_Translated by me,_with some adds, in order to make it "rhyme", taken from a german text seen on a free Web site, From the song "Paracheatist" by Ernst Forelle (German Artist's Nickname) - The Grebels Records (Sung by German Punk-Rock Gruppe: The Grebels) Title:"Parachutist" (Warning: the original US title is a 2003's remix called : "Paracheatist") (I declare takIing entire responsibility for editing this thread and posting this song in this Writer Forum.) "PARACHEITIST" You was, and so was I, barely an eighteen years old ferret, When they put on your head a red beret, When they told you: "Crash madly into all the ones That would want to "shift." ..."" Was on purpose they chose those having no dads, no moms They took you young,those creeps,not randomly were a fascist Parachutist. Then from strikes to strikes, from fights to fights, Your intelligence of course has grown: "Well, I'm acting for the Rights" And you were sure there were two kinds of people, An of course, you read their Book Here the "Free World" ! There: Communists... Keep only these, others must crook Smart & Scared Wealthy Whites That always whine Forgot to educate you, made your gun shine, Have their shirts bright In other words, one kind of humans The Good White Ones, the Bok you'd read, "Better be dead than ever Red" And then the rest are Terrorists, Parachutist. Then they gave you a Promotion, Hero for every Vietnam failure Hero for every "good action", As for the "Ben", for: "That's my Son !" That you have done, cos' you were "Pure". Like Bill Hickock-Wayne or Kit Car-Son About Pride & Torture, you were a "specialist", A...Patriotic Parachutist. Then came the Honnours & decorations And all the medals for each bullet put in a heart For every wound or cut, you were a sweetheart AlleAging Pledge to Totem Flags For every small black cross on your list, Parachutist. But unhappily for you, Soon will the war end: No more slaughters, no more fights, What are you gonna do ? Game will be over for the "artist", Parachutist. Now it's just a woman's job To command the ones who have read the news, Specially when you learnt with me, That taugh you too, or will teach you With your own gun , or some Guitar-Blue, What means the word: "Anti-militarist", Parachutist. But you lost nothing of your talent, You're never missing any embush But as you can't really shoot on the band You find that life is too much bland. Maybe that's why you look as sad as if you were a beast, Parachutist. But if you get really bored, Back from Kabul, paid as the useless Vet, in the toilets, Back from Kosovo, that you rebuilt, breveted SingClyn, "Kushna" & Docs Back from Iraq to Hallifax You can always retrain, at your baby-brothers' s Office "Left, right", you'll never be a pet, I've Heard they 'll hire in State Police-Mist... Paracheatist." This text (The non-translated one!) was submitted to Copyright Laws, but Authorized in a private, non-lucrative or... educative use !!!!!!! Thanks for your attention, sorry for the bad level translation, and you are welcome for your comments. Love each other as soon as we can. LOL!

Klaus- 2 main things come to mind. Ryhme..you're on your way there, but the main thing with lyrics I would suggest is meter..the rhythm of the words as they're sung. Often just saying the words to yourselve will convey the beat, even the notes themselves. Right now it kinda..well, maybe you could rap to it, but I dunno..;)
As for the translation, a Gentile is someone who's either non-Jewish, or non-Mormon. As it stands, all I can say is you're getting good drugs, and we all want to know where..;)
In your defense, translation is a very hard thing to do, between grammar, idioms, and sometimes there's just some words that can't be translated. Sometimes you work for years on it (I've known a few translators and linguists)..and some really famous works have never been 'successfully' translated Dante's Inferno trilogy comes to mind.
Tell ya what- just for giggles, try posting it in it's original language, whatever that might be. Maybe someone else will have an idea of how to bring out the original feeling. All I can say is no sabe, jeune ce pas, ya nye znayu, ich veist nicht, mor di na..(all misspelled I know, but 'I don't know' is such a useful phrase, I know it in 5 languages..;) Take care.