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Subject: I'm taking a little brave step here :)

Hyria opened this issue on Jan 25, 2003 · 9 posts
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Hyria ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 5:50 PM · edited Sun, 06 October 2024 at 6:02 AM

I am posting one of my poems hope you all don't mind :) It is by no means means my first poem so if you are curious and might want more just say so :) A Faes Plea Cry me a river, oh my lady fair of golden droplets and whisps of vanilla air to weave through the crevices of my emerald banks thus from thou sweet, lily perfume I drank. For now I reside in silent despair my heart has been beaten and, ohh my wings I tear I have built my banks anew, a fresh river can flow the warm scent of primrose has healed my soul. So cry me a river, my lady sprite In its currents and falls we can play and swim all night. My wings have regrown, once again I have my magik now I burn like a candle and its wick. 2-18-2001

Insanity is a waking state...Darkness is a being...Want To Play.........heheheheh

geoegress ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 5:55 PM

nice :)

mysteri ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 6:24 PM

Certainly don't mind. I take it that's why this forum is here. As a regularity freak, some of the rhythm changes bug me, but I'll leave the really technical analysis to tjames. The "Cry me a river" phrase struck me as trite off the top, but by the time I got to the second line, I was willing to stick with it. I really liked your first stanza. Strong sensory wording and imagery.

Hyria ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 6:44 PM

thnx :) I don't do technical poem writing most of mine are almost like this. it just comes out :) I just wanted to share a lil something else besides my art :)

Insanity is a waking state...Darkness is a being...Want To Play.........heheheheh

jstro ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 7:30 PM

Welcome. I'm no poet, so can't really critique it, but the imagery is strong. jon

 
~jon
My Blog - Mad Utopia Writing in a new era.

Mechanismo ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 7:41 PM

awwwwww very nice .... very sweet im pmressed!

tjames ( ) posted Sun, 26 January 2003 at 4:53 AM

You should have stuck around in the writer's chat room and now for a really technical analysis...very nice.

Cerpher ( ) posted Sun, 26 January 2003 at 12:20 PM

I likes Hy. :) Don't get it. Of course. But I likes. :)

Crescent ( ) posted Tue, 28 January 2003 at 8:41 PM

I like the first stanza the best. The imagery with the golden drops and vanilla air really draws me into the poem. I'd prefer a little more regularity with the rhythm as well, especially since you set up the first verse so well. Thanks for sharing this. Now let's see some big, brave steps. ;-)

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