Renderosity Forums / Bryce
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Forum Moderators: TheBryster
Bryce F.A.Q (Last Updated: 2024 Nov 26 4:28 pm)
Subject: A few giggles...
Those are great, so good I'm sending them to my husband at work so he can have some fun tomorrow.
Brill!
Measure
your mind's height
by the shade it casts.
Robert Browning (Paracelsus)
http://franontheedge.blogspot.com/
Excellent.
Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader
All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster
And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...
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These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.**
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
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FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
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FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
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COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
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WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
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FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
___________________________________________________________
Thought from Scottish Comedian, Billy Connolly.
**
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,**
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
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**
** Children Are Quick****
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
**_________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
**
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**Hope you got a grin or two...
**
This is not my "second childhood". I'm not finished with the first one yet.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
"I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather....not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus." - Jack Handy