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Subject: May challenge


tjames ( ) posted Sun, 04 May 2003 at 2:03 AM · edited Wed, 15 January 2025 at 7:55 PM

I was working on an envelop stanza, but the best I could come up with was the wind-been combination at the seventh distance. Caledonia had suggested something about mothers, so I thought I'd go with some other "Mayish" themes as well. Cherry blossoms Darling buds of May shaken by the wind; Stir, leaving their youth behind to flower; Beginning their charade as innocents; Dressing to reveal, and luring their prey; Dancing for rank, while playing cat and mouse; Striving to echo confidant's power; Making no promise, but finding romance; Chancing to risk where the others have been; Testing cold waters a toe at a time; Searching for anchor where winds are unkind; The games turn serious, the blood turns ripe; The flowers to seed, the girls to mothers.


jstro ( ) posted Mon, 05 May 2003 at 6:31 PM

You know I'm always up for your challenges, but I'm a little confused here. I don't understand the form you are asking for here. From what I see, the sencond and sixth line rhyme, but somehow I don't think that's it. Anyway, I'll try a 12 liner with a Mayish theme and see how it floats. jon

 
~jon
My Blog - Mad Utopia Writing in a new era.


jstro ( ) posted Mon, 05 May 2003 at 6:37 PM

Attached Link: http://www.uni.edu/~gotera/CraftOfPoetry/

While out researching envelope stanzas and found this nice little poetry site. Not a site of poetry, but a site by a guy that teaches poetry and has some of the forms and lingo explained. I found it useful. jon

 
~jon
My Blog - Mad Utopia Writing in a new era.


tjames ( ) posted Mon, 05 May 2003 at 6:55 PM

well flower and power on L2 and L6 are in the 4th distance that's a little better envelope. I guess to really do this right you have to have uneven lines they can't all be heroic. Maybe the inside lines would work better if they were 7 syllables and the envelope was extended to 10...


jstro ( ) posted Mon, 05 May 2003 at 7:15 PM

Doh! How'd I miss that? Oh well. Thanks for the added guidance, though. It helps (me at least). jon

 
~jon
My Blog - Mad Utopia Writing in a new era.


tjames ( ) posted Mon, 05 May 2003 at 9:52 PM

Caledonia wanted to do some poetry about mothers and I thought the reflections on the cherry blossoms starting to show outside a lttle romance and youth sounds kind of like may to me. I've gotten close on innocents and romance L3 and L7 thats a fourth, there's a triplet in the norm at L9,L10 and L11 and I tried to hold a parallel structure. i still think it could use some work though


Azha ( ) posted Fri, 09 May 2003 at 11:26 PM

so are we doing the Mother theme or cherry blossoms...I'm lost and do we do it (whatever it is?)in this envelope thingy? I read one instructional site that described the repetition of an entire line as relative to the envelope stanza with no significant relation to the quatrain...so now I'm really lost.

"Every line means something."
Jean Michel Basquiat


DesertHaven ( ) posted Tue, 13 May 2003 at 12:03 PM

Hello All, I'm relatively new to this forum. I say relative because I registered maybe a week(or so)ago. I've been interested in participating but I am still trying to understand the purpose/direction of the forum. If there is anyone who can help shine light my way, it would be appreciated.


dialyn ( ) posted Tue, 13 May 2003 at 12:07 PM

Attached Link: http://www.renderosity.com/messages.ez?ForumID=12436&Form.ShowMessage=1223512

Ah, well, you've entered onto the poetry challenge thread. We also have a prose challenge. You can participate in the challenges, or post your story / poem / essay / or thoughts on writing in a new thread. It's all about love of the word....and many people here are also artists so they combined the two arts together at times. Crescent is our moderator, and she's great. Feel free to ask questions. Browse the forum archives and the backroom...that will give you a feel for what has happened. But we are always happy to entertain new ideas. :) Welcome and enjoy!


DesertHaven ( ) posted Tue, 13 May 2003 at 12:13 PM

Thank you Dia


tjames ( ) posted Tue, 13 May 2003 at 2:54 PM

So this challenge has you scratching your head... Words don't come easy, the meek should retire When those words you seek are found in the clues; Sounding like the season where lilacs bloom Where mothers hush their newborn's cry, And muses play bagpipes in the fog at night; To crickets and hoppers where her melody Should inspire your words to the farthest distance instead. lol (c'mon jon I know you can do this...that's a 7)


tjames ( ) posted Mon, 19 May 2003 at 3:39 PM

I just wrote a letter to Vince Gottera an English Prof up at UI who published a poetry golassary and described the form to him. He said he couldn't recall the form right off hand so perhaps we're breaking new ground so I'll be very specific this time. 1st line 10syl last line 10syl. the lines in the middle 6 syllables the first and last rhyme. The enclosed lines don't have to.A seasonal theme. Now I'm looking at my model, because I think I can do it. I wrote all my lines in 10syl. Lets see if I can get better than a 7.


tjames ( ) posted Mon, 19 May 2003 at 6:12 PM

Too early,the bulldozers start to roar. It's five-thirty and still dark, as they move,tearing the ground; Ripping the grass and flowers. The dust comes in the window; The road, more people must come; The wilderness can not stand Falling before their power; Leaving the orange cones behind and deserts, where trees once stood. And so I must dry my eyes Because to be cleared: That's what land is for.


tjames ( ) posted Mon, 19 May 2003 at 6:19 PM

The internal lines are 7:It seemed to work better.


jstro ( ) posted Mon, 19 May 2003 at 7:11 PM

We used to have a huge open area here surrounding a seminary. The church wanted the cash more than the land, and alas, they sold nearly all of it to a developer. Now a subdivision stands where the trees, a creek, some ponds, and a cave once beckoned. Your poem brings that back to me. So sad. Don't worry. I was going to enter, even without the clarification. I'm just a class A procrastinator. ;-) jon

 
~jon
My Blog - Mad Utopia Writing in a new era.


jstro ( ) posted Mon, 19 May 2003 at 7:32 PM

Out Hiking J. M. Strother We walk among trees - oak and hickory, Down paths worn by many feet And listen to birds on wing. The air is heavy with rain, Low gray clouds hang in the sky. Cross the bridge 'ore bubbling creek And look for fish and tadpoles. Then up hill to top the ridge, Canopy thins, flowers grow. There is thrashing in the brush. We pause and listen, so still, Hoping that luck will bring a deer to see.

 
~jon
My Blog - Mad Utopia Writing in a new era.


tjames ( ) posted Mon, 19 May 2003 at 9:11 PM

That's two in the 11th distance. Didn't it freak you out about Professor Gottera answering that quickly? Now the hard trick is to hold that pattern and two two stanzas. I wouldn't want everyone writing 24 liners. I'd never get the score in.


Shoshanna ( ) posted Thu, 22 May 2003 at 1:24 PM

I'm going to try and enter, I've just been a bit busy this month, but what are you on about when you keep mentioning numbers in distances? For some reason it leaves me vaguely worried I've stumbled into a conversation about golf. Shanna :-)



tjames ( ) posted Thu, 22 May 2003 at 2:40 PM

Oh, numbers and distances ...if a rhyming line is every line it the first distance, if there are two lines betwwen the rhyming lines its the third. what we're trying to do is to see how far we can get. It has to make sense. A quatrain is four lines. An envelope stanza here "abba" would be in the third distance . It would still be in the third if the stanza were abca.


dialyn ( ) posted Thu, 22 May 2003 at 3:16 PM

So you could have said that the first and last line rhyme, and you have two entries so far using that as a model?


tjames ( ) posted Thu, 22 May 2003 at 3:23 PM

That's like a challenge within a challenge shoot they've had envelope stanzas where none of the internals rhyme in the 99th distance and that boggles the mind.


dialyn ( ) posted Thu, 22 May 2003 at 3:38 PM

There are many good reasons why I don't try to pretend I can write poetry. My complete lack of understand the technology behind it would be the primary one.


burningrock ( ) posted Fri, 23 May 2003 at 8:05 PM

The Brotherhood of Night there where the deranged god once stood reigns the dark brotherhood unholy priests perform their twisted rite to a rouge denizen of the night impart that which is best unknown unspeakable evils from the abyss have flown come to answer summons hither things move erect which aught to slither


Caledonia ( ) posted Tue, 27 May 2003 at 9:39 AM

Here's my attempt- better late than never:) Memorial Day It is the close of May once again. Showers from April are late Drizzling on summer's entrance; No picnics on this wet day. Flags and banners hang limply Drenched as the the hardy watchers. Our kilts don't sway as we step, Fingers become cold and stiff, But our music still brings cheer To those who gather in 'membrance Of men who suffered far worse. Thus we pay tribute by this Memorial parade in the rain.


jagill ( ) posted Thu, 29 May 2003 at 2:06 PM

Oops.. should've cracked my knuckles before typing that first entry. Here it is again: I didn't see any deadline for this one. Hope I'm not too late. The smallest fliers evade the downpour, In celebratory dance of the Earths return to life. Soon the clouds will fade away allowing the sun to heal; The damage of seasons past. As roots seek out nourishment, So buds may swell with vigor. Eventually bursting into bright earthly starlets; broadcasting their love afar For inadvertent lovers to adore.


Crescent ( ) posted Sun, 01 June 2003 at 8:09 PM

I got word that the poems' points are being totalled up, so I'm locking the thread and I'll post the winner shortly. Thanks again to everyone who participated!


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