I know everyone gets calls from these turkeys, and I usually just swear at them and hang up.  But this afternoon I was on my Poser machine, which has not and never will see the internet.  Let them go through the bit through the eventvwr, then told him I knew what the message meant, it meant Poser had a little hiccup.  But when he asked how many entries there were, 11496.  The normal "Oh my god!", then I told him i knew what those meant and knew they were just a record of software hitches that had happened. 

I now know what I am, where he's going to come, and what he's going to do to my wife and daughter, one of which is deceased, the other in a nursing home.  Um, no, I'm not that, I honor my mother, NO, I don't do that, I'm definitely not of that orientation.  Good luck with the female in the house, Angel isn't any angel and she's not declawed.  But, eight minutes of free entertainment.  OH, yes.  Working in factories for more than 40 years, I know a few names he probably heard for the first time today.

Doric.

What I do is, at the beginning, tell them, that the conversation is being recorded for security and training purposes... Then I asked them, if they want to continue. There's a slight gasp, pause and hangup.??

Microsoft does not call.  This is a scam.

Brush up yer Shakespeare on 'em ... in the original Klingon. ;-)

I've thought that if they call me again (they've called twice) I'd play the total computer illiterate (you mean that slide out isn't a cup holder?) And see how long I can go before I totally piss them off. Or talk to them for a whole like I'm cooperating and them ask why microsoft is calling to support a mac.

Oooh, nice one. Think I'll borrow it next time they call. They must be sick of hearing the "uh ... But I'm running Linux" line from me. Which is not exactly a fib, I had my e-reader in my hand at the time and yep, it was a Linux based device. 

Hmm, both my tablets are Android. Wonder what  "Windows Support" will say about that.

Oh, I know! :click: 

Or you could read aloud from one of those little pamphlets that the jehova's witnesses hand out. I doubt any scammer would sit through a whole one.

I can't stand to read the jehova's junk even for that, so,

Anyhow, can you believe those idiots called me again today?  28 minutes, ten of which all I kept telling him was "You're a criminal", and he kept his mouth running.  He says he's got my IP, big deal, they all do.  He says he's going to shut my computer down, when it's not on line and I'm not going to let him get access to any of them.  And I double clicked on one of the error messages in the log, he went balistic when I told him it was just the computer looking for a CD and I didn't have one in the drive.  Hope they call again, I'll see if I can keep them an hour next time.  Free entertainment. 

Doric.

I love those guys. They called me and asked me if my computer was on, I told him it wasn't on even though it was.  He then asked me to turn it on and I told him, NO!. He kept trying for about 5 minutes and got pissed off at me and told me that he was going to block my computer from their servers and if he does that then I will never be able to use my computer again.  I told him that blocking my computer from their servers sounds good and to go ahead and do it.

Based on the scam my computer should be a piece of junk that can never be used again.  The next time they call me. That's the story that I'll give them.  I'll tell them that their information is wrong and it can't possibly be my computer because they blocked it from the servers and not its piece of junk that doesn't work. lol.

Those guys are worst than the Nigerian Scams that were big back in the day.

There is also a Job employment scam as well.  These people will ask for when you are born and the first or last 4 or 5 digits of your social security number as part of sending the resume.  These guys are more dangerous than the Microsoft scam, because they prey on people who are desperately seeking work.

Yeah, I've gotten the threats of block my computer or they'll call my local police and have me arrested.  But the more they call, the more creative I'm going to have to be to keep them on the line as long as possible.  I might even have to go back to some of the 1960 era Navy insults, those are always good for a laugh.  Nothing wrong with giving them a bunch of bald faces lies, they earn them and probably earn points while I'm doing it.  That is, points for me, not the scammers.  Card services used to be easy to hang on the line for a while, but they're getting "educated" a little.  Now they don't stay long enough for me to tell them I had to get up to answer my phone so I thought I'd kill some of their time.  But the windows jerks, I tell them anything I want to.  Hope they call tomorrow again, an idea just popped into my head.  Tormenting criminals isn't against the law, it's not like poking them with sharp sticks.

Doric.

Here's another idea: as soon as they tell you to look in Event Viewer, suddenly start going "oh no! That's not good! What am I going to do about this? I need to get rid of it now! Can you help me make this go away?" and when they ask you what you are seeing, tell them that you have a massive erection >:-) That's really only if it's a man calling, don't use something like that on the ladies. For the ladies, tell them you need to take a massive shit, and can they stay on the line while you do so. This will obviously work better if you can make convincing noises to that effect.

Conversely, when they first say who they are, tell them that you are kanjoos makhi choos (pronounced CON JUICE MACKY CHUCE) and you refuse to pay even one penny.

And then there's this: http://www.myinsults.com/all-insults/hindi-insults - if they can call you bad names in English, why not return the favor. Bonus points if you pretend to go along with their scam while randomly throwing Hindi insults in every so often. When they ask what you just said, play innocent :-P

I've got a little German, I'll let you guess about which parts.  Threw a few at him yesterday, he didn't understand.  Oh, well.

Doric.

Someone tried this on my mother, she's 87, luckily it was on a day I visit and she told him to call back later, when I would be there.

(It's taken me decades to train her! lol)

The idiot actually did call back!

I had a series of calls the other day from a Eastern gentleman who called himself "William." I admonished him, nicely, wished him well, hoped he would find an honorable job soon, then hung up. He kept calling back and, obviously, got coworkers to call me back, too.... I am going to invent a way to transmit something disgustingly smelly through a phone line, just for these types of people.

I had a series of calls the other day from a Eastern gentleman who called himself "William." I admonished him, nicely, wished him well, hoped he would find an honorable job soon, then hung up. He kept calling back and, obviously, got coworkers to call me back, too.... I am going to invent a way to transmit something disgustingly smelly through a phone line, just for these types of people.

lol.. Possible answers 1. Sorry I don't have a PC

1. Sorry that computer is no longer here

2. Play dumb:  What's a PC?  The worst thing for help desk is someone who is clueless about a computer. 

4.  When ask to connect to the Internet.  Tell them you don't have internet service and that  you always go to the library to use theirs.

1. Tell them that you can't understand them and to call you back at a different number. Then give them Microsoft's number.  lol.

2. Tell them that you can't understand them and to call you back at a different number. Then give them the local police non-emergency number.

3. When ask to let them connect your to your computer.  Just sit by the phone and tell them ok.  Then pretend that you are letting them connect to an imaginary computer.  Tell them to walk you through the process.  When they discover that they can't connect, tell them that you see that they have connected to your computer so it must be something on their end.

8.  All time great response:  When they call repeat everything they say.

9.  Sit on the phone and keep saying hello?  hello?  hello?

10.  Go demon voice on them.  Respond in a dark voice " I'll drink your blood." and end it with a crazy man or woman laugh

My purpose is to keep them on the line for the maximum possible time, let them think they're going to get somewhere, then start explaining the error files to them, even to clicking on them and reading the report.  Gotta perfect my routine though, can't hold them long enough yet.  I can get them to the point of name calling and impossible threat throwing, but it would be nice if I could reduce one to idiotic lunacy.  Or maybe reduce their whole crew to babbling.  I need more practice.

Doric.