I vote with meico for "fulgent." I didn't compare versions 1 and 2 side-by-side, but v. 2 seems to read much better. I sense the rhythm more this time. And I like "Conquering the endless heat." My favorite line is "And wrings the bloated clouds."

Glad to be of service. BTW, I disagree with Shanna about "o'er." I feel perfectly comfortable using it if it fits the rhythm or rhyme or just sounds right, as I think it does in this case. Maybe I'm old fashioned.

Shanna: My precioussss, what have you in your pocketses? Can we eats it? =)

Hurrah and cheers! You even have the Petrarchan rhyme scheme. And slyly clever, too. I like.

Alex: Be warned, tjames can be blunt, and sometimes you have to read between the lines a few times to figure out what he is saying. If I am reading Star Light the way he is, it feels choppy, rather than flowing with the finesse he refers to. It seems like most lines are sentences, coming to an abrupt halt each time. Those that aren't full end stops still break with a comma, a pause, that adds to that blocky, hard feel. Even the words tend to be short, with only a few polysyllables. It doesn't contribute to a rhythmic read. Does that help any? Hopefully I'm thinking of some of the same things as tj. BTW, I really like the unexpected twist at "Who ever said that silence was golden? It's naked and ugly, anything but golden."

Cal- I think it nicely catches the feel of the desert, especially the brief bloom after the long-awaited rain. I agree with Shanna about the "Oblivious to dry and heat". First, I don't like the parallelism of dry-heat, since one is an adjective and one a noun. I would change dry to drought, except that you've used that two lines up. Perhaps changing heat to hot? Of course, your poetic license clearly entitles you to use dry as a noun if you want. Second, I don't agree with the sense of cacti being oblivious to the dry and hot. I would be more comfortable with them being at peace with it, or relishing it, or even withstanding or resisting it, but not being oblivious. My last comment for now would be that I don't feel any rhythm as I read it, which would make it stronger IMHO.

Tjames: "I feel some poetic elements in prose are ok, though most others would disagree." REALLY? I think there are a lot of elements that are common to both, take imagery and alliteration, metaphor and the power of a finely crafted phrase. I think most others would agree, rather than disagree. Of course, there are some poetic elements that don't work as well in prose. Rhyme is one of those. Were you thinking of something I'm missing?

I've been catching up on the classics. Read "Treasure Island," "The Time Machine," "Hunchback of Notre Dame," and Heinlein's "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" last month. I got through about 80 pages of "Moby Dick" before work caught up with me and had to take it back to the library. As soon as I catch back up with work, I'll have to finish it.

Jon: "Again the news rips at my heart Seven lives, in but a moment, gone." Thanks for your tribute. This tragedy brought back a lot of memories for me, too.

Thanks for sharing that. The well-crafted structure is a fitting tribute. When I got the news about 9-11, I pointed to a picture of the Challenger disaster that was on my board and told my class that in every life there will be those moments that are forever burned on your memory. Though I'm too young to remember JFK, I remember the assassination attempt on Reagan and the Challenger disaster. The last few years have added a few more of those memories.

Glad my contribution was adequate. I figured that Carlton, like any good car salesman, would at least make it LOOK good on the outside, and the problems wouldn't show up until you drove the vehicle of the lot.

Certainly don't mind. I take it that's why this forum is here. As a regularity freak, some of the rhythm changes bug me, but I'll leave the really technical analysis to tjames. The "Cry me a river" phrase struck me as trite off the top, but by the time I got to the second line, I was willing to stick with it. I really liked your first stanza. Strong sensory wording and imagery.

Sitting behind his desk overlooking the showroom floor of Wimbleton Motor Emporium was J. Carlton Wimbleton, heir to the fortune of his father, J. Wellington Wimbleton. Well, that was the story he told everyone, though in reality he had only inherited a vast hamburger debt. He did own the company, though it was buoyed by a huge cash float and creative enronomics. Carlton popped the last bite of his under-six-grams of fat Subway sandwich into his mouth and headed for the door as he saw the pickup pull into the lot outside. A couple stepped out. The young man looked vaguely familiar, Carlton thought. Carl! the young man exclaimed, stepping through the open door. Sweepea? My, youve changed! How long has it been? Not since the funeral, I guess. Great to see you again, anyway. What can you do for me? Carlton asked with a wry grin. This is my squeeze, Anita. We need some transportation, and fast. Figgered you were the man to see. My boy, youve come to the right place. In spite of the lowfat sub, Carlton could feel the grease starting to lubricate his tongue. Weve got anything you could want. Lets tour the showroom. He grabbed them each by an arm and steered them toward a Rolls Royce he had recently acquired. Let me tell you about this baby... Sweet pea managed to interrupt after about five minutes. Carl, really, thats not what we had in mind. No problem! Ive got anything you need. Ive got a Volvo 960 here for you, driven by a little old lady on Sundays only. I know, its boxy, but safe! No, not your style? Too conservative. How bout a Chevy 320 SUX convertible? Maybe a shiny new Bug? Plenty of Fahrvenen there. Whaddya need? Sweet pea stopped at the bright red Beetle. What do you think, hon? Ive always thought they were cute. She punched him in the arm. Well, not as cute as you. She punched him again, harder. You idiot! We didnt come here for this. Great. Lets you and him fight, Carlton said. He watched as Sweepea and Anita argued. Look, if he doesnt have a boat, were outta here. We need a boat to help Mom! she yelled and stormed toward the door. Well why didnt you say so? Carlton asked. I told you, Ive got just what you need. He hustled out the door to the lot. Follow me. Carlton took them out back behind the showroom to a warehouse. There on a boatrack rested the SS Minotoo. He clambered up a ladder at the stern and gave the boat a few good stomps. Shes a solid old boat. Take you anywhere you want to go. Ill give you a great deal. Just 20 grand. Anita turned to go. Hey, youre as good as family, right? We can talk about the price. I was hoping to trade our pickup for a boat. Whaddya say, Carl? Well, let me think about it. Ill have to go check the paperwork. Carlton left the warehouse and returned a few minutes later. OK, Ill gladly take your truck today and deliver the boat Tuesday. We need the boat today. This is an emergency! Alright, alright, just come in and sign the papers. Ill even have one of the boys hitch the boat up to your pickup and drive you outta here. Get the boat in the water, and hell bring back your truck. Deal? Deal. Shortly thereafter, Sweepea and Anita were on their way, with the motor of the SS Minotoo chugging happily. By then, J. Carlton Wimberton had already sold their truck for more than he paid for the Minotoo.

I'm here, I'm thinking. Thanks for the link; I found some good background on the characters from there. I hope to post sometime today. Is there an RC I should tag on? I would assume it is RC12.

Are the life forms protozoan? I didn't get the impression that was necessary from my reading of it. Just because they leave behind (or create) a single cell, that doesn't mean that they themselves are unicellular. What word from Ianfe?