My life has beem complicated over the last few months... I lost the woman I liove, wixh was pastedall over this forum, I lost faith... ui searched for it with no insparation, I went through 14 countries, camara in hand in search, and found it, I think tonight. I used to teach kendo, I was good, few in this world know this, it has been a long time, but some times our ple is heard. In my instance it came from a man named mathew, who I never thought I would hear from again. Then he showed up and bloodd me. made me defend my self, made me think, not just react to what god threw at me. I am trying to not blood my keyboard, as type this extaticly, thinking that I wish I could show you the outcome of my feeling. I am cut, deep. as deep as the sword that I last felt almost 10 years ago, and... it is nice. Sick thought isn't it. Cut in the way of bleeding and stiches, and all that sort of stuff. i haven't had the chance to defend myself, to fight back in well too long, the sting of the blade made me do so. I am out of my mind right now seeing things that are all too familiar, This is a waerd night. godd and bad. blood in the wrong contect. I was in televive in Jun. I saw alot of red, bad red, now I see the power of it. I have never been asulted in such a way. He was my friend and did so for the right reasons and I will love him for it, in every scar, every drop of blood. I think he gave me vision again, so be where, all of you with an eye for the world, because after tonight... I am going to show you a world that hold beauty in ways not emaginable. Insparation hits in the worst of times, all you have to do is make it through, and it will be there. i look forward to my next post, because it will be a masterpeace, like the beauty of the white between the red. So to you all, take the image in your head, and turn it in to majik, even if you need someone to help you realise it. The true power of this world, is the power of insparation, and for better or worce, I think i was just struck... Srtuck by a man i have not seen in 10 years, who i taught how to youse a sword. Tonight he made me me use mine in defence. First time ever. I wish I had a camara. (I used to teach kendo, for thouse of you confused, and matt was the man i traned with me.) I wish I could stake a "Self portrait" right now, It would say everything. -Gabe-

Good to know you decided to post beauty. Now please take care of yourself. Bsteph

Heath wise, I have done so, (This was quite medisinal) I am an old hand at this, I used to teach Kendo, and though really out of practice, I guess you never stop beeing used to cleaning your self up after doing anything live blade. The only think that is bad about this is the stinging, I look and feel like I have paper cuts all over. A well polished and edged sword leaves the same type of insition, sharp and stinging... There is nothing really deep, just some scraches, and notisibly uncofortable ones at that, again like a paper cut on steroids. It made me realise how out of shape I have become though, I couln't keep up, and tiered to fast. (I just realised, this forum needs spell check for us 2 fingered typers) I just wish I had my camara, right now, I sent it out for a good scrubbing behind the ears, and to nales if you will, and I again would love to take a few Self Portrats right now. blade slices, like Paper cuts bleed alot, and usualy look worse than they really are. so don't worry too much. Care has been taken. -Gabe-

Aw Gabe. hugs (*

I wish you had your camera too...not because i want to see pics of you bleeding, but I know how theraputic self-portrait work can be for the soul... go gently gabe....

I saw a smile on your face last night that I haven't seen in a long time. I almost thought that I was imagining it. Remember that faith and hope are things that come from within us,they can be found no matter where we go but only when the time is right. Your faith is your strength, so be strong and revel in the beauty around you. And be comforted by the place you have in my heart.

yikes man, wild stuff. dunno what to say, so I'll refrain and check the forum again tomorrow to see if you've posted some more... with all that you've said, you got a lot to live up to now in this forum gabe! "I hurt myself today to se if i could feel, I, focus on the pain, the only thing that's real"

I am hoping that now you will get into shape, and look after yourself! I am sorry for all the pain that you have suffered, and hope that one day with you, as us all, you will see that it was for a reason... Inspiration hits us in the strangest places in our lives, I am glad yours is a force of good =) Take care of yourself man, post your masterpiece - i anticipate it! =) xXxXx

Little time is needed I am in work now.