood". I'm not finished with the first one yet.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

"I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather....not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus." - Jack Handy


bobbystahr ( ) posted Fri, 22 April 2011 at 3:58 PM

gOOD ADDITIONS...lol.. ...

 

Once in a while I look around,
I see a sound
and try to write it down
Sometimes they come out very soft
Tinkling light sound
The Sun comes up again



 

 

 

 

 


tom271 ( ) posted Fri, 22 April 2011 at 5:28 PM

:)



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AnnieD ( ) posted Fri, 22 April 2011 at 6:48 PM

This has to be the best one I've seen in a long time...love it!!

Thanks for sharing bobby

 

“For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.”

[Stuart Chase]


tom271 ( ) posted Fri, 22 April 2011 at 7:14 PM · edited Fri, 22 April 2011 at 7:15 PM

wanted to be a lawyer and was found to be "BORED" certified...



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peedy ( ) posted Fri, 22 April 2011 at 11:56 PM

LOL!

 

Corrie


erosiaart ( ) posted Sat, 23 April 2011 at 10:51 PM

teeheee..tee..hahahahah..LOL. 

Thank you for brightening my sunday...


TheBryster ( ) posted Tue, 26 April 2011 at 7:37 AM
Forum Moderator

Brits will get this, but I'm not sure about the rest of you guys...

Proposed cuts to the National Health Service.

The British Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister David Cameron's health care proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it,  but the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the  Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash  their hands of the whole thing.

The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just wouldn’t hear of it.

The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow,  and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the  matter...."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the  Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a**holes in London .

Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader

All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster


And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...


peedy ( ) posted Tue, 26 April 2011 at 8:23 AM

Hehehehe

Corrie


tom271 ( ) posted Tue, 26 April 2011 at 12:39 PM

Very funny....  and clever....



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Rayraz ( ) posted Tue, 26 April 2011 at 1:27 PM

haha both of these are pretty good! i like wordplay :D

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(='.'=)
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(")This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your signature to help him gain world domination.


Gog ( ) posted Wed, 27 April 2011 at 6:24 AM

Stole this joke, but it made me laugh ;

 

I got chucked  out of the supermarket for swearing at the brocoli, the doctor says I may have Florets...

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Toolset: Blender, GIMP, Indigo Render, LuxRender, TopMod, Knotplot, Ivy Gen, Plant Studio.


Rayraz ( ) posted Tue, 17 May 2011 at 4:38 AM

Mods, Could someone remove the spammer please?

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(='.'=)
(")
(")This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your signature to help him gain world domination.


TheBryster ( ) posted Tue, 17 May 2011 at 9:02 AM
Forum Moderator

Already sorted.

Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader

All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster


And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...


Rayraz ( ) posted Tue, 17 May 2011 at 10:01 AM

u forgot one :)

(_/)
(='.'=)
(")
(")This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your signature to help him gain world domination.


markschum ( ) posted Tue, 17 May 2011 at 10:22 AM

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The Bunny army ! 


Rayraz ( ) posted Tue, 17 May 2011 at 10:23 AM

hehehe nice! :D together we will conquer the world!

(_/)
(='.'=)
(")
(")This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your signature to help him gain world domination.


dyret ( ) posted Tue, 17 May 2011 at 12:54 PM

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My bunny is over the ocean....


Rayraz ( ) posted Tue, 17 May 2011 at 2:31 PM

Which side? im in europe hehe

(_/)
(='.'=)
(")
(")This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your signature to help him gain world domination.


TheBryster ( ) posted Wed, 18 May 2011 at 6:03 AM
Forum Moderator

Your bunny is about to become rabbit pie.............

Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader

All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster


And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...


dyret ( ) posted Fri, 20 May 2011 at 5:53 AM

I'm in Norway. lol. My bunny is over the sea!


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