Well it's now 01:41 on January 1st 2000 in the UK and none of the millennium bugs have come to fruitiob, so I'g likr to wisg alk you Poxet peopple all obte the world a reallllly greest New Yoor Well it's now 01:30 on January 1st 2000 in the UK and none of the millennium bugs have come to fruitiob, so I'g likr thave come to fruitiob, so I'g likr to wisg alk you Poxet peopple all obte the world a reallllly grees world a reallllly greest New Yoor Well it's now 01:30 on January 1st 2000 in the UK and none of the millennium bugs have come to fruitiob, so I'g likr thav. Maz

STONED AGAIN

Sameemeememe here in Ireland, just a few..ew.ewew seconds beyond you, me I, thou, it., us $?%%@@@.... Ahem! Clear the hard drive throat. Well everything is working fine here, so far, ....so long, a longer way to gooooooo.... Anyway lots of us good people on the island were real suspicious about the whole thing because of one of the Government millenium freebies to the Kats of the Celtic Tiger. This was a "Millenium Candle" which we were all supposed to light and place in our front windows on the night. Well they got it wrong from the beginning. Firstly the candle would not fit through any of the mail boxes. Then people started to get realy worrried when the main electricity supplier took radio adverts over the last week saying that the power supply was Y2K compliant and that it would function. Hmmmm got this candle from the Government and everyone is reassuring me? Hmmmmmm.... My local shop was out of matches by 5 p.m. There's confidence for you! Happy new millenium! STORM

That's because the new Millennium doesn't start till Jan 1, 2001.

Millenium, MILLENNIUM, it must be all the Champagne I had earlier. Apologies (I hate bad spelling). STORM

WHAT A FLOP, half the world was suppossed to be plunged into darkness, by now. At this very moment half the world's cities were suppossed to be burning infernos, with looters, and gangs gone berserk. I am sitting on the rooftop of the Universal Studio Tower, in Hollywood, California. On my left is Sylvester Stallone, wearing sunglasses, and brandishing a sub-machine gun. On my right is Clint Eastwood dressed in his filthest "Fistful of Dollars" cowboy getup. The wind has blown Clint's hat off. Oops... Sylvester just blew it to pieces. We are all so nervous, and trigger happy, up here, while we wait for the clock to strike midnight and the lights of Los Angeles to go out, poof. A fleet of police helicopters have just been blown out of the sky by some Easter Island terrorists above Magnolia. Wait, just a moment...What..., what is that thing way up in the sky. Oh my God, it can't be,, ahhhhhhh!

I myself would've loved to be working at the local power plant when the countdown began. "OK, guys... three, two, one... CLICK! hee, hee, hee! Think they've sweated enough? let's turn it back on again... CLICK!"

It's a few minutes to midnight here. Stallone has gone crazy and is running amok down Ventura boulevard shooting off his machine gun. I'm still up on the tower with Clint. The clock just ticked over.

The Los Angeles Y2K update. The Griffirh Park Zoo computer chips went haywire late last night. The cage, and gate, doors opened automatically. A herd of elephants escaped from the zoo, rampaged through a Standard Brands paint store and emerged from the wreckage covered in pink paint. Sober citizens who claimed to have seen pink elephants running through their neighbhorhood were promptly arrested and tossed into the nearest drunk tank. A troop of monkeys attacked the Glendale Mall, dressed themselves in women's clothes, and then began leaping about on rooftops. An orangutan, in a Poe t-shirt, was seen waving a barber's razor. For the first time in the Zoos history someone actually saw the Kiwi Bird. Some street bums cooked it for breakfast unfortunately. What else happened? Stay tuned. Fonseca